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Both of my parents unfortunately ended up in care homes. Mum looked after dad until it made her ill and he had to go into a home as an emergency. It wasn't a nice place and we eventually found a home nearer to mum so she could visit every day. I visited one evening after work and found dad almost unconscious, they hadn't realised how ill he was. He was hospitalised with pneumonia for a very long time. He did go back to the home but never really recovered and died there.
Mum gradually developed dementia, collapsed at home and was taken to hospital. She was moved to a dreadful home where she had a fall and was taken to hospital. We were told, by the owner of the home, that she was ok. When my brother and I arrived at the hospital she was in a terrible state, covered in bruises and suffering with pneumonia, she wasn't expected to survive. She spent three months in hospital and my brothers and I spent time looking for a nice home for her. We found one that only looked after people with dementia.
Mum didn't want to be there but she needed 24 hour care. The staff were in the main very good. You could visit whenever you wanted to. There were activities for the residents, a hairdresser came each week. All meals were produced at the home and were ok. Mum deteriorated and died there just over ten years ago.
I think that finding a good care home is a minefield.

My main fear of needing to go into a care home is the lack of freedom and choice. I very much hope that I would be able to access home care and remain as independent as possible.
I often wait at a bus stop opposite,what is billed as an award winning care home and am somewhat disturbed by an overpowering smell of overcooked vegetables before 10 in the morning. I am vegetarian with a couple of food allergies and dread to think how I would be catered to in such a place.

I'm spending my savings on extending my home so I can sleep downstairs and be looked after at home as I hope I never have to go into a care home. My dad had a stroke while on holiday staying with me and had to live in one and it wasn't a great experience. He had no private resources to draw on so was put in a private rest home but the state paid and, as I live in an expensive area, it was the only one which would take him.

I had to find a care home for my mother just after Christmas.
I read the CWC reports of my shortlisted homes and started visiting.
Some I drove straight by as they were so unkempt outside.
The one I chose I visited unannounced and had an informed tour and met residents and staff.
My mother has settled well and the care has been far superior to that at the hospital.
It has not been the daunting process I feared because it is easy to research online and I feel that it is now well governed.

Up to now I have thankfully not had to find a care home for a loved one. My positive experience of them is based on the care home in my local village. It holds regular events to encourage locals and families to go in, such as a summer barbecue. I have been a volunteer on a day trip to the seaside which the residents loved, reminiscing about past holidays. They have a minibus and a driver who will take residents shopping or to local garden centres. Sometimes staff will walk residents in their wheelchairs around the village and they love nothing better than to be invited in for a cup of coffee. The residents, especially those with dementia or mobility problems, I am sure benefit hugely from this social interaction.

My mother went into a care home, aged 94, for the last 2 years of her life. She was very content there until it was closed because of a fire, in which one old lady sadly died. The other residents were moved to a larger home while refurbishment took place. This larger one should have been much more expensive, but they were given a discount to make it the same. Mum was most unhappy in the larger place, too impersonal, and couldn't wait to get back to 'her home'. So don't always judge a home by the price.

I agree it is all about the staff and the standards they provide. You can have staff who dish out cups of tea and put chairs in a circle around a TV, calling that care. The Care Commission need to look at the levels of staffing too. I have worked in care homes that have just two staff members on shift through the night for 24 clients. Now unless you are medicating them, it is impossible to care for people who wander or a distressed with that staffing level.

So much depends on the quality and ability of the staff. Qualifications are not necessarily the answer as kindness, patience and enthusiasm count for so much. I visited an elderly lady who visibly shrank in the home she had been put in by her son as the food was unappetising and she ate so little. I just hope I can continue in my own home without the need for care.

I worked in a care home before and I know how difficult it is to find a place for someone. There is so many aspects of life, environment, diet, social, mental one has to go through. It's mentally, physically draining one's ability in many ways. You need so much power, skill, luck.

This is a very timely thread for me, as I have recently been looking around locally to see which care homes are well rated by CQC. I live alone and when the time comes, I'd like to have some idea about which homes are good and which best avoided. I have found it quite difficult to make meaningful comparisons between the individual places in terms which I can relate to.

My Uncle was 96 and needed short stay care after a spell in hospital. The hospital doctor suggested a place and it was lovely. The staff were amazing and uncle positively bloomed. We found out it was a private home that took some NHS patients for the short term and it was well out of uncles reach to pay to stay so sadly he had to go back home as the social worker said he was capable of home care. He missed the company, the safety of the home and the staff so much and died in a couple of months. Daily visits by family and friends are not the same as having people there for you all the time. I wish all care homes were as good as this one.

My mother lived in Lancs and we live in Notts and so when the sad time came for to go into a care home due to her Alzheimer's, we looked to move her down to Notts so we could visit every day. The difficulties we encountered by moving from one district to another was ridiculous. Lancs had a much stricter criteria for what they considered nursing care than Notts and so refused to pay, even though the home we chose was very clear that mum needed nursing care. How can standards vary so widely from county to county? Due to the diligence of the Notts care home manager it was eventually sorted out but at a time which is distressing for all, it was a daily nightmare for about 2 months. I checked the CQC reports for homes in my area and was pleased to have something to refer to. However in my experience, what matters most is the dedicated care of the staff on a daily basis, which is not always evident in a report or even in a visit. It is only when you spend considerable time in these homes, including over night, that you realise what they are really like. The good care workers are worth their weight in gold, but not paid accordingly.

We've had to use respite care in a home several times for an elderly relative with dementia and, like others have said, find it "good in parts".

It is a relief to know that he's someone else's responsibility for that time, but the smaller details are a perpetual frustration. Personal hygiene seems sketchily addressed. Clothes go missing in the laundry. I phone every day to speak to him, and while being put through to him ask the staff to TAKE him out to the garden as he loves the outdoors. My request seems to be new to the staff each time, and I'm left wondering who has the worse memory issues! Then they say "he's free to go out there himself" and I point out that he doesn't remember that and needs to be encouraged and taken because he thinks he's in a hospital and can't just wander around...

It's a frustrating situation and far from ideal, but seems to be the only option for now. In an ideal world staff would be properly selected, trained, retained and paid.

I'm afraid I can confirm most of what has been said above about what care homes say they will do versus the reality for residents.

Just visiting a formerly active and spirited relative in two homes chosen by others (with best intentions and doing the kind of checks necessary), I found that bringing problems to the attention of the staff was sometimes met with resentment, bordering on insolence. Latterly, I often left in tears. I did try to raise my concerns with the responsible relatives and the home management, the former having more effect usually.

Admittedly, the cared-for person became increasingly difficult through dementia, but was much better when stimulated (better in the first home), most of which (in the second home) was left to us visitors who were very restricted in when we could visit, by a rather devious system which made us unwelcome in the main visiting room for an hour before every meal and some time afterwards, and an early afternoon staff meeting IN that, leaving about an hour for a visit before the room had to be cleared again. I often - through work - passed the home at times when I could have popped in to say hello to a very lonely and isolated friend, but it became impossible and my visits dried up.

There's lots more but if you ask the closer relatives they will tell you it was a great home and the care was OK. I have no children (just a step family) and it has made me think very carefully about who should have the say for me, though needless to say I absolutely dread the thought of ever going in to a home.

What I would say is - even if you think you have a great choice for your loved one - visit often at different times, ask questions and notice things.... like: - How do the staff respond to requests for the toilet? Do you ever see immobile older people "parked" alone facing a wall? Do the residents, especially your loved one, ever get out to feel the sun on their faces in those beautiful grounds? How long is it before the doorbell to the locked home is answered, even if you can see people scurrying back and forth?

I read the reports on the homes and was pretty shocked to see that the questionnaires for relatives were given out by the manager. Needless to say I never got one. Even if I did, I had no proof of my observations and would have worried about the effect on the resident.

And to that, I must add that there are some really good people working in all homes. Kind, intelligent, honest people, but they have to go with whatever the rest of the shift do and their lives are hard enough in what is admittedly a difficult area. Sadly, I think my very limited experience of private care homes ranged from good-at-times to bad to very ugly, but in a local situation the staff might be your neighbours, children of friends etc. This, too, can make challenging the system very difficult.

