When there's a relationship problem that results in a son severing all contact with his parents and his entire family, even if that begun with his wife's behaviour, it ceases to be an issue just between the m.i.l. and d.i.l. He then becomes a major factor, perhaps starting off by enabling his wife to behave in a particular way by not challenging her. Over a period of time when his role as enabler isn't enough he then proceeds to become as active in the destruction of those relationships as she is.
This is Gransnet and while we do get male contributions from time to time the majority of posters by definition are women, mothers, mothers in law and grandmothers. I haven't seen many posts that would suggest to me that fathers in law are a more tolerant bunch, and there are two regular posters on the estrangement thread whose problems do appear to have been instigated by sons in law.
You said ajanela "These people have friends and family who like and love them. They manage to get with other people in the world. Why don't they get on with us and we with them?" Well our d.i.l. finds it almost impossible to sustain relationships, even with her own family.
They married abroad with only myself and Mr. S. present as she'd all but cut them out of her life. At the age of 18 months, her mother, our GS's only active grandmother was cut out of their lives for 18 months, contacting only being resumed 3 months after the second child was born.
"I believe the men are weak! Bossy women take over. It is a very strange world when daughters in law become very jealous of their mother in law. It is all very sad" Yes, that just about sums up our situation Royandsyl.
Hard to believe isn't it, that a d.i.l. could be so envious of her husband's relationship with his own mother that she'll do whatever it takes to destroy it and that it can happen with sons in law too, but it does. And when extended family members and long standing friends, including some of theirs also see where the problem began there can be no doubt where the responsibility lies.
a very destructive thing.