The Invisible Woman Q&A - style and beauty

cheshiresmile25

Hi Helen,

I really like all the smock tops in the shops at the moment. Perfect for warm spring and summer days. But are they perfect for a 60 year old Grandma? I loved wearing them in the 70s, so should I not wear them a second time around?!

Thanks for any advice.

The rule used to be that if you remember it the first time round then you shouldn't consider it when it comes round again. Happily we've moved on from so-called rules, seen sense and liberated whole swathes of fashion for our personal enjoyment. I'm two years younger than you and love wearing smocks with capris or jeans. I believe fashion is there to be enjoyed and that means enjoyed by everyone. Go and have fun!

marbles

I also have a summer question - namely swimwear. My shape isn't too bad but (like everyone else it seems) I am not happy with my tummy and that's quite hard to disguise when you are in a swimsuit. I haven't found ones with tummy control panels particularly helpful and prefer dark or plain costumes rather than loud patterns. Would tankinis or bikinis be any better?

I adore Seafolly for swimwear. They do the cleverest things with cut, gathers and are patterned or plain. You can also buy separate tops and bottoms to make your own beach look to suit you. Having said that, I firmly believe that you should wear what you feel comfortable and happy in and if you want to wear a bikini then wear one, as far as I'm aware there isn't an age limit!

gwendo

Like many other people on here my area of issue is my tummy. I tend to hide it with longer tops etc but with occasionwear etc it is more tricky and I resort to control knickers. I find them impossible to get on and off (appreciate that they need to be tight to hold you in) and do worry after reading stories about what they do to your inner organs (are those stories true? I don't know but suspect there may be some truth at least) So I would like to find a brand which isn't going to cause damage but is going to do the trick and ideally ones which are not too impossible to put on/take off. I have come to grief with the ones that have "holes" for you to pee through without removing and would rather not go there again

My tummy problem is a big grinning hysterectomy scar and the new abdominal landscape that provided - I'm a bit "Yorkshire Dales" across the middle - although I try not to be ungrateful because the operation saved my life. I loathe control wear with a passion after trying Spanx and M&S and frankly I'd rather go without. I quite like a corset because it feels altogether more ladylike and no manicures get ruined putting one on. Try What Katie Did for faux vintage lingerie, corsetry and hosiery and channel your inner Marilyn. For a lighter touch there are some very good tights with light control over the tummy to smooth things out a bit and they don’t feel like you’re wearing a tourniquet. Google "control tights" and an enormous list comes up.

mags62

I have experimented with fake tans in the past (only on my legs which never seem to go brown like the rest of me) and never with any success. Is there a foolproof way of doing it without looking like a tiger or getting it on bedding and clothes? Is there one that doesn't reek to high heavens? Or is there another way to make my bare legs look ok for baring in summer? (knee length skirts or cropped trousers mainly)

I know this problem – the rest of me tans beautifully but my legs stay resolutely mushroom coloured. Preparation is everything with fake tan - make sure you moisturise and exfoliate (paying special attention to feet and knees) for at least a week before you apply. But you must apply to clean dry skin - so not straight after a shower or bath and not over moisturiser - and you must allow it time to be absorbed before you put clothing on top or wrap up in your duvet. Sali Hughes has made a good explainer film for the Guardian.

In terms of product there are the wash-off tans, the ones you build up over many applications and your actual fake tan. Taking those in order: Nars Body Glow tints pale legs beautifully and smells gorgeous; Johnson’s Holiday Skin body lotion works for me but it’s very subtle so might not be enough; for fake tan I'm a devoted user of Famous Dave's Fake Tanning range which you can get online from Victoria Health. I've never had a streak with it, the application mitt saves your hands and there's no whiffy giveaway.

wysteria

Hello Helen. I have a large bust (34FF) but am slim ish (with an emphasis on the ish) elsewhere apart from my tummy. I struggle to buy fitted tops because what fits elsewhere doesn't do up on my boobs. And if I go for floaty it can make me look bigger than I am elsewhere. What's the solution? I am of the opinion if you've got it, flaunt it. But then things that cling to my bust (fine) tend to cling to my tummy too (not so fine)