On the other hand I do know - and have experience of visiting - a local authority home which is a lovely environment for older people. The waiting list is a mile long.

In Scotland, there has been a lot of controversy about the new Named Person scheme which gives children an independent state-appointed adult to promote their welfare. There is a crying need for such a scheme for the most vulnerable older people in care homes.

This is so true Pittcity
My H has recently been ill, 2 weeks in hospital, one of which was in a geriatric ward, it was awful. He has Alzheimer's and was so " out of it" and totally immobile, I didn't know how I could possibly cope and absolutely dreaded the future.
Any home dealing with dementia is £1000+ a week.
We have coped now with him home for over 2 weeks with carers coming in from the local authority which we get free for 6 weeks. The carers are good, the local SS are awful, we are still waiting for a shower stool and referral for a callcare pendant weeks after they were requested.
My H was never showered in hospital and still hasn't been ,almost 5 weeks on, the carers have to strip wash him .
Don't grow old is the unthinkable solution.

I have visited several local care homes for community events which seem to be fabulous places on the surface with cinemas, coffee shops, hair salons etc.
When MIL needed respite care we found that these facilities were hardly used and the residents were paying extortionate amounts to make a place look good in the brochure.
MIL spent her last few weeks in a no frills home which was clean and friendly with hard working staff. The family were given a list of those available and we visited unannounced. The one we chose was the one that we were made to feel welcome at the minute we rang the bell.
The CQC reports are good to read but are only a snapshot in time.
Getting care also boils down to money and this has already been discussed many times on GN.

I am a Chaplain and regularly visit local nursing and care homes. In my town all the homes have a CQC rating of good or outstanding and I have read the CQC reports for all of them. The home managers are justifiably proud of getting Outstanding ratings and the local papers are happy to run articles when CQC ratings are published.
When I was looking for a suitable place for an elderly relative her main concern was more to do with the social status of the other residents and she had no interest whatsoever in listening to official reports! She was a terrible snob.

I am afraid that I have yet to have a good experience with the care system
I first had to help find a care home for my husband's grandmother
She was in her nineties died at 99yrs of age.
In that time she was moved 3 times.
Each one seemed worse than the last.
She was through lack of funds in council run homes.

My father was kept in his own home by my sister and myself.
However he was on several occasions in respite care in different are care homes.
They were awful!
My father was deaf from childhood and had dementia.
I am so upset by the treatment of my father that do not feel able to go into any details at present.

My mother in law has dementia and my husband and I are doing what we can to keep her at home.
My DH is an only child
so we are the only ones that can care for her (our children have toddlers)
We dread her going into a care home even though doctors and care workers keep suggesting it.

We haven't had a proper holiday for several years.

We will hopefully never to end up in a care home.

Some 7 years ago when we were looking for a dementia care home for my mil we trekked around many local care homes and always arrived unannounced as we had been advised. It was very frustrating when a huge percentage of the homes we visited had a very strong smell of urine the minute you walked through the door and was all around the place but stronger near the bathrooms and when I asked the home managers why this was they were shocked . One of them almost threw us out for having the nerve to say so .
I was wondering if the CQC checks are unannounced or if it's done via appointments so they can clean the place up before a visit .
Another surprise to us when we visited all the care homes was the complete lack of interest at some of them at providing activities or stimulation for the residents. At one we were told dvd's are available if they want to watch a film and we have dominoes ,they did not have a member of staff to do activities . So residents just sat around doing nothing all day every day.
At one care home it was just a maze of doors with bolts at the top so residents could get nowhere and every bedroom door had a bolt at the top on the outside. We reported that one to the FACT as it really disturbed me I had nightmares for nights after I'd seen it.
The care home we finally chose had a lovely clean fresh smell all around the home and had a full calendar of games ,baking, knitting, nail care sessions. ball games, painting and it was all done and not just there for show ,they had visitors in with healing dogs , music and dance , choirs etc you name it they had it .
The staff were mainly excellent with just the odd one or two that were there purely for the wage and not for the love of the job and when they were on duty only paperwork got done.They completely ignored residents shouting for the toilet etc.
Mil was there for a happy 7 years .