Would it be Ok?

If you do find it - kick it further in!!!

Teetime I like your plan. Perfect.

Or pat your tummy and say ' yes, the baby is due in two months!' then whisper ' do you think anyone else has noticed?' then fall about laughing at her shocked face.

I would have to say, "Well it's perhaps as well I could lose weight if I wanted to, unlike unattractive people who can do nothing about how they look".

I like to think I would have asked her whether she was drunk, or just plain ignorant. What I would do now the moment has passed is treat her to a few glacial stares - from afar.

Stare hard at this woman ( who evidently has to bolster her self esteem by sizeism) then say, "Do you mind if I ask you a question. Do you think that banana flavoured Instant Whip tastes.... rather soapy?"
Another that has worked for me, apropos of absolutely nothing, and delivered in a put- on posh voice' "Evidently you're not familiar with Plato." Shuts them up every time. PS I know nothing about Plato.

This sort of situation always reminds me of Winston Churchill when he was taxed with being drunk at a party by a woman. His reply
" yes I am drunk but you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober".
I can always think of things afterwards. My best effort was when telephoned by those irritating Indian call centres..... He announced in an accent you could cut with a knife "my name is Adam" to which much to my own surprise I retorted "yes and i'm Eve". My kids have never let me forget.
Margaret

I would remind her of the French saying of 'face or figure', if she says it again. I got down to 8 stone eight years ago, saw a photo of myself and promptly put a couple of stones back on!

I like the Plato thing, Jaxie. I'll be using it, but will walk off smartly before I'm asked to explain!

My reply? "With me you get quantity as well as quality. With you, neither." That usually shuts them up.

'Do you practice being rude or does it come naturally',,, have used that many times since i moved to Brussels to deal with the stuck up office types.

Of course we think about these things afterwards but not many of us would say them as we are too polite and considerate to others.
One of my friends has a D who is very dippy, she has had her mother take her to A&E for the slightest itch or twitch. My D is also rotund and one day said friend said to me " is J still fat?"I opened my mouth to say " is A still stupid?"when I became the better person.

Pass your hands over your chest and say "My husband has always loved my breasts." That should do it.

Response.......We all do need a little weight to prevent looking scrawny.

Love responses of annesixty And. felice

A fellow golfing lady…

Clearly not a lady.

Begin a concerted revenge. Point out at various times "Did you know thinner women are more likely to develop osteoporosis?" "Us curvier women have less wrinkles than skinny ones (like you) we are so lucky." "Men like women with curves, don't they? Is your husband disappointed?" "It's so easy to look scrawny as you get older."
"Have you given up smoking? It really does cause wrinkles, doesn't it""
You could give her a kick as well of course.

As a rule of thumb slim people look better in clothes but fat people look better naked.
That's why fashion houses prefer slim models - because the clothes hang better on them.

I liked the put down used by the Dowager Countess on Downton this week, when she felt that someone was speaking out of turn, ..... "Did you have a drink with luncheon?"

Love it Cotswold I can feel myself channelling the Dowager Duchess at times. Elrel fat people look better naked - you haven't seen me and I'm only 'rotund' - horrible sight- DH seems to like it though- Beast!

When I was a young mum I had to go out to dinner with hubby's boss and his snooty wife. She asked what I did. I said I was a mum of two small children. She sighed and said "well we can always talk about cleaning and ironing then". I was mortified and couldn't think of a clever retort!

Dear Maggiemaybe, You don't have to worry about explaining Plato. If asked say "Waterstones stocks the idiot's guide to philosophy."

I loved the Churchill story where an American patted him on his tum and asked what he was going to call the baby.
Churchill took his cigar out of his mouth and said:

"If it's a boy I shall call him George, after our King. If it's a girl I shall call her Elizabeth, after our Queen and if, as I suspect, it's merely wind, I shall call it after you"

What a retort!

Put-downs are so irresistible - and they always come to us after the event! I love Gandhi's response to the question "What do you think about western civilisation?", said "I think it would be a good idea."

Thanks Cotswold I shall store that one away.

Rise above it!!!