Have you tried the "cocoon" shape, like the silk dresses from Pure? They're lovely and easy to wear. For things fitted to your shape, then have a look at Saint Bustier - everyone I know over a D cup buys the most gorgeous things from there. It's also worth looking at Vivienne of Holloway for fitted dresses with a 50s flavour. Perfect for an hourglass figure.

binky

I am early 50s, a size 12-14 (half a stone to lose but reasonably happy with my shape) and have a question about jeans. I used to always go for boot leg, but as I have lost weight they don't seem to suit me so much. Plus they don't seem very fashionable. I was encouraged to try and pair of "skinny" jeans (not the super skinny ones you can't get your feet out of I hasten to add) and to my surprise they were a lot more flattering than anything I had already. But my question is - am I too old for this cut?

Dump the bootlegs! I suspect they'll go the way of loon pants (remember those?). As to whether you're too old for something, I only apply that rule to things that might end with a trip to A&E - like taking up skiing, or bungee jumping. Enjoy wearing your skinny jeans and anything else you feel happy and comfortable in – there's no such thing as too old.

Granny1London

I am a size 20/22 and find getting dresses impossible. If they fit they are inevitably too short.
I prefer natural fabrics as I still overheat!
Any suggestions welcomed.

You don't say how tall you are, but have you tried Gray and Osbourn? ASOS Curve is well worth a look, although you might find getting the right length tricky, and there's also Saint Bustier and Marisota.

jackiekiel

For affordable skincare, I can recommend a big tube of Aloe Vera gel from the health food shop. I use it as an all-over moisturiser, face too, and it sinks in invisibly. A large bag of Epsom Salts from the chemist is an effective substitute for bath salts and very relaxing. If you want it scented, put in a few drops of your favourite essential oil.
On the fashion front, can anyone recommend clothes that don't make one look like a pensioned-off hippy, a ship in full sail or an air hostess. There's a dearth of fashion for the mature women that is smart, neat, colourful, flattering and camouflaging. I like Oscar and Yacco Maricard but they're expensive and look better on tall women.

I know exactly what you mean! This is something I've been looking into in my Guardian column and I hear a lot of praise for Hobbs, Oska, Cos, Massimo Dutti and Toast. I'm also very keen on the smaller retailers/designers like Allium B, Saint Bustier and Cabbages & Roses. Zara can also be good, although the sizes are often limited and ASOS is surprising for the range it carries.

lujaha

Two problems for me. Shoes - I cannot wear ballets although I love them as I have arthritis in my left foot and need support in the form of a strap. I don't like trainers they look ugly and are uncomfortable, no heels as I just fall over !Please don't suggest granny shoes with velcro. There must be something else. Also do you think a maxi dress will do for a greek wedding but where to find one with short sleeves. I am 16-18 depending on make. 5'7" with tummy.
Help. Thank you.

You're in luck with shoes because this is the year of the flat and there are so many styles around - many with straps. This year's flat shoe often has a thicker sole as well and I don't know about you but I find that an absolute blessing. I know what you mean about granny shoes, but why don't you start by looking at the 21 pages of flats on the Office website? I always start on the internet to save my feet and sanity.

I think a maxi dress would work well for a Greek wedding (I’m assuming the weather will be hot). Or you could try something in a "midi" length. There is new stock coming into Hobbs in time for summer and I see there's a pretty blue one with short sleeves expected soon. Cabbages & Roses have the beautiful silk Parachute Dress in pink or blue with a short-sleeved fitted bodice and an enormous swishy skirt. You could also try Oska for a more unusual cut.

Maggiemaybe

I seem to have lost the knack of getting a holiday wardrobe together. I can plan a good smart outfit for work, love dressing for formal dos and happily live in jeggings, ankle boots and nice tops off-duty in Autumn/Winter. But informal Summer dressing seems beyond me. Crop/white linen trousers make my bum look the size of a planet, ditching the opaque tights does my pasty legs no favours (and I hate the fake bake look) and I feel like mutton dressed as lamb in shorts anyway, if off the beach. I always end up wearing the same linen shifts I go to work in, and feeling a bit overdressed. Any advice would be appreciated!

