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My brother in law (age 75) went into a care home suffering with Vascular Dementia, he was there for three years before he passed away. It was a BUPA care home, although he was not mistreated, his care was very limited. He was doubly incontinent, the room often smelt strongly of pee. He was not moved out of his bed for the three years he was there. The food was not at all acceptable.Sometimes drinks were just left on the side, of course my brother in law was unable to feed himself. My sister did not like to complain in case the home took it out on her husband. I only hope that me or any of my family can be cared for at home.

My grandfather was in a care home, we did our best to check it out, however it’s impossible to be there all the time. We visited daily & overall he was treated well. Sadly one of the other residents managed to leave through a fire exit in the middle of the night during winter & died due to hypothermia. My grandfather left soon after

Having someone who can be a first port of call about what you need could save the country a lot of money. My in laws needed to go into a home as we could no longer cope after Dad became bed bound and Mum’s Alzheimer’s got worse. As Mum couldn’t giver her permission to voluntarily go into a home I thought that Social Workers needed to be involved and battles to get assessments, advice etc for several weeks wasting their time as I eventually found out that if you are self funding you don’t need any of that. The home that I found sent a Manager to assess and they were admitted within a week.

a few years ago an elderly relative needed to go into a nursing home. A nightmare trying to sort, no help or advice from the authorities, lots of mis-information as way too many departments involved but nobody talking to each other so going round in circles. In the end we found a nursing home which was suitable. It had to be self-funded at just over £1k a week. We were happy with the care that our relative received, she was well looked after and we were kept informed of anything that we needed to know by the staff. we were happy with the home and the service but not at all happy with the nightmare of trying to sort it out and pay for it without any help.

Haven't had to look yet but my criteria is what does the home look like, what do the staff think of the home, what is the staff turnover, if it's too high then walk away. Read reviews online to get a general feel. If possible speak to the residents, see what their demeanor is like, check visiting times and what access is like for visits. Hopefully will never need to use one but time will tell!

There are unannounced inspections. I was the person in charge during a 7 hour surprise visit by CQC.
It was a lovely place, everyone was well cared for, (adults with learning disabilities) so it all went well.
I was asked to show how peoples spiritual welfare was catered for, amongst other things.
I'm amazed how homes for the elderly cope with such scrutiny, to be honest, considering the huge chasm between the two services.

My experience of a care home relates to the one around the corner from where I live. The staff take a short cut past my house to get to work, and I often find myself smiling at the enthusiastic greetings and chats that go on between the night shift leavers and the day shift arrivals as they stop for a quick chat outside my gate - the staff are mostly West Indian and African people, men and women.

Then my neighbour became very ill and he was admitted there for respite, so I used to go and visit (he has now sadly passed away). I was struck by how "homely" his room was, the staff had moved his bed so that he could look out of the window, photographs of his family hung on the walls, he had a bed-cover from home and his wife beside him on a reclining chair. He was content and comfortable. The whole place was spotless.

And, the friendly and happy atmosphere that I picked up from the staff as they swap shifts, pervaded the place, with everyone, from the receptionist to the nurses, to the cleaners, smiling and welcoming.

Happy staff, happy place, happy people in care!

Re a comment made upthread about advance notice of inspection, I was on my local GP practice Patient Participation Group and when they knew the CQC were coming, everything was spruced up for the occasion and we even had a "mock inspection"...

When MIL needed to go into a home and we were visiting those recommended to us we were appalled at the smell of urine that greeted us at each of the front doors without exception. The air fresheners were worse than the smell they were attempting to disguise! We saw people sitting on toilets in full view of anyone passing and they were calling for someone to attend to them. In one home there were four people sharing a room which I would have found acceptable for two at a push on a much reduced rate but apparently it was a case of dead men's shoes and you waited your turn to get into the larger more private rooms or paid additional fees to jump the queue. Generally there was a very apparent lack of interest in providing any activities. Fortunately we found a brand new home which had no official ratings and, although very pricey, proved to be a very good 'home from home'. As regards the reports they are general and I do not think that the criteria are as comprehensive as they could be and not one home was able to say whether the inspections were pre planned or a sudden unannounced drop in inspection. That alone would make a huge difference.
In one home we were told that if the food provided was not appropriate for MIL we could order food in for her at additional cost as they were too busy to provide for individual dietary needs and that was in spite of their blurb to the contrary!
We found the whole experience dispiriting and it made us much more concerned about our own futures.

DH and I both pray that we will continue to function well mentally and that we do not deteriorate physically any more than we already have so that we will manage on our own to our dying day because, like so many others, we dread having to go into a home. Our family know our concerns and we are currently setting up POA etc so that our DD will be able to have the last word. They know we would prefer to remain in our own home but we are putting our trust in DD to monitor closely what happens to us especially if we need more care. DS and DDIL will also have input to back up DD.

