Let's talk dating apps with Lumen

Maybe I'm getting old (dare I say it) but dating apps seem very cringy and people not really after a real meaningful relationship. Not for me.

I've looked at a few sites and apps but have always been put off by the fact that you need to give almost no information before being "matched" to men who claim to be interested.
It became a sort of a game after a while - how little can I give while still receiving a supposedly selected list?
The least was a name and age - no photo, no preferences, no likes or dislikes, nothing.!
This put me off entrusting any information at all

I've tried dating apps in past & had some great fun. Even found last husband & a stalker after that failed. Nearly 10 years on from those days & all people want is to put notches on the bed post. I've been single without even a date for over 2 years now. Self-worth is now keeping me single.

I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty fork.
I'm not sure how I would truthfully describe myself without sending potential dates running off screaming to the hills.

We have several friends who met via a dating app and they all had a very positive experience. It worked for them, so never say never would be my motto for those who are thinking about giving it a go.

Just been thrust onto the dating scene after the break down of my 29 year marriage. I’m really not sure right now what I think. I have been on one date and let’s just say he took a good photo.

Would not use one myself (I'm happily married) But I have heard of horror stories regarding this kind of dating. One lady I know was harassed constantly for a year and in the end had to go to the police. That would put me off if I was single

You do need to be careful, there are some people out there not to be trusted. Fortunately I belonged to a good site and they alerted me to a fraudster I’d been chatting to. It confirmed my suspicions. Go with your instincts, be careful, be smart, be optimistic. Life is better shared with good companionship in our later years.
Like everything there are good sites and ones to be seriously avoided!

NO not for me I would never use a dating site. I probably wouldn’t need to even if I wanted to as I am very social and I still work full time so always meeting new people . I have no interest but a few friends I know have used them and I have not heard of a good experience yet. A few friends have been scammed and others just felt upset and let down when people don’t turn out be who they said where. I dont think there are enough safe gaurds.

I tried it for 6 months, I met several people online. I didn’t go out and meet anyone until my 6 months were almost up. I changed my goalposts several times. I finally went out and met a lovely chap, we’ve been a couple for over 3.5 years now.

I have never used a dating app but would consider it. Very very nervous about trying it due to the bad press. Would like to try meeting someone as a friend l think at first. Have heard that too many dating sites are being used by men purely for sex.

After my 2nd divorce at 54, I did venture into the world of internet dating for a while. Rather naively, with hindsight. I had assumed that OP's intentions would be as stated on their profiles. However, whilst I met some pleasant enough men from time to time, I had no inclination to continue the relationships beyond a first lunch or coffee when it was obvious to us both that whilst we had both enoyed our meeting, there was no 'spark' however well our prior emails and phone conversations had gone. There is no substitute for meeting someone face to face to see whether the 'virtual' relationship holds water. So often, it doesn't. Also I was at pains to be as honest as possible in my online profile, including up to date photos ...and was shocked and dismayed to find that many men had added 3 or 4 inches to their height and 'dropped' at least five years from their age. I simply couldn't understand why - after all, if you are going to meet someone, the truth will out! I found that particular deception really difficult to deal with. After all, you can't really ask, ahead of meeting - have you lied about your age and your physical appearance...it's a difficult one. Some men who professed to be looking for a life partner were quite clearly looking for something MUCH less lasting...again cleverly dressed up as being a genuine person looking for a 'new start with someone special'. All that said, I did meet two lovely men, (several years apart) with whom I felt relaxed, happy and optimistic about the future. However when the crunch came, both were still very much in love with their most recent ex partner and I was shocked to find how sad and hurt I felt. So now, no more! I don't need the drama and I certainly don't need the heartbreak, so I have been single by choice, for nearly nine years. There are times when I think, shall I...just give it one more go...? But then I think not! I have a large and wonderful family of children, sons and daughters in law and grandchildren, plus a cute little dog. I shan't be internet dating again, ever. It works for some people, undoubtedly...but it didn't for me.

I am not interested as I don’t need it. I am glad for whoever wants to be going that road. You must be smart, outspoken and quick witted. Be safe.

I haven't ever tried dating sites of any description, but I have heard from friends and relatives who have been very happy with them. One friend met her current companion on a site and they have been together in their later years for over 12 months. The good thing about their meeting up is that they now have a companion to share their lives and to go travelling with, even though they have their own separate lives and homes at each end of the country. Their meeting up happened after she was widowed and he was divorced. At the other end of the scale two younger people I know found their spouses through internet dating. I see nothing wrong with meeting someone this way as long as you remain in control of your life and are not forced into doing anything you don't want to. I do think you have to be "ready" to put yourself out there with a positive hope of meeting someone you will be happy with, regardless of whether it leads to a permanent relationship.

I don't have a smart phone, but even if I did I would not want to sign on to a dating app. Reason being that people can pretend to be anything. I think where potential partners are concerned I would prefer to meet them through friends and face to face. Dating apps can't convey that connection between people I feel.