This is a perennial problem. I won't get my knees out in public so shorts are for the beach or the back garden. My personal preference is for below-knee leggings under an above-knee loose shift for everyday wear. I have an array of linen ones that I've picked up over the years, most recently in Jigsaw. Because I don't like my knees – I inherited my father's legs and he was a rugby player – I also layer a shorter skirt/dress over a longer one, or stick a vintage cotton petticoat underneath. In fact, layers are your friend as long as you don't go overboard and finish up with too much bulk and looking like a lampshade. If you have a neat waist then make a feature of it but have a full skirt over the hips. I love a swishy skirt, me.

19smp59

As I'm getting older I am drawn to wearing black a lot more. I love Cos and Hobbs for clothes and Cos especially do some lovely black tops. I just worry that wearing all black may be a little ageing. What is your opinion? Just have to add, I love your column and you are brilliant on Twitter!!

As a confirmed wearer of black I don't see anything wrong with it! I'm often in head to toe black but I usually wear bright red lipstick to lift it. I prefer to keep make-up fairly lowly key except for that pop of colour on the lip, a hint of blush and a black eyeliner flick. As you say it can age but it very much depends what you put with it. Because it's a spare look I'd advise keeping it all pretty minimal without too many accessories. If you have strong features it provides a sensational canvas on which to project your own unique style and one of the best things about getting older is that you're much more free to be unique.

annemac101

My daughter is getting married in November. I have been looking online to see what the shops have to offer for my outfit and all the models modelling mother of the bride outfits are tall,size 10 and under thirty five. The price in those shops would make you run and hide. All outfits seem to be made of unforgiving satin. I'm 5ft 3 in and a size 16. I just don't know where to look or what to wear.

You've got plenty of time so don't despair. Take yourself into somewhere like Hobbs (who rightly place a great deal of emphasis on good customer service) and ask them to help point you in the right direction. Much depends on the individual assistant but if you go during the week when they're less busy then they should be happy to give advice. Or try one of the personal shoppers in a big store, which sounds expensive but they don't always expect you to buy (check beforehand) and they know the stock and have a good eye for what suits different people. It's also worth considering having something made to measure by a dressmaker (Vogue patterns have some gorgeous designers in their catalogue). If you want to push the boat out then The Fold have the most beautiful range which they will tailor to fit. I agree that anything shiny is best avoided. You need something you can put on and forget about so you can relax and enjoy the day.

cazthebookworm

I love eyeliner too, and I'm in my 70's, but I am never sure about which colour eye shadow looks best. I have hazel eyes and have used a dark brown for years, quite full on, but when I try a paler colour like lilac, which is supposed to be appropriate for a woman of certain years, my friends say I looked washed out. What do you advise please. My granddaughter bought me some fake lashes, but I have not been stupid brave enough to wear them yet!!

If anyone tells you to do anything and includes the phrase "age appropriate" politely but firmly ignore them. There's no such thing. I detest lilac, peach and all those "meh" pastel shades because they drain colour from the face and we tend to go a bit paler as we age anyway - as Sue Kreitzman (Fabulous Fashionistas) says "beige will kill you". I love colour but I think the trick is not to go too mad with it until you're sure about what suits you. It's worth talking to a friendly counter assistant who will show you what's new and may also make you up to show you what works but go in bare-faced so they don't have any preconceived ideas. It's also worth going during the week when they're less busy.

