Feel lost

dunnowhattodonow

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. My husband and I are planning more trips away, now we feel more comfortable leaving our daughter and the kids. It’s a process we have to just go with . I know they will still need us , just not so much as before . I’ve always been a worrier and I’m trying hard to push the worries away.

They don't have to need you in their lives , to want you in their lives ...my 3 AC don't need us anymore....w en picking up GDs from school or having them for sleepovets is because we want to....or if they ask and we said no, they could find several others who could help out....but all my AC choose to spend time with us whilst forging their own lives....it will be the same for you...how wonderful that your DD has picked herself up and feel independent again ...and what a great help you were when she needed support

Thank you all for your kind words and advice. My husband and I are planning more trips away, now we feel more comfortable leaving our daughter and the kids. It’s a process we have to just go with . I know they will still need us , just not so much as before . I’ve always been a worrier and I’m trying hard to push the worries away.

I feel for you having been through a similar situation with an extremely nasty narcissistic ex who dragged my daughter through the courts refusing to agree anything without this. He unfortunately now has 40%care and co parenting is challenging. However my daughter has moved on with a new partner and we are not needed as much now and it is difficult for us to move on. We are in constant fear what he will do if our daughter crosses him in anyway but life is more normal and I need to let go now and enjoy my retirement. My advice is take each day one at a time and start doing things for you. You will always be needed but the stress hopefully lifting so you can relax again

You have done so much for her and the children, they will be very grateful. It’s now your time to do what you want. Go out, enjoy yourself, live your life but if your ex sil is still being abusive your dd might consider reporting this to the police.

I would try to set a pattern i.e. ask your daughter, new partner and children around once a month for dinner and keep all channels open with your daughter just in case. Also, find some hobbies you enjoy doing and spoil yourself and go and do something special with your husband. Life is too short , especially at our age, to dwell on things. Enjoy all the positive things she tells you about her family and children and try to overlook any minor rumbles if there are any. Do you have any old friends or haunts you could look up?

You have lived in stress mode for a while, it will take time to calm

Try and direct that energy towards things that benefit your physical and emotional health

I get where you are Dunno, I’ve been there, nasty ex and all. Please just take it a day at a time and hopefully a new, and maybe even better, routine will emerge for you. Or maybe, like us, you may be thrown a curve ball but not necessarily a bad one! We constantly remind ourselves how fortunate we are to have our DGD still a big part of our lives when so many GP have theirs abroad or estranged even. You are still needed, your daughter won’t forget you, neither will your grandchildren. Take care, I hope you’ll start to feel better soon.

I suppose it is a bit like the so called "empty nest syndrome", you have to get used to a new way of living. It may not be easy, I expect that you are used to putting other people's needs before your own and find it difficult to know what exactly you like to do just for yourself, take your time, and you may discover that living life without so many responsibilities is better than you thought.

Take some time for yourself your daughter hasn’t forgotten you she’s just moving on. Be happy for her.