18th or 21st?

I have the same issue at the end of the year. I am sure she is expecting something special... Help!

Tricky! We only did a special 18th for our girls /nephews. Big pressie on 18th and then I acknowledged nephews' 21sts with a slightly more generous gift voucher than I gave in the previous two years!

We celebrated our boys 18th with a party and invited all their friends as I knew they where all going their separate ways and would maybe not be around three years later,then when it was their 21st they both had a cheque and a personal present from DH and myself,DD celebrated her 21st only but always had a party or holiday until she had her DCs.For DGCs I have given more on 21st than on 18th nephews/nieces the same.

I think you have done your bit Greatnan - I would say something like "You had your special coming of age present when you were 18. You don't get it twice mate!"

Thank you, Jess. Unfortunately, I cannot communicate with him at all, as he has blocked all contact from me to please his mother. I have sent best wishes through his older sister and asked her to let me have his bank details. He would know where the money came from because I would just put the reference 'Nan' on the transfer.

greatnan

Ah I wondered if that was the chap. I think anything other than normal birthday present would look like you were trying to buy his favour (as it were) on this occasion. Grown up now. Twice over.

You are right, Jess - I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. I would hate my grandchildren to think I was being nasty because of their mother's problems. I want them to know that I will always love and miss them so I will go on doing what I would have done anyway. Because I have so many descendants I had made the rule that I only bought gifts for non-earners, such as my four great-grand-daughters and the three grandchildren who are still at school, but it seems the 21st is still considered to be a special birthday.

My children all elected to have a special birthday treat and present for their 18th, with immediate family, and a big birthday celebration for their 21st, with lots of friends and family, hired hall or restaurant and special cake. Their friends wanted the same.

I stop buying birthday presents for most young relatives, (except grandchildren when they get there!) when they reach 18. I'll send cards after that, and will buy a present for their 21st. I'm retired now and they don't expect me to spend money on presents for young relatives who have higher incomes than me.

I spent my 21st birthday on a beach... it was in Cyprus, and I was filling sandbags, for the defence of married quarters!

In true British service style, I found a way to skive... there were some children on the beach, from the Officers' Married Quarters, and they wanted to help - I told them I couldn't let them, it was too difficult, and stood back and let them get on with it! They did a pretty good job actually.

feetlebaum I had been married for 7 months on my 21st so had official family party..a fairy typical event.. and then something livelier with our friends from college! I got my first sewing machine from my parents!

I spent my 21st birthday on night duty - I was a 3rd year student nurse. My mother came up in the afternoon with my presents and we popped out to the pub for a celebratory drink before I went on duty at 7.30pm. I felt very low not having a proper party on the day itself. However, when I got onto the ward the patients all sang 21 today and gave me a bunch of flowers. So it was special afterall. I think it all changed with the age of majority going from 21 to 18 - sort of lost the magic somehow.

I was married and a mum and a student on my 21st. I can tell you what I did. I started my final degree exams that day. I remember reading Cancer Ward at the time as my "light relief" from revising. My Nana will certainly have made me a cake - she was pretty darn good at the old victoria sponge. That will have been limit of celebrations.

Yes, it was different in our day!

But back to the point - it really is silly that we are now supposed to celebrate two milestones in the space of three years. In my opinion 18 is of course these days the age of majority, but 21 will always be special, and I know my own DD had a wonderful 21st with all her friends and family. The fact that I can't remember her 18th indicates to me that she just went out with her mates to the pub for her first legal drink!

18 gets the big present then 21 gets one that is slightly larger than usual but not that much.

I know it is a little like an acknowledgement of becoming an adult ...but why isn't it now 16? After all, so much is legal for them then??

Greatnan ...think I agree with JessM in your difficult circimstances.

My father joined the regular army in 1936 and received orders to report for duty on the day before his 21st birthday. Next morning he broke the ice on his mug of shaving water before he could shave and start his basic training.