Friends

I don't have any friends in the real world. I never quite worked out how to make them

I would hope that friends will be there in the bad times as well as the good. I have had times in my life , as we all have, with friends who have been there whatever,and others who have very quickly dropped out when support is needed. I like to think that I have been the former. One couple in particular went up in the world financially and socially and it was amazing how quickly old ties were cut but others are worth their weight in rubies _ is that from the bible.?

Oh vampire - I a sorry to hear that. You are a good virtual friend so take credit for that.

I thought I did not have many friends till I became ill and so many people have shown their true worth as friends - it has been heartening and touching.

aw vampirequeen <hugs>

I have two sisters who I am very close to. I consider them my best friends. I have one or two friends and we meet up occasionally for lunch etc but I would never really share problems etc with them like I do with my sisters. My DH has no friends but he is very close to my sisters' husbands. I say to him occasionally 'do you wish we had more friends and got more invitations to stuff?' His answer is always the same 'I can't think of anything worse'.

Over the years I've realised that some friends were only friends because I had something in common with them at that moment in time; young mothers/workmates etc. The real friends are those that if you see them or speak to them only once every ten years it's as if you only spoke/saw them yesterday. I wouldn't worry about your friends being internet ones, vampire; during the few years that I've used the internet I find that friends I've made on the interent are as real and genuine as any in 'the real world'. In some cases, even more so. And the great thing about the internet is that you're not phoning people or knocking on their door when they're busy, so you don't feel a nuisance.

I am not sure annsixty.

Do we really look for things in friends? I find people become friendly, then one or two become firm friends. some of these are the sort as Tegan says you see rarely, and when you meet up, it is as if it was only yesterday that you saw them. It is strange that I happened upon this thread at this time, because I just put on a waistcoat I have had since the year dot, and I clearly remember buying it in Debenham when they opened a new department store in our town. My dear friend was staying with us for a few days, and we ransacked the place, looking for bargains. I have been smiling at memories for the past hour or two (poor old soul!). If you need a friend, be a friend

My two best friends were my bridesmaids.
They are, I would say above all, trustworthy. Our lives have taken different paths, but it hasnt mattered at all.

Other friends tend to be from shared interests partly. One friendship has turned into a deeper one than I was expecting so that has become a bonus.

I would say that I have only lost one friend who I thought was a deeper friend than she turned out to be. Our lives slightly seperated. But I think also she got a bit jealous of me. I could be wrong.
She slightly seperated from me I thought. So I have seperated that bit further. But now she seems to be coming back again, so we shall see. I miss her really, so I hope so.

PRINTMISS I smiled at your words of wisdom about being a friend if you'd like a friend - exactly what I used to tell the DC years ago. I count myself lucky in that I have 3 good friends of 40 years' standing and these are the ones I can count on as they can count on me.

I find that since retiring I have made new friends thanks to the various activities I am involved in. I must admit that I much prefer people who are upbeat and positive and tend to avoid the moaners. Naturally, some of those who are the most positive are those facing really tough challenges!

annsixty

Proverbs 31:10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies

I too have never had friends. I like my own company and that of family.

Thank you Elegran my wording was a bit off but the meaning was there.

Elegran the real question is 'how much did Ruby charge?'

I don't mind my own company...for a bit. I have a wonderful sister who I can share confidences with. But it's the knowing she's there for me that I appreciate the most. I have other close female relatives who's company I enjoy, but I live 200 miles away from them so they are not on my doorstep. I have one really close friend but we only seem to see each other in a crisis , thats only happened since our family's expanded with in-laws & G.C. I have about another 3-4 that I should pay more attention too but haven't the time. So I suppose that the qualities I value the most in my friends is being 'understanding' and tolerant of me

I have been to lunch today with six friends. We all met over twenty years ago when we worked together. We are all considerate in not 'hogging' the conversation and everyone has an equal say. Now that we are all retired holidays seem to be the main topic of conversation.

Another friend who was exceptionally kind to me when I got divorced now has Alzheimers and I am trying my best to be a good friend to her but it is not easy.

Many of my friends are very different from me in their interests and beliefs but I value them all very much and they make me feel valued too.

I think what makes a true friendship is the ability to strike the right balance between speaking and listening but also to understand the times when it is better to listen more and speak less. I feel more interesting, likeable and confident (and happier) in their company - and I hope they feel the same in mine.

I keep a homemade card pinned to my fridge, which I received a few years ago. On it is written "A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the loveliest things you can be".

I like that expression of friendship - open and simple.

Galen i was going to add that, but I didn't want to lower the tone.

Well there is always one

I don't actively look for qualities in other people - it doesn't take long to know whether I feel relaxed in someone's company and they are easy to talk to, and that to me is the most important thing. I couldn't be friends with someone who I was struggling to make conversation with.
Whether a friendship develops depends on several things - common interests, proximity etc.
Friendships that survive the tests of time and distance depend on how much both parties value that friendship.
I've just come back from a day's walking with one of my dearest friends, who I met on our first day at grammar school in 1960. Our friendship has survived going to different universities, me living in Hongkong for 11 years, her living in Canada for 10 years, different family situations (she has no children and I have 3) and we now live 50 miles apart, but we meet now we're both retired about once a month and don't stop talking all day

Liz46 I've got a lump in my throat over your last comment. My best friend of 26yrs may be seriuosly ill, and comments totally unconnected raise their head to drive it home to me that we might lose her. Since she came into my life I have gained an awful lot from her in more ways than I can quantify. These are for you

I have some good friends who I value very much. But, over the years I have been dropped by a couple of people who I considered good friends and who I helped when times were tough for them.

This has always puzzled me? I can only think that when they were on their 'ups' again that they were embarrassed that I had helped them?
Has this happened to others?

Gransnet is a daily chat with people who are like friends. x

In the first 25 years of our marriage we moved a lot (Army) but still have a few friends with whom, when we meet up, it seems is if we have never been apart.

When we settled in Kent we made many new friends, and once more, when we moved here, there are some we see often. You keep the friends who want you and whom you need, I think.

And here - same again, I feel, but mingling our friends with DD's circle and, of course, there is always Rotary..