Infuriating men

My OH also went on a cookery course when he retired (flash in the pan as we might have predicted - he's never cooked since!).

The tutor (let's call her Val) kept encouraging and praising his efforts and it became a family joke: oh, Val says this or Val says that.

He came back one week with some bread he had made and once again started telling how brilliant Val thought they were and we went into teasing mode - he got quite shirty and said "She did like it; she said she could feel it rising in her hand." - he wondered why we were all clutching our sides laughing!!

Ohangiebaby shall we all scream together and cause a tsunami. If and I hardly ever do ask him to dish up the dinner, he just slops in all together in the middle of the plate a great heap. He's not totally useless. He can clean and mostly do it much better than me. He can iron trousers and clean shoes. He was in the army so that may account for that. He does cut the grass and he can mend a car. He has many redeeming features( there for future posts) but sometimes I just want to put a rocket up his arsebackside.

girls girls girls,,,,,,,,these men are all the damn same,,,i cook all the meals do all the washing all the housework,,all the ironing all the garden etc etc etc,,,,what does he do,,,,,,sweet naf all, except wait a minute,,,,,!!!! er,,,ah...um..............ah got it, !!!!!! watch the telly and sit in the chair, ...now i tell him once then put his dinner on the table and i sit down and eat mine,,,,,,,lovely on my own,,,,no tv,,,,no sport ringing in my ears,,,,heaven,,,,i leave his till he comes,,,,,,,,he goes,,,,oh you have started yours,,,,,,,yes....i called you,,,he says i didnt hear you,,,,,,,,,,,,no cos the damn tv is up to loud thats why, and another thing that annoys me / if i shout come and set the table,,,,,,,,evry time he asks me,,,,,,what do you want on it !!!!!!!!! i could scream, the same as i always ask to go on the table.....knife fork spoon,,,,brown sauce,,,,and a glass of cold water and run the tap till its cold i dont like luke warm water.........i tell him every night, he has walked past his ironing thats on the stairs several times this week, im not putting it away,,,,,,,,,,men,,,,,i could scream,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Mr Rowantree has taken over much of the food shopping since he's retired - he loves going looking for bargains, either to the supermarket or local market and is far better than I am at spotting them. He also cooks quite a bit - though he's limited to fish and roasts, while I do the casseroles, quiches, pies or bakes. He comes down quickly when I call him and I do the same when it's his turn. Then whoever has cooked, the other does all the clearing and washing up (we don't have a dishwasher). It works pretty well for us.

I'm feeling a bit mean-spirited for criticising my DH. Although he doesn't cook, he does so much else including the bathroom and downstairs loo every other day, puts the rubbish out every day and the bins on the relevant days, stacks and empties the dishwasher always (apparently I do it in the wrong order) and keeps our garden looking nice. Plus all the many tasks I might ask him to do which my medical problems prohibit.

I'd be lost without him so making meals for him is one way to show my love for him. He always appreciates whatever I make and always thanks me for his meals.

On top of all that, he is a brilliant Grandad and always has time to play games, rough-house, and taxi for them as required.

I feel better for balancing the scales with his many virtues. What's making a few meals compared with all that?

But in all fairness, Theseus did look after me so well while I was recovering!

They certainly are Deedaa

Mine reads the paper at the kitchen table to make sure he doesn't miss anything but I don't mind as he pours the !

Aren't men wonderful HollyDaze ? I'm surprised your husband didn't end up needing stitches himself

My DH comes at a smart trot when I announce the meal is ready.It's the only thing that he comes at a smart trot for.I thought most men were the same, always ready for a meal, but obviously not.

Mine usually comes in when his stomach tells him, asks when lunch/dinner will be ready, when I say 5 minutes he then disappears. Should I go searching for him (he may be off chatting to a neighbour, or 'in the middle of something he has to do'). Grrr

I did occur to me that he could be a bigamist and married to Kiora as well as me . Is that where he gets to I wonder?

Ariadne

When I was recovering from the knee op, I realised, as I sat in the kitchen, giving instructions to a man who never cooks, just how much multitasking we actually do. Put that in the oven, while it's cooking empty dishwasher, then put * in microwave, put rice to cook, check oven, get plates out, wipe up spills....

Your husband should have had lessons from my first husband.

I once cut my hand very badly, it needed 7 stitches and was wrapped in a bandage with the instruction not to get it wet for 7 days. In order that it should remain dry and undamaged, my husband came home with a gift for me - a pair of rubber gloves and he proudly announced that he'd bought X Large so that the glove would fit over the bandage; he actually stood there beaming with pride at how inventive and thoughtful he'd been

My mind, at that point, also became thoughtful and inventive but I restrained myself

We'd be in penury by now if DBH cooked all the time - he does like his expensive cuts of meat. He's on holiday now and will cook on Wednesdays and Saturdays, to give me a break. I shall keep out of the kitchen because I shall scream if I see the mess he has made. I can't bear it. I do often end up having to wash the floor and the cooker top and bits of surface that he has missed, but after 20 years he is slowly getting better. Very, very slowly. Excruciatingly so. He loves cooking exotic meals but I have told him on more than one occasion that he makes me so much mess to clear up that I dread him doing it, so he has finally got the message and most of the dishes do eventually find their way into the dishwasher (there are always at least two loads because he always does several dishes and sometimes starters), and maybe he will even condescend to do a little washing up, which he hates.

