Family won't have anything to do with my husband

I understand your feelings towards your husband and your marriage and to continue or not is your decision. The feelings engendered by your daughter and brother stem, I suspect, from their love for you, they don’t want to see you hurt or unhappy any longer as they’ve possibly lost their trust in your husband. Your husband has work to do to foster their trust.
It’s not going to be a quick fix is it. I wish you the best of luck.

Sorry you're going through this. As hard as it is I'd not focus on how many years you've been with your husband. I would be looking at your future. If you can trust him, what you can work on that made you both unhappy and your gut feeling of if trying again is really what you want. I wish you good luck and please let us know how you get on.

Actions have consequences.

Your husband needs to deal with the strained relationships that are a direct result of his choices and behaviour. It’s not and shouldn’t be on you to protect him from that. He needs to work to repair what he broke.

You have to do what you think/know is right.
Your DH has apologised sincerely.
The other family members should respect your, and that, decision.

I think you need some space away from your husband to work out what you really want going forward. He seems to be calling the tune, and you’re being buffeted around by him and your protective family. Could you take at least a week away on your own to really get your head straight?

fancythat

You have to do what you think/know is right.
Your DH has apologised sincerely.
The other family members should respect your, and that, decision.

From what you've written it would seem that your husband flirted with someone,but didn't actually have an affair. It seems rather extreme to be so upset by that after such a long marriage. There must surely be other reasons why you have both considered ending the marriage. Why does your daughter not like her father.. why would your family not support you both after knowing your husband for such a long time... only you know whether you can trust your husband's sincere apology and move forward..

You've posted this on Mumsnet too and had quite a number of replies. What are you looking for here? If you shared your unhappiness with your family, then they're not going to have the same relationship with your husband as before. Nearly everyone seems to have the same opinion about your husband but you are still flogging a dead horse. It definitely looks like he's had legal advice and realised what he'll have to concede to you.

Obviously the op feels betrayed by her DH,s "flirtation".It was
possibly an emotional affair. As for the extended family,if the op and her DH are committed to making their marriage work it has little or nothing to do with them.

he's probably realised that he would lose out financially, and have to do his own housekeeping.
so, he's re-considered, dressed up as a sincere apology.
your family probably saw through him years ago, and were only waiting and hoping for you to do so too.
now you've disappointed them.
theri supportive energy went towards you, now they've got to reign it in again.
which is exhausting. and annoying.

How did he apologize, what words did he use?

This 180 on his end is so highly suspicious

Team family for now

If he keeps his nose clean, things will probably become more civil, but I don't suppose everything can go back to normal any time soon. Try not to let it spoil your life, find things you can enjoy just for yourself.

I'm afraid I agree with previous posters. Your husband is only "sincerely sorry" because he realises that starting again at his age is going to be a mess.

The house will be sold, assets divided and he will be facing a much lonelier and financially poorer old age than he cares to contemplate. Did you know you would also be entitled to half his occupational pension if he has one.

He's not worried about throwing away 31 years of marriage, he's worried about throwing away all the comforts and financial stability that go with it. He may even have sought advice and what he heard shook him rigid.

I actually suspect your family have never really liked him. Whilst I can completely understand your own fear at starting again after such a long marriage, I do think you should take a step back and put your own future first. You could spend the next five years trying to make it work only to be back to square one.

Once trust is broken it’s hard almost impossible to mend. Even if this flirtation went no further it’s still a serious betrayal and I wonder if his turnaround is related to him finding out the financial cost to him and his life of divorce. Or
Yes 31 years is a long time but if you are in your 50svor 60 s you still have a long life ahead. Think hard and don’t be rushed.

I realise it may be difficult but would a short separation be possible? The only way you will know how you both feel without each other is to do this. I speak from experience and can assure you that you can mend broken relationships and they can be stronger.

I hope you don't look back at 50 yrs of marriage and wish you had got rid of this selfish individual before.
He is only considering his own life from what you have said, no consideration for you, thinks he can just say "sorry" and he's got you on the hook again.
When he said he was going to leave probably hadn't considered the cost to him in moving out selling your home and all the costs associated with that. The cost of renting accommodation etc etc.
If you are only in your 50s-60s you have a good many years ahead of you and could have a happy life and maybe meet someone else who will bring you happiness in your later years.
Best of Luck

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Reported the above post.

What!!! GN is this allowed???

Thanks Oops
I think it’s very difficult once you confided all your husbands faults to your family for them to unhear them
I don’t agree with the other posters he may well have spoken in the heat of the moment and the flirtation was two years ago and obviously you got past that I think it’s worth a try but let him know that you ll never take any other abuse from him and you won’t hesitate to be out if anything ever happens again
and stick to it
I m curious why doesn’t your daughter like her Dad ?
Good luck

My sister in law's husband walked out on her when she was pregnant with their first child .
She nearly had a miscarriage .
He returned .
And then , he did it again after the birth of their second child .
He claimed that some members of her family were hostile towards him .
That wasn't actually true .
I imagine that your family is deeply upset by his treatment of you and concerned that it might happen again .
It's entirely up to you to accept him back -hopefully with counselling .
And eventually things will resolve with your family .
Wishing you good luck with this .

So your husband had a flirtation/fling 2 years ago and since then you have both been working on things...apparently. The fact that he has now come out and said he is unhappy again makes me think he hasn't really been properly committed to putting the relationship right this last 2 years.....and now to suddenly backtrack again and say he didn't mean it make me think he is an unreliable flake!

Your have a lovely family and supportive children who care about your wellbeing, but the decision to stay with your husband is all yours, think carefully.

It’s between the two of you, if you can get back on track again your family will eventually come round. It sounds a if things were shaky for some time and perhaps now you both know what you would be losing. Do you still love each other. