How to deal with the devasting news ref a much loved grandchild

So very sorry, heart goes out to you all. Your daughter and family are coping as best they can, they will come to you when ready.

Just picked up this post Cath. What a distressing time for you all. Perhaps when your DD's family have begun to deal with the shock of this terrible news, you could gently remind them of how much you love your little granddaughter and how you would like to see her from time to time before you lose her forever. As others have said, her parents are struggling with their own grief now and probably Aren't even aware of how you might be feeling.

My thoughts to you and a ((hug)). Please keep in touch with us.

So so sorry to read your post. Truly heartfelt sympathy and wishing you all the strength to cope.

Cathmary I am so sorry I've not responded yet- because I just can't find the words to express how I feel. I just cannot even begin to imagine how you and the family must feel. My heart goes to you, your family and little grand-daughter XOX

Wise words Granny2016,
My heart goes out to you all Cathmary.

Their world is shattering and they need to be alone with their daughter for now.
Hopefully,you will be allowed time to hold your grand daughter,but meanwhile,look after yourself and rest when you can.
Very soon,your daughter is going to need all of the love and energy that you can muster.
I am so sorry for you all.

Thinking of you and your family at so difficult a time ?

I am so sorry to hear about your granddaughter - it's the worst possible news any parent can hear and like everyone else has said they will need time to digest the heartbreaking diagnosis. Not quite the same but my sister in law's daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer 18 months ago and they didn't tell anyone apart from us for some time as it was just so upsetting for them. The only way to help was just to be there to listen to my SIL when she needed to talk. Two weeks is not long at all to get their heads round this devastating news - or the rest of the family either. Your daughter will know you are there and will eventually need you and your support. You also need help to deal with everything you are going through - the prospect of losing a much loved grandchild is incomprehensible so I hope you have friends outside the family you can talk to when you feel you can't cope.

What terrible news for all the family, but especially the parents.What ever they want must come first ( even if later on they regret it.) Just keep in constant contact if you can.?

Anya ((( hugs))) for you too

My best wishes for you all too in this incredibly difficult time. So hard to see those you love suffering.

I am so sorry to hear about this dreadful news that you and you family are having to live with.

All I can suggest is that there will be charities and organisations that may be able to offer you emotional support at this terribly difficult time.

Take care

I'm so sorry to hear this, Cathmary. It is a parents' greatest fear, and a grandparents' too.

I think the previous posters are probably right when they say that your daughter and her husband are probably in shock at the moment, and are struggling to find a way to cope with such devastating news. Their needs and wants will probably change over time, and it is very probable that a time will come when they will need both practical and emotional help from you whilst nursing the little girl. My only experience of caring for a cancer patient involved an adult (my dad) but I know that, as the illness progressed, my mum and I were increasingly grateful for any help.

However, the realisation that things will probably change doesn't help you now with your feeling that you want to be there for them and to spent precious time with your granddaughter. It's perfectly understandable and I think all you can do is to do what you can in practical terms, such as helping with the other children if possible, and also to allow yourself to grieve. Grief doesn't start when someone has passed away, it begins when you know that are going to lose them, and you need to let yourself acknowledge those feelings. I hope you have people around you who can support you and comfort you.

Once again, I am so sad for your situation.

Cathmary, so sorry to hear about your grandchild. I know it is very difficult for you but I can understand your DD not wanting others to visit at this time.
I had a shock diagnosis of cancer and I would not see anyone in the first week and would not speak to anyone on the telephone. You have to take the time to get everything in perspective and organise your thoughts before you can deal with the upset that the family will be feeling.
I believe that your DD will come to you when she has come to terms with this devastating news

cathmary my thoughts are with you and your family

cathmary I am so sorry for you all in this terrible situation.

I can only agree with all the others. Take care, what a shock. There will come a time when they can cope with the family, at present they must be in deep shock.

Thank you for your loving kind words..I know we have a long , long way to go, but we must never give up hope.. and I will be there for them 24/7 !

Sadly, I am able to speak with some understanding on this subject. Your daughter and SiL are reeling with the shock of this diagnosis. They are trying to cope with their own feelings and are unable to handle those of others. You too are devastated. But you have to 'be strong' for them, now and for a long, long time to come.

Tell them you understand. Tell them you are there for them in any way they need you to be. Tell them you love them vey much. Tell them you will respect their wishes.

I'm in tears writing this as it brings back so many sad, sad memories. My heart goes out to you and to your family (((hugs)))

Lillie has said what I was going to say.

I'm so sorry

That's so very sad. I'm sure they know you are there and ready to give them support when they need it. It must be devastating for you.

Cathmary

I'm so very sorry to read about your granddaughter - such a thing is always shocking, but in a much loved child it's heartbreaking and I really feel for you. Others have said probably all there is to say, but I would just urge you to get whatever support you need to help you through this time.

I'm going to say however that I don't think it's unreasonable, in a few weeks time, to ask if you can please visit, as you have always done, to spend some time with your granddaughter.

cathmary so sorry for all that your entire family are having to cope with at the moment. When things are so raw the natural reaction is to withdraw and comfort each other and clearly it is all that your DD and DSIL can manage at the moment, to just be there for each other.

Just a thought you might consider which may even help you a little if you were able to do something similar for your DD and her little family. When I was not well and really not able for visitors I received a small parcel in the post from a friend with various small items inside. Some useful odds and ends, something to read, to listen to and to eat. There was nothing of any great moment on it's own but she had put some real thought into it and it was a lovely thing to have received and it made me smile. In a funny way it made me feel not so alone. Probably all your DGC will appreciate a little something just for them as will their parents so long as it is small and not OTT.

Look after yourself and the rest of the family and just be ready to help with a very light touch when required by your DD and her little family. & ((hugs))

Cathmary that is dreadful news for you all. All I can do is to send virtual (((hugs))) your way. I think other's on here are right. Let the family come to grips with this themselves and be there for them.

I am so sorry to hear such heartbreaking news, I think perhaps they are still reeling from the horror, just as you probably are. This shutting themselves away isn't a rejection it's perhaps their need to gather their strength in order to cope with the coming months and deal with the inevitable upset and heartbreak of the wider family. I've no advice on how you can deal with this, I wish I did. All you can do is wait for your daughter to call and I'm sure she will and then each of you can hold on tight and ride this awful awful storm together. I know your husband and son are right but I hope they understand your pain and that you three can love and support each other. You must feel as if your heart is being wrenched out of your chest. I hope you find a little relief writing it down on here and perhaps from knowing that people care and those with much better insight than me can offer advice and comfort. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts