STROKE VICTIMS WIFE

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I went into Durham, and Jack Foley sang this in the market place.
There was another woman my age standing there next to me, and both of us had tears rolling down our faces for at least a quarter of an hour listening to him.

Three years ago I conducted a choir of over 200 singers singing this song in front of an audience of 1000 - it went down a storm!

All together now (thanks durhamjen) let`s go

"You raise me up"?

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A0LEVvK9Z_9UpywA4BglnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTB0b2ZrZmU3BHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2JmMQR2dGlkA1lIUzAwMl8x?p=jack+foley+you+raise+me+up&tnr=21&vid=D4027ABBB348672B105FD4027ABBB348672B105F&l=291&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DUN.608048145612211764%26pid%3D15.1&sigi=11ro6861e&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D31R4CzKcxFs&sigr=11brvrmva&tt=b&tit=You+Raise+Me+Up&sigt=10fndcrvg&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3Djack%2Bfoley%2Byou%2Braise%2Bme%2Bup%26hsimp%3Dyhs-002%26hspart%3Dmozilla%26ei%3DUTF-8&sigb=136fhrpvo&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-002

That's what happens when I do youtube.

So agree sparkygran. GN has filled a great void for me too as you know. and hugs back to all the lovely people in the ether.

I have to ask myself the ? what did I ever do without GNet????? There`s a song which has a line that goes something like "you life me up" and that`s what I`m saying to ya`all. Thanks for all the [hugs] they are so much appreciated.

I expect when people say your DH is looking well it's one of those stock phrases that people use when they don't know what to say. I struggle to find things to say to my SIL who is coping with my brothers dementia. Saying it's b****y awful and I don't know how you cope doesn't seem to be uplifting but perhaps would be a better thing to say. Most of us just don't know the right words. When my DH has his strokes other people were trying to be positive for me but unless you've been there yourself it's hard to imagine what others are going through.

to all you wonderful ladies and a big (hug) for anyone who needs it.

Huge respect to you sparky for your courage and determination over the last year plus since your husband has had his stroke. The posts on here show how strong you have been in helping to get him better and conquering every obstacle thrown at you. You are brilliant, someone to look up to and admire. Well done and I hope that you both go from strength to strength in his recovery.

Love to you all, brave, strong women. Xx

All I can say is that we must be doing a great job ladies. Like the analogy of the swan, all serene above and paddling like mad where nobody sees.
to us all. Xx

Oh ann - I know this scenario. My OH is really doing very well with his PD for which we are both grateful. But people looking in from the outside who say how well he is (and in many ways they are right) do not know the whole raft of hidden problems that we grapple with. None of these are, I am sure, on a par with the problems that you are facing, but I truly do understand how difficult it is when the public face is different from what goes on behind closed doors.

I hope you are getting all the help you need.

That's far from unusual for many carers annsixty, and it's so hard. Life isn't 'normal' and you almost have to adopt a different 'coping' face for friends and public life.
It's a roller coaster and how you're feeling is absolutely normal, so don't feel guilty x

Thanks to those of you who understand. I guess you have had experiences of your own which gives you an insight. My main problem is that my DH is ok for 25% of the time and then I doubt myself,people call and say "oh R is really well" but they don't see the other times and I feel guilty for my own thoughts and then he has whole days of not understanding anything,anxiety and quite frankly paranoia. Well that is my unloading for tonight, I don't do it very often.

Big hugs are very definitely winging their way to both of you. It is a non-stop responsibility and that is what makes it so hard - it is done willingly but we are all only human and are allowed to have moments when we rail against the hand that we have been dealt. A good grumble sometimes helps to relieve the pressure building up and prevents a valve from blowing - how good that you are able to come on here and let off steam.

It is relentless, and not what you would have planned. Hope you can both find a moment to take care of yourself - nice soaky bath while OH asleep?

There is help out there if you need some respite - deciding when it is the right moment to ask for this is a hard one.

Well done for your perseverance.

Something else our mothers never warned us about I suspect *!
I echo what Lona posted, to you too annsixty
to all GNs who are carers for a loved-one, x

Should have checked my spelling and grammar too much that`s what I`m pleading

OMG merlotgran it was finger nails that need trimming and nose haie - can anyone tell me why do men produce so much nose hair???? Thank you all for your support it really makes a difference to you all

Have one of these, sparky

I had a moment like yours yesterday when DH declared his toenails needed cutting.

I always have to drop everything.

And a huge (((hug))) from me too!

Here's a big (((hug))) and some for you sparky and annsixty It must be very hard for you most of the time, and even worse when you don't feel strong.

Here's my big hug for you and some and

I'm there with you sparky I have to do everything even when I'm feeling under the weather as I have for a few days now. I try to keep a smile on for everyone but at times it is so hard and I want to sit and howl. Like you I will never get my life back and at times it is hard to be positive when you know things will never get better,only worse. I have tried to look back on the good times but mostly can only see the here and now. for you.

A whopping great hug winging it's way to you Sparkygran, moan just as much as you like.
Life after a stroke, even years later, IMO is tougher on the partner than anyone can imagine and frequently it's the smaller, less significant things that tip the balance. It's an ongoing grief and loss process that pops it's head up now and again. Doing it all inevitably grinds you down and sometimes you cope, other times it floors you.
I certainly can't think of ANYONE who would judge you, so don't beat yourself up.
Take care, x