I think it's probably easier to find a good "Care" home where residents are less dependent and are frequently able to speak for themselves, but a good caring "Nursing" home is as rare as hen's teeth in my experience.

Miss Adventure!!!

Working in a home:
"Ethel, would you like to put on some personal protective clothing before dinner?"
"Eh? Some what?!"
"Some personal protective clothing - you know, to cover up your dress and make sure you don't spill anything down it".
"No! I want a bib like that old girl over there is wearing!"

I have just been looking at care homes as a possibility for my mother who is currently in hospital. I have rejected all of them and trying to get a care package that will enable her to return to her own home. I read the CQC reports and they did give me some basic information to base my questions on. However I found the lack of factual information very unhelpful. I was shocked by the size of all the rooms I looked at. If someone had stated the size in the reports I would probably never have gone to look at them. I was shocked in one home to see room doors left open and residents in bed to be viewed by any one passing. I think if the CQC really want to help people choosing care homes they should publish in their reports details such as room sizes, staff /residents ratios, staff turn over numbers, temporary and agency staff numbers, number of residents with specific conditions (anon of course) and other details. I found some of the comments made a bit PC. For example staff in one place were pulled up for calling plastic covers "bibs". I know the word is now used mostly for babies but it previously referred to front of shirts/blouses etc. You wore "Your best bib and tucker" Certainly older people would recognise the word more than a clothes protector.

I am saddened to say that I am with what seems to be the majority experience.
We lost my father 12 years ago after 5+ years in 3 Care/nursing homes. Previous to that we had managed him at home until we simply couldn’t cope (stroke/vascular dementia)

Tbh it was an (expensive!) nightmare from start to finish. We visited numerous (appalling,) Care homes: ancient facilities, urine smelling surroundings, inexperienced young staff. Finally we chose to take him to the highly rated, recently built and designed for purpose, care home. After 18 months of family concerns, we moved him. He had falllen from his wheelchair and been rushed to hospital. The hospital nursing sister took me to one side and asked if we were aware he had an untreated pressure sore the size of a 50p piece on his bottom (obviously we weren’t and unfortunately he was unable to tell us!). In retrospect, I think the Hospital Nursing Sister was verbally advising of poor care, though we were inexperienced enough to recognise this. On discharge the care home advised they could no longer look after him and he was moved to a sister-company nursing home. After 12 months of constant conflict with the home (total lack of personal care, feeding issues etc, general cleanliness of his room, inexperienced staff etc), and against the home’s advice that any disruption such as moving him to another home would certainly kill him, as a family we decided to take that risk. We moved him to a smaller CSCI lower ranking nursing home where I’m delighted to say he spent his last 18 months. He died loved by all the staff, watched by a happy and adoring family.

I will add that half way through this saga I took a job within the LA Care Sector and after advice contacted CSCI/care Quality Commission. Needless to say, despite jumping through hoops, statutory meetings with both Home and CSCI etc nothing happened officially (through I did hear the Home was ‘advised’ on certain matters retrospectively). A number of years later I was still hearing grumbles/ experiences similar to mine.

With a now 90+ blind and increasingly frail mum (and my DH and I being late 60s) the next few months/years fill us with dread. There is no joy in getting old, and despite being frugal (boring?) with our savings, I am not sure money can ensure good quality of care. Nor does my recent experiences with mum’s local SS/Doctors instil my confidence. The social care sector seems to attract people who need a job. Perhaps it is something to do with the fact that care companies are businesses whose purpose is to make profits whilst ‘front-line staff are low paid on zero hours contracts, given poor training and low respect - I wonder why they tend not to stay? And my experience of both past and recent Social Services: not enough money or front line staff, systems/routines which mean ‘case workers’ are allocated/signed off too quickly, facilitating absolutely no continuity of care and even less job satisfaction!

It seems to me no lessons have been learned, confusion reigns and funding insufficient. And unfortunately Care quality (and it’s monitoring?) remains poor (to be generous!). I am just hoping that when the time comes for us our family are lucky and find a good, caring, home for us. Or even better, we have an ‘instant’ death and our DDs and GDDs have a ball with our money!

In a nutshell my advice would be, as with OFSTED reports: don’t be swayed by CQC reports/offialdom, go with gut instinct and if you have ANY concerns make them known (loudly if necessary). If nothing happens, MOVE ME!!

Just my experience/opinion.......