As I'm happily married I haven't had the need to use one. Off the top I would say I would be unlikely to do so as I have the feeling( probably entirely unjustified) that people's profiles might not reflect their actual circumstances.

Did try it for a while after my husband left 14 years ago. Signed up to about 3 different ones.Did meet a couple of nice genuine people but they were few and far between.Quickly realised that most of them just wanted sex.Some were married or in long term relationships.Better to try and meet someone in the 'real' world !

I have had several friends who have used them and now it almost seems to be the norm when people tell me how they met. I have one friend who has been disappointed and not met anyone she feels happy with but that is the minority - I have been to at least 3 or 4 weddings where people have met this way.

I have never used the online dating site nor an app. Like others, I would prefer to meet someone in a social group face to face.

I tried online dating a number of years ago. The saying “the odds are good, but the goods are odd” seemed to apply. I met some perfectly nice men, with whom I became friends. I also met some total freaks. Chemistry is a strange and unpredictable thing, so I found that the trick was to meet people fairly quickly for a coffee, rather than type messages back and forth for ages, only to meet them and realise there was nothing there. One guy used a very, very old, very inaccurate photo. One lectured me for 45 minutes on the scoring methodology for the actuarial exams (I kid you not). I only had 3 criteria for men: no smokers, no excessive use of hair care products, and no white leather dress shoes (that are not trainers). I was casting the net pretty wide. I met a man who, within 3 minutes of meeting, lit a cigarette. There were only 3 criteria! Why would you respond if you are a smoker??? I met lots of men who cannot spell. I was sent the same message two different times by the same man (he cut and pasted it, and seemed to forget he had already messaged me). I got messages from a man who forgot to take the other woman’s name off the greeting. I was happy to meet a stranger for a coffee, but some men insisted I travel far to meet them for the first time, or come to dinner at their house when I had never met them before (no thanks). Some just wanted to type endlessly and never meet. I finally got a message that read (all in lower case letters): “my name haas. need woman. phone number 07xx xxx xxx”. He also looked like Jabba the Hutt (at least from the shoulders up). Hmmm. Incentive to call you? Zero! That is when I finally gave up. I am happy and self contained. I would rather just go to lectures and events that I am interested in. If I meet someone that is good company, then great. If not, no worries.

as paintingthetownred pointed out...humour is actually a MUST...

I have no wish to join a dating site myself as I'm very happily married and my first experience was of a friend who met her fella on one of these. They got on really well and ended up getting married and seem very well suited. My closer experience is of my son who after a long term relationship broke down and another one ended quite badly, decided to try a dating website. He's met a few ladies who have all seemed very nice but just not quite his thing. He is at the moment on his way to see another lady who he has known for two weeks.. Apparently she is very clingy and needy but he does like her so they're going to have a talk and see how things go. I hope they work out, he deserves some happiness and I don't want him spending another Christmas on his own like he did last year. So fingers crossed that they can sort things out and he has found his ideal partner.

Not used a friendship site as yet but that might be more my style.
Recently joined Match, left after a month as I was sent several real aubergine pics and talked to one guy who clearly wasn't the same person as his profile picture when we eventually FaceTimed. I spoke to 3 or 4 on the phone and they clearly were only interested in sex-asking me very personal questions and telling me the dimensions of their favourite friends!! I reported one and then left the site..Decided I was too old for all that..
Changed to Elite Singles-a bit better but most of the matches live miles away. I did meet 3 guys once each-one very nice but seasoned dater who interviewed me for 2 hours and then decided that I wasn't "The One" as I was an Aries! I met the second one after talking to him for several hours over 2 weeks (which was a waste of time and an attempt at talking me round) who clearly had one thing on his mind and I made a hasty retreat after a glass of wine. The third was a Psychotherapist who proceeded to quiz me in great detail as to my motives etc. etc.
The whole situation made me quite nervous and I felt rather vulnerable, having been away from the dating scene for so many years. It seems that as an older dater you have to expect detailed personal questionning on all aspects of your life on a first "date". I read all the really helpful guidance online about what to wear, how to project (and protect yourself), how to treat initial meetings as a coffee date with a friend rather than a "date", but it didn't help at all in practice and I certainly wouldn't recommend it for the faint hearted...

I met my husband on a dating site in 2004. My first husband left and I was at home with two teenagers and had no desire to go out and hang about bars in the hope of meeting someone. I was 40 then and most of the men I talked to (via msn messenger and the web site) had children too so also had to juggle their needs. It can be a bit scary but as long as you take everything with a pinch of salt and put sensible security measures in place when you meet up - daytime, meet for coffee, ask a friend to ring you about fifteen minutes after the start of your date which will give you an 'out' if things are not going well or you are uncomfortable about anything, then it is worth a try. I would never had met the wonderful man who is my husband now if we hadn't both been on a dating site, as he lived too far away for me to bump into him conventionally.

I would be very worried about using them because I think I would find it hard to trust the people on them , you never know these days about how real they are or if they are making up their identity.