On fake lashes - I find I look better if I apply them in little chunks at the outer corners rather than a full set but different people suit different things. There’s a good video tutorial from Sali Hughes on the Guardian website that shows how to apply them if you're unsure. Some stores, like Shu Uemura will show you, or better still do it for you. I've noticed Mary Berry wearing them recently, so that's the official stamp of approval!

nanakate

Hello - thanks for coming out and coming onto gransnet! My question is about boobs. Not fashion boobs, but breasts. As I have got older mine have got bigger, and bigger, and have really become a problem clotheswise because I have always been petite and narrow across the back. I often resort to wearing shapeless clothes but I still feel as though my tits are entering a room before I do. Any advice on how to dress in shapely clothes that don't emphasise the bosom?

I empathise because this has happened to me too! Best thing I ever did was take some time to get myself properly sized and I didn't do that until 6 years ago at the tender age of 52. Having done that I found the style of bra I wore helped a lot. Underwired and balconette styles give me grand architectural proportions (occasionally appropriate) and a basic t-shirt bra makes everything a good deal more modest. If I wear a loose top then I wear a fitted lower half and vice versa. I also drape big scarves - not those tiddly twee ones. And someone today pointed me towards this cocoon shape from Pure. I'd also recommend having a look at Saint Bustier, who specialise in accommodating us!

varian

For the last ten years or more short cropped jackets seem to have replaced the comfortable longer styles which cover lumpy bits. I desperatley need a new jacket to wear with black trousers for work - where can I find one?

Hm. It depends on your size and how much you want to spend. Jackets, to me, are an investment piece and I don't mind splashing out a little more on them. Jaeger are excellent, as are Hobbs. Having said that, I've had some gorgeous jackets from L K Bennett that are still going strong and a 5 year old Zara Basics cotton blazer that cost me £25 and comes out every year!

Another trick is to layer a cropped jacket over a longer shirt or t-shirt – the old rules about lengths no longer apply and layering seems to be here to stay. It's a good way of staying, ahem, "on trend" but still putting your own stamp on it.

HilaryCME

I've lost a stone, 14 and topheavy, but 12 on bottom half, long legs, one fat ankle owing to injury. Skinny trousers expose my cankles. Agree footwear problematic.
I avoid beige and wear bright colours on top of basic black T shirt, v neck, takes a few pounds off. But what is the matter with M and S and this years awful T shirts? Other shops?
Also any tips for making the best of very sparse lower eyelashes?

On t-shirts: I'm inclined to either buy from Gap or All Saints and I stock up when they have a sale on. Occasionally, I treat myself to Zadig & Voltaire and sometimes I pick them up from festivals, concerts or other events - in which case they're always too high in the neck so the first thing I do is cut them down (raw edges are no longer frowned upon). Zara are also good although I find Gap and All Saints are best for length.

Lashes: I had this problem after cancer. Someone put me on to Talika lash conditioning gel with liposomes and I've been using it ever since. I get mine from Space NK and it's a little pricey at £26 but it lasts for ages. There are other lash conditioners around but I've been using Talika for about 10 years and I know it works!

Allegra

Just to ingratiate myself first, I much enjoy your Guardian column/blog and your tweets.
My question is about footwear. Do you have any views on the naffness/acceptability of trainers as part of a daily 'uniform'?
I ask because I am in a pickle with my ankle, which is taking ages to recover from wrecked tendons suffered six long, dreary, immobilised months ago. The only comfortable footwear is my erstwhile running shoes, obviously not currently in use for their original purpose. They are trouble-free to wear, whereas anything else more structured or with the slightest height gives me a bad time and I suffer afterwards.
Something of a trainer-ish tendency might do the trick, but do you have any thoughts on what?
(PS We're talking low-budget, inevitably . . .)
Very many thanks.

Hello Allegra. I'm paying the price for years of dancing and sympathise. I'm very much for trainers if I'm walking anywhere, or a good pair of leather brogues - the softer, deconstructed sort that All Saints do (or used to). At pushing 60 I've got lazy in the summer and stick with black patent toe-post Birkenstocks with lovely red painted toenails - goes with everything, still looks smart and they last for years. Sue Kreitzman (Fabulous Fashionistas) wears Crocs all the time, which works for her because she wears them with wit and humour. I can't stand the things but I like them on Sue. I still wear heels but not all day and I've always got a pair of Birkies to change into. Finally, this is the year of the flat and with so many styles to choose from I think I'm going to be stocking up – perhaps you should too!

