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He's gone and i'm lost

(81 Posts)
Sheridan112 Sat 14-Nov-15 19:35:27

I'm doing what I do every Saturday, I'm counting the hours down until a particular time on a Saturday night. It's the time my partner died. It's been a some months now but I can't stop doing it. I can't get past the fact that he knew he was dying and could do nothing about it. He must have thought off these days when he would not be here and I am now living them. I have really tried to remember the wonderful times and there were so many years of them but I can't get past the months of watching him die and being bloody angry it. The family have been great, keeping me busy with grandchildren and the like but when asked how I am I can't keeping saying no, I'm lost and without him by my side life has lost sparkle.

grannypiper Fri 30-Sep-16 15:31:06

Sheridan, whatever you do is NORMAL, please remember that, Im sure it will get a bit easier every week, instead of dreading Saturdays, why dont you pour yourself a cuppa and sit down at "the time" and say hello our remember a moment of your life together, enjoy your tea and tell your DH "same time next week darling" and make it your moment.Will be thinking about you tomorrow and i will raise a cup of tea to you both.

Crafting Thu 29-Sep-16 20:38:03

sheridan and pam so very sorry for you both and all who are grieving ((huggs))

Barmyoldbat Thu 29-Sep-16 17:34:07

Sheridan and Ana, I am so sorry for your loss, I can't give any advice as I don't know how I would cope if it was me.

Penstemmon Thu 29-Sep-16 16:20:34

Sheridan please accept my condolences. You are quite understandably in the midst of huge grief. I hope that you find some support , maybe through CRUSE or other counselling, to help you manage you loss. it is dreadful to watch a deterioration of a loved one and OK to be sad and angry about what has happened. You will never 'get over' your loss and I think it is OK to say that to family. You will always miss him dreadfully but you know eventually the loss won't be as raw as it is now. Take care flowers

millymouge Thu 29-Sep-16 15:37:56

I am in tears sitting here and reading what some of you have gone through and how incredibly brave you are. I always pray that when the time comes DH goes before me because I couldn't bear to think of him being on his own, I know the children would look after him but it's just not the same. We will have been married for 52 years next month. I'm now going to give him a cuddle and tell him how incredibly lucky I am to have him. I send love to you all.

kazbar Thu 29-Sep-16 15:21:36

So sorry for you and everyone who has lost their sole mates. I lost my husband 22 months ago today. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but you do learn to live your life and adjust. There's no time limit on grief. It must have been so difficult for you watching him when he was ill, but it is early days yet and eventually your thoughts will turn to the life you spent and all the happy years. Much love

Synonymous Thu 29-Sep-16 13:07:58

flowers to all who are grieving. (((hugs)))

Nandalot Thu 29-Sep-16 12:56:54

Sheridan and Pam and everyone else who is grieving, feel for you all.

Stansgran Thu 29-Sep-16 12:23:53

flowers I mean

Stansgran Thu 29-Sep-16 12:23:17

Just read this Pam . So sorry for you as I have a friend who lost her DH at the beginning of the month.[Flowers] are not enough.

Jane10 Thu 29-Sep-16 08:47:10

Oh Pam what a shocking and sad time for you and your family. It'll be such a busy few weeks for you (judging by my own experiences) but please keep posting as time goes on and it all sinks in. flowers

numberplease Thu 29-Sep-16 01:56:02

So sorry, PamSJ1.

mumofmadboys Thu 29-Sep-16 00:20:44

Glad to hear you have a good support network nearby

PamSJ1 Thu 29-Sep-16 00:08:04

DH was in poor health but appeared stable on his meds. We are so grateful that we had a family break with our granddaughter a couple of weeks ago. He also managed to get to our Granddaughter's christening the day before we went away, only being released from hospital less than an hour before.

PamSJ1 Thu 29-Sep-16 00:02:39

Fortunately my daughter and her partner live with us and my son lives with his partner and our granddaughter on the same Avenue. We have a wonderful extended family. My MIL and his 3 brothers were with us as soon as they were told. My son's partner has 3 older children (17 year old twins and a 15 year old). The 17 year old girl is particularly distraught as she says my DH was like a grandad to her. I just wish I could do it say more to our son and daughter. We used to joke that DH was the most incredible Dad but a lousy husband. That's not true but it has been heartbreaking to see their reactions today. I don't know how my MIL can cope. She lost her eldest son to cancer at 51 a few years ago.

Eloethan Wed 28-Sep-16 23:36:58

PamSJ1 I am so sorry to hear of the unexpected death of your dear husband x

mumofmadboys Wed 28-Sep-16 23:13:36

I am very sorry PamSJ1. Do keep posting if it helps.x

morethan2 Wed 28-Sep-16 23:03:55

PamSJ1 I am so sorry, you must be in total shock. Is there anyone with you?

PamSJ1 Wed 28-Sep-16 22:42:19

Browsing myself as can't sleep. Totally heartbroken as my beloved husband passed away suddenly this morning at 51. Everything feels so unreal.

GrandmaMoira Wed 28-Sep-16 20:48:58

I've just seen this thread and must say sorry for your loss. It is still early, even now nearly one year after your original post. I'm a widow as well so do understand.

Cath9 Wed 28-Sep-16 14:51:29

I haven't read all the wonderful replies you have received,
but can be like the rest and understand how you must feel, as I have been a widow for two and half years now.
If I am correct, it seems he knew he was dying so you were able to have time to say goodbye, while this was not the case with myself, which I do miss so much. We were also living in a rented property while searching for our own property, which made matters very difficult as, along with the bereavement I had to find a property.
If you feel lonely, have you ever thought of this website:
communitynetworkprojects.org/

Luckygirl Wed 28-Sep-16 09:37:49

I too hope that you are coping Sheridan - I am sure that it is still painful, but hopefully there is some light in your life.

Jane10 Wed 28-Sep-16 09:31:39

Nice proverb ladybird9. I hope that the OP and you yourself are feeling even a little brighter.flowers

ladybird9 Wed 28-Sep-16 09:11:07

good morning Sheridan, I was just browsing messages etc.,
I thought that I would attempt to contact you as to how you have been coping with your loss. I too am a widow of 10 years and sorry to say but, cannot "move on" without him, although we have to ask ourselves, what is the alternative, so there are a lot of sad days and hopefully the happier days will improve, some of us cope better than others, however keep in touch with gransnet or whoever, helps you, keep occupied, maybe become a volunteer, it all helps at the end of the day.
I wish you a good day today and leave you with an old Arab Proverb " IF YOU HAVE HEALTH... YOU HAVE HOPE AND IF YOU HAVE HOPE YOU HAVE EVERYTHING" Hopefully Sheridan you have health. Best wishes xxx

ladybird9 Mon 01-Feb-16 14:00:09

Hello Sheridan Just browsing Gransnet and came across your message back in November,, silly, silly question but, how are you now, no doubt still suffering the hurt, I realise myself the hurt doesn't stop so I absolutely can empathise with you. Gransnet is a great way to off load your hurt, I feel it's almost similar to talking out your fears and feelings to a understanding friend ,I sincerely wish that one day you will come to terms with the loss, although here I am almost 9-years widowed and my hurt is still so raw. Please continue to log in, even just to off load. The spring is almost upon us, I love noticing the newness and 'come alive' of mother nature, wonderful time, just try to observe all that will happen in the springtime to our wonderful countryside, maybe walk with groups or if you have a dog, that too is a wonderful way to, just for a while, go out, feel good that you can see the trees, hear the birds and inhale the air, it does help, I promise even for a moment, it's a break from the sadness....... Please try it x