I booked him a chef from the Prue Leith cookery school to come to our house and give him lessons once for his birthday. When I booked, I told tham that what I wanted from them was a lesson in good kitchen management, aka getting him to clear up as he went along! They were very good and did make him, I like to think some of it sank in, but not quite enough...

And why does he never remember to lay the table first? He will put out candles and light them, but I always end up having to find cutlery at the last moment.

When I was recovering from the knee op, I realised, as I sat in the kitchen, giving instructions to a man who never cooks, just how much multitasking we actually do. Put that in the oven, while it's cooking empty dishwasher, then put * in microwave, put rice to cook, check oven, get plates out, wipe up spills....

Poor man can only cope with one domestic thing at a time - and he does that one thing superbly. M&S was the solution after two days, and DD popping in with stuff. (Memo to self - get a perching stool when I have the hip done, and stock up at M&S beforehand.)

But I could not handle the finances in the way that he does - we'd be in penury by now!

This thread is one of the reasons I love Gransnet - I see that I'm not alone!
We do have an agreement now - I alert him 5 mins before it's ready and he's usually with me in time.
I do the cooking and he washes up.
He also likes to bake, and this involves me in more work than he realises - planning shopping for ingredients, helping/supervising etc. but I suppose it's worth it.
I think one of the big differences between men and women is that we are used to doing routine repetitive jobs day after day, whereas they can't take that ........ I suppose it's like servitude.

That made me smile, DeeDa. I cook, DH washes up. I tell him a few minutes before so that he can finish the paper, wash his hands, etc. This happy system is the result of some previous lively "explanations" of how annoying it is to make a lovely meal then have it go cold. ( If he makes me cup of coffee then I forget to drink it I never hear the end of it! ) Sometimes - as I am vegetarian and he is not - I require a few extra minutes on mine after his is served. Although he knows this he still waits for me unless I tell him to eat it while it is hot - drives me crazy.
He does the washing up but leaves it a lot longer than I'd like - I try not to let it get to me or it might become my job too! I do think the chores should be shared when you are retired but it can require some relaxing of standards.

Ooh no, the kitchen is a no go area when DH cooks. He doesn't need my orders advice anyway bless him.

If you really want your DH to cook you have to give him the kitchen totally and praise his efforts. You have to hold your tongue at all times and don't offer any advice at all. Always thank him after the meal too. Yes, I know he never did that to you but you want him to cook don't you? My only input is to try to get him to understand portion control!

A friend thought her DH would cook when he retired and he was happy to but she kept going into the kitchen and telling him to do it differently. Now he never cooks.

Last summer, as DH's birthday loomed. DD suggested we go halves and buy him a basic cookery course as he was virtually useless unpractised in the making of any meal more advanced than boiled eggs, beans on toast or similar.

So we did. Off he went with his smart new man's pinafore once a week for 6 weeks. He brought his offerings back and started a file of his recipes - cottage pie, stirfry, sausage and mash being three of them. However it hasn't had the desired effect which was that every now and again he make me a nice meal which I haven't had to 1.think of 2.buy ingredients for and 3.cook.

We have long since reverted to the previous established system of my cooking and serving and him clearing, stacking and emptying the dishwasher and emptying the bins. On the whole it works well and we play to our strengths. However, I would love, just now and again,to sit down to a nice home-cooked meal that I haven't had to cook. I'd even happily do the post-meal chores.

You have my sympathy Kiora - my husband was just the same. In the end, I told him once that dinner was served and if he didn't turn up within a couple of minutes (bearing in mind I would always tell him 'dinner will be 10 minutes, so he knew in advance), I'd sit and eat my dinner. The look on his face when he'd stroll in and find I'd pretty much finished was priceless - he soon stopped doing it.

Phoenix my OH does that with spoons too! When I've told him off he says that it's to save the worktop getting dirty Apparently, it's OK to stain the tea towels instead

My OH 'makes' a steak pie every now and again. Translated this = opens tin of cooked steak pieces, rolls out bought pastry, puts meat in dish, whacks pastry on top, decorates it with leftover pastry cut into small discs and bakes it This culinary masterpiece somehow involves flouring the entire worktop, most of the floor, anything in the washing-up rack and, if she's unlucky enough to be within 100 yards of the kitchen, the cat as well

He also kindly suggests that we have salads 'to save me cooking' - he doesn't grasp the fact that it takes ten times as long to prepare by the time you've washed everything and chopped/diced/sliced etc!!

Having said all that, back to the original post, he never hangs back when there's food on offer & always comes after the first yell

Deedaa I sympathise with your dh too. I was brought up to wait for everyone to get their food before starting to eat. I don't like to have food put in front of me while the cook disappears for ages.

I don't mind cooking but I hate dishing up, so I think our way is much like yours Aka, I sit at the table, he dishes up and puts my plate in front of me.

Now, if I could just get him to understand that the little plate on the worktop next to the hob is actually for putting the serving spoons on after they have been used, rather than putting them on the clean tea towel.............

Kiora, my DH does just the same. I've given up waiting for him! It's the same when I make him cups of tea. It can be stone cold before he drinks it or reheats it in the microwave.
Elegran, I love it!
My DH has finally learnt to cook - pork chops and chips in the halogen and frozen peas (not something I go for), however sometimes I just don't feel much like cooking so I just let him know and he cooks his own at a time good for him. I just carry on with my own thing.