My mother was in a wonderful care home in Hemsby, Norfolk. We lived in London and went each week to see her.The staff were amazing, with outings, competitions, handcraft and the food was excellent. We know this first hand as when my mother had to go into hospital they suggested we stayed in her room so we could visit her each day. They put in another bed and we were very comfortable. The rationale was that as we were paying for the room we should be able to use it! WOW!

I was a little apprehensive reading all of this. My mother has been in a good care home for five years.mshenhas dementia and the care has been very good. She was a difficult patient often shouting and abusive due to the illness. They did tread carefully with her and often needed extra help. My mother in law was an independent woman up till 95 she started to need help with daily chores I struggled on doing most for her but with a full time job became increasingly hard.mwhen she became frail at Christmas she begged me to get her into a home I contacted social services who Sid she wasn't bad enough. We soldiered on after two falls and eventually convinced another social worker she wasnt able to live alone more red tape and told she could go into sheltered accommodation. She could hardly walk. The evening before she was going into the accommodation they relented and she went into my mothers home to her delight. She died four weeks to the day she moved in.

Forgive me for being cynical but my recent experience of the Nursing Home and Home Care industry in this country is poor, and I do not feel that a "Good" rating by CQC is any guarantee of the Care that a person can expect to receive. As someone has said an Inspection can only be a snapshot at that particular time. My mother was transferred to a Nursing Home from hospital last year, and funded by NHS for a few weeks. There is very little choice in such situations because invariably the Nursing Home places available, that NHS is agreeable to fund short term are not rated as "Good" by CQC. I had to fight for my mother to be discharged to one rated "Good" after refusing several on safety grounds. What an eye opener! The staff were often too rushed to attend properly to her, she could not never have a bedpan or commode during meal times, and was put unnecessarily into incontinence pants. Bathroom was cluttered, furniture in her room shabby and broken, and kitchen unhygienic. This was a home which was charging £1000 a week, with extras on top. It was the same problem for Home Care when she came out of the Home and the only Companies available if not totally self funding were those needing improvement. So choice is purely academic unless you are able to pay - a lot! The whole industry is a sad reflection in my opinion of how we regard the elderly and vulnerable in our society, and if we continue to ignore the situation it will only get worse.

When my my dear dads dementia got really bad and he also had pancreatic cancer I had to make the hat decision to find a suitable care home for him. We basically researched all the homes within a 25 mile radius between him and me. We spoke to them first and then made appointments to visit. How you are welcomed (particularly at short notice) is always interesting. Some were off putting from the moment you entered and I just knew I could never leave my dad in their care. Some were reasonably ok and the lady in charge of one we liked couldn't offer a place but was extremely helpful about what to ask and what to look for. When we visited the home that was to be his final place of rest I cried because it was so lively in all respects. They visited dad at home to assess him. If I had needed care myself it was where I would have wanted to be. The cost was huge but the staff helped me apply for continuing nursing payments which is hard to get and this made a huge difference. Finding care is a minefield and I consider we were extremely lucky but I have to say my dad did have money to afford good care - if he hadn't it might have been a different story which is very sad.

I visit an elderly friend who has been in a care home for 5 years. It looks very nice, all doors to the rooms are different with brass door furniture etc. And yes, the staff all talked the talk. . .
I have been there when she was desperate for the loo and when I eventually found a carer she said ‘Oh I. . . often says she wants to go but doesn’t do anything!’ This was one of many concerns that I had.
I spoke to the office and during the conversation was told that the CQC telephoned for an appointment to inspect the home!
It has now been taken over by a different company and for the very first time since she’s been there has been taken on an outing!
She does have a son who lives in the UK but his visits are few and far between-4 times a year if she’s lucky!
Getting old can be very scary for many people , but is it any wonder.

I have worked in the care sector for around 30 years, in many different places, since I worked for an agency for around half of that time.
The homes which provide good, person centred care are few and far between, I'm afraid, and showing training certificates and not smelling of urine does not guarantee good care.
I have seen (and reported) abuse of residents, ranging from terrible incidents, to the all too frequent getting people up and putting them to bed to suit staffing levels, rather than individual preference.
Its fairly obvious that with 5 or 6 staff to 35 or so residents (in well managed homes) something has got to give.
So much depends on good managers, senior staff, and a good ratio, along with compassionate carers.
There have been a few lovely homes along the way where everyone is happy.
I also have always been perplexed that adults with learning disabilities seem to have far superior care, with thought given to their needs and preferences, far more activities, better food, and so on.
I would rather stay at home than spend the last of my years being "assisted to bed" at 6pm, and "assisted" back up at 5am.

What a litany of depressing experiences at the hands of the so called caring professions. Like others here, my experience of care homes has been that, so often, there's a huge gap between the rhetoric of the brochures and the reality of the experience. Reading through this thread, I truly dread the prospect of being suddenly incapacitated in a way that would prevent me from taking responsibility for the ending of my life, as I have always taken responsibility for the living of it. Apologies if my opinion causes anyone distress.

My concern has been on behalf of an elderly couple who live nearby - she is her husband's carer and he has Alzheimer's. They have had so much stress and worry with their home carers - they have 2 carers 4 times a day. Often they do not know who will be attending them despite having a weekly notice which has a blank against the names column (particularly at weekends), this has become very important as she has experienced lots of missing treasures, goods, etc I attended a meeting with them and the Carer Manger who came to listen to their concerns, she suggested my friend gets locks put onto all her door so that carers cannot get into them - this she did. She also suggested that a set procedure should be applied for each visit that would prevent carers needing to move around the house but when my friend does not know who is coming and therefore the relief carer would not know the procedure it has been difficult to keep a check. Both of them are around 90 and greatly appreciate the regular, caring carers who attend a lot of the time - but the job itself is poorly paid, does not have adequate training and little career progression, I think sometimes it is serviced by people who do not really want to do this job but need to take A job as opposed to no job. It is stressful to be an elderly carer and my friend manages surprisingly well but, I know, she has been taken advantage of in the past.

When I was in my teens I worked in a care home for years, it was a very good one where everyone was treated with kindness and respect.
There was also lots going on, in way of trips and activities. The meals served were delicious and there was a hair salon within the home that was so fabulous that I would get my hair done there as well.
We had long term residents and whatever their needs were, or what they became they stayed with us till the end of their lives.
Over the years the care home changed with the times and became short term only, for respite short stays or daycare.I remember we had a lovely man who used to come in for daycare and a bath twice a week and he was upset that, because he only used day-care he did not meet the criteria to stay over that particular Christmas. He then broke his leg which meant he could stay over the Christmas period and he was overjoyed!
Moving on many years and my mother had a hemorrhagic stroke and was lucky to have lived!
The hospital stay on the so called specialist stroke ward was so terrible it resulted in a huge complaint. My Mum was only 69 years old and was left with no speech and limited mobility.
My Dad had died a couple of years previously and Mum lived on her own and when she had this stroke she had been on the floor of her bedroom for several hours before she was found.
My siblings and I knew my Mum could not live at home anymore so we looked round the care homes and they all were without exception awful!
Some were more awful then others but disinterested staff (at best) or cold staff seemed to be the norm.
As other posters have mentioned an overwhelming smell of urine and worse!
As we walked through the various care homes many had residents sat on toilets with the doors left wide open and as we walked past the residents called out for assistance .I was shocked at the lack of dignity given to these poor people.
We deliberately chose lunch time to visit and the food was unappetising. Slice of corned beef, instant mash and canned peas seemed a common theme.
Alarm calls seemed to be going on endlessly without being answered.
In the end Mum stayed in her own home with 24hour care. It is expensive but she is happy. Luckily she has the funds for this as I dread to think what we would have done if this wasn’t the case.

Over the years my hubby and I have had experience of looking at care homes for members of our families. They went from adequate to not so good. More recently my beloved sister had to go into a care home, and we just love going there to visit her. It does not matter what time we go there, the atmosphere is always welcoming.

My sister does need a lot of care, but she is so well cared for and loved. At Christmas there was a lovely get together of residents and relatives and it was wonderful. The CQC reports are in all honesty not outstanding, but it is clear that the staff really care for their residents. One carer in particular, is quite simply outstanding, lovely and adores my darling sister.

I guess the message here is (as eluded to already) that it is not always about the glowing reports, but the quality of the staff that matters most.

I had to find a care home for my mum when her dementia became too bad for us to cope with. A neighbour of hers had once said to me that if I ever needed to find a home for my mum, to go and see her. She works in homes as a hairdresser. She recommended one and my mum went for a trial day. That worked out ok so she went to live there.

We had to sell her house to fund it. Our experiences with social workers before she went into the home were very bad. One assessment was carried out to see if she could make a cup of tea and a piece of toast. She couldn't manage it on her own so the assessor helped her and then said she was fine to live on her own!

A relative in her 90s is very happy in a private care home in the Home Counties. She has a large living room with her own furniture, a roomy bedroom, small bathroom and kitchen. There is help to get up and go to bed, varied meals and a programme of activities. The grounds are lovely and there is a nursing home wing for those who need it.
But, of course, all this comes at a price.
In the 1979s I worked in a council run home for 'the fit elderly' in the north of England. Residents had small but adequate bedrooms with washbasins, lavatories were on each corridor. There was a lounge and a dining room and minibus trips and activities were arranged. I'd say that the majority of the residents were content as were their families who visited.