KatyK

Hello Helen

I am in my 60s and have totally 'lost it' when it comes to clothes. Like most women, I used to know what suited me and was usually really happy with what I wore when I was younger. I am only slightly overweight (in the tummy area) but I am 5ft 6ins so I don't look too bad weight wise. Nothing I buy seems right. I will buy an item and be quite happy with it but when I actually wear it I look in a mirror or see a photograph and think 'what were you thinking'. I love skinny jeans and shirts but can never find the right ones. Any ideas/tricks for getting my sense of style back?

Oh Katy, I remember feeling like this! I felt as though I was living in someone else's skin and didn't feel like myself at all. If you can face it, it's worth taking a friend (one you can trust) - or go on your own if you feel robust enough to deal with assistants - and go on a window-shopping spree.

If you find a sympathetic assistant, ask their advice. Don't buy anything, and don't let anyone pressure you to, just try things on that you perhaps hadn't considered before. At the end of your expedition you'll only remember the things you really liked. It's a case of discovering what works for you now and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised by what does. Don't give up - it will come back.

Kathcan1

It's a confidence trick, we all like to think we're a size smaller than we actually are. Sizing has always differed between brands but some companies have got very mean with their material, there are garments are poorly tailored and poorly fitting they need exposing.

I agree. I asked this question in my Guardian column the other week, and also the way manufacturers size clothing has changed substantially over the last 40 years and what would have been Size 12 in 1975 is now more like a Size 8 by today's grading, which in turn means there is little consistency between retailers. A good idea for a Gransnet feature perhaps? If it's a recommendation you're after I don't think you can go wrong with Toast for good quality basics that will last or, if you don't want to spend a lot the Zara Basics range is a good one.

cyberjack

Hi Invisible Woman! I love your column in the Guardian and I follow your hilarious progress on Twitter.
My philosophy is to keep on the move as much as possible (no one can focus up on the sagging bits then if one is just a blur) and to look after my skin as best I can. What is your advice about moisturizer...? I give up sometimes as there are so many. I end up always buying No 7 (ever since that Horizon programme).

Hello - and thank you! I think it’s not so much which moisturiser but what goes with it, as in diet, lifestyle and to a certain extent genes. I’d have no hesitation recommending the No. 7 Protect & Perfect (despite the ghastly ‘ta-dah!’ tagline). I’m very fond of the Caudalie range when I’m in funds and they’re very good with little taster samples - samples are so useful for testing on your skin and they’re also good for travelling. At the moment I’m definitely NOT in funds and I’m washing my face with Simple moisturising facial wash (never soap) and using Johnson’s baby oil on my face and around the eyes, which works for me and costs very little.

Valbeasixties

Hi Helen,
I am a newly retired Head Teacher on a pension so need to be economical when buying clothes, even though I love doing so. I tend to resort to browsing at TKMaxx as so many shops which sell clothes for my age group are very expensive. I want modern clothes which are cut for a 'more mature' figure. Per Una seems to have become predictable and more suited for the 'older retired'. I have not yet explored any of the online retailers which are especially geared for 50+ women. Help!
Val

Browsing TKMaxx is a good place to start but as you say, you do have to invest time and shoe leather. The stock varies according to store location and the same is true of charity shops so it’s worth travelling a bit to try somewhere new. Have you tried eBay? Daunting amount of things to go through but you quickly get to recognise what’s good and what’s not. Online shopping is a good way of getting round the sales without wearing yourself out. And don’t limit yourself to places that “specialize” in older women, look at ASOS, Topshop, Hobbs, Jaeger. Look at Net-a-Porter, My Wardrobe, Selfridges and Gray & Osbourn, not to buy but to research the kind of thing you like. The cut of clothes for a more mature figure (and we do change shape) is an issue manufacturers need to address but until they do it’s a case of tracking down the labels that work for your shape and taste.