What would you have done?

I hate to see parents shouting/smacking/swearing at their children in public.If they behave like it in front of others,I have to wonder how they behave towards their offspring in the privacy of home.

I'm ashamed to say that I think I would avert my eyes. But talking about it like this has given me a bit of an idea. How about approaching the father and saying something like "I'm sorry, I can see you're busy, but can you tell me the way to the Post Office/change a five pound note for the parking meter..."

If it's a genuine father/daugher situation, it might defuse it, and if not, it might give you time to assess the child's situation.

I'm not sure standing there taking photos is a good idea. Would look rather odd.

Similar to you GrandTea, over Saltrum,two women jogging,one obviously had her small daughter with her who was too tired and didn't want to run anymore, I shouted to the mum to wait for her,I mean I really did shout because I was angry with her.Well I nearly ended up with my eye in a sling.

I'm familiar with the 'bystander effect' and I have to say that there have been several times I've intervened in situations. In every instance I have been thanked for my concern. On two of those occasions I was with friends who all said they would not have said anything - for fear of embarrassment.

Roses ITV broadcast a program last month which was based on Darley & Latane's research. See here.

I agree Granny 2016 with what you said, I would rather intervene and have to apologise afterwards than not say anything and read in the papers next day something had happened to the child,

Interesting stuff crun there was an awful case a few years ago, a teenaged boy was dragging a girl in a headlock down a road, a main road btw and this was observed by the occupants of a passing car( it was late at night) they were well known footballers in the car, and were disturbed,but decided it was a lovers tiff and they drove on.The next day the poor teenage girl was found beaten raped and strangled.The boy was known to her, but was not her boyfriend at all. The footballers felt terrible that they had not stopped and intervened ( which they damn well should have done!)

Always best to intervene.
Much better to eat humble pie and apologise,than risk ignoring a child in need.

I have been on the other end of this. My GS is autistic and, when younger, would sit down and refuse to move whenever he felt like it if he was overwhelmed with noise or strange place etc. This particular day he laid on the pavement by a busy road, screaming and kicking. A lady approached with a very concerned look on her face and asked if he was alright, which distracted him enough for me to get him up and continue on our way. I thanked her for her concern but she continued to follow and watch us for some time. I was perfectly happy for her to do that and felt reassured that there was at least one good soul willing to question the situation.

There was absolutely no way it would have been possible to talk to the child, it was a full blown tantrum & she wouldn't have responded, probably wouldn't have even been aware that she was being spoken to. I'm sure most of you have had experience of dramatic tantrums!
The problem was resolved when the other parent arrived & the exasperated father handed the child over! Did make me think though

The research into helping behaviour done by Darley and Latane in the 1960s might be of interest. Their work was done after an infamous incident in which the occupants of a tenement stood at their windows for half an hour, watching a woman being raped and murdered without calling the police.

It might sound bizarre, but their research showed that whilst the probability of any individual witness intervening to help is 85% if alone, this figure drops to just 31% when there are four or more others. It also showed that if no one acts within the first three minutes, it’s unlikely that anyone will. A major factor is the psychology of conformity: someone will leave a building they believe to be on fire if alone, but if there are others ignoring the danger they will ignore it too.

D&L identified five key stages involved in helping behaviour:

You must notice the incident.
You must interpret the incident as one where help is required.
You must assume personal responsibility.
You must decide what action to take.
You must act.

The second is undermined when you just perceive the incident as innocent behaviour.
The third is undermined when there is more than one witness.
The fourth: D&L found that their subjects were scared, sweaty, and trembling afterwards, and unable to give a coherent account of their actions. They had been paralysed by indecision, and were not just apathetic as had been assumed.

Subsequently, research by Arthur Beaman showed that people who have been educated in D&L’s five steps are twice as likely to help in an emergency as people who haven’t.

@GandTea , there's nothing about taking photographs in public that can get you in trouble. It's not illegal. Unlikely that most people would be quick enough, unless you had a phone in your hand already.
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We have had four incidences in our area of Surrey last week, of children being approached outside schools, one outside DGS & DGD's school, & one outside the school where my niece teaches, so I would definitely approach & ask if everything was OK.

Ask the child who the adult is. Of course, you could get the 'Ben in "Outnumbered" effect where the little rascal was yelling, "This is not my father" when it was.

Definitely approach and ask if all was ok. Would rather upset a father than live with the remorse of knowing I should have done something x

Well said rosesarered

Having worked with paedophiles I'm sure I'd feel concerned re rather heavy handed parenting in the park and may have taken the car number plate etc - but paedophiles tend to have good social skills and don't usually resort to this dangerously obvious strategy. As ajanela says, they would generally target and befriend single mothers, quickly becoming a favoured friend, in order to obtain access to the children in future.

Only once in 5 years did a paedophile I worked with seem odd/dodgy in any way. All the others would have been seen as ordinary friendly and straightforward men. without knowing their history they could have been anyone's 'helpful neighbour'.

I think if it was a paedophile he would not have dragged a screaming child away in full view of others, he would find an easier target. Think how many times you see a child screaming in the supermarket because they want sweets and the parent says no (before giving in).
Perhaps in such a situation you could pretend to know the child and go up to her and say something like "Hello Mary (use any name) where's mummy today?" The child will say I don't know you and you can say sorry you look just like another child - maybe ask if she has a sister or just continue the conversation in any way before saying goodbye, that way u get a good look at the man and he'll know it.

Like Ana I would of made it very obvious I was watching and taken down the reg had I been brave I might of asked the child if she were alright but these days goodness knows the reaction of the parents.

It's very hard to tell. I watched my children coming home from school. They stopped and spoke to a man. When they arrived I asked them why they had spoken to a strange man and they replied,'' oh he's not strange we see him every day.'' Taught me a lesson!

Not easy to say without being there on the day and pick up all the vibes. I would have tried to engage with the child in a friendly way as ajanela says- to give him/her a chance to speak- and made careful notes of the man's appearance and taken car number- and passed on to police- explaining the situtation and that it is just in case.

Taken the car reg number definitely. Maybe said something to the girl like "were you having a good time." To give her the chance to speak.

Paedophiles are not normally that obvious, they know how to lure children to come with them. They practice and groom children into friendships and shared secrets. They do not appear to be nasty people in fact the complete opposite, they are the helpful friend. They often target single women with children.

What a dilemma especially if you had children to look after in the play park too,you don't want to take your eyes off your own. I would like to think I would say something,better getting a mouthful of abuses back than letting a child be abducted. Luckily it doesn't happen very often.

The same as rosesarered - in fact I did just that in our town the other week. A small child was being pulled along by a man and screaming and crying 'I want my Mummy', so I followed them and then saw them meet up with a group of mums, dads and other children whereupon the child seemed happy. I did say to him - 'I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to make sure this was your child' and he seemed pleased that I was concerned.

I would have asked the man if it was his daughter, giving her the opportunity to speak up.If all was well, I would apologise, but say 'you can never be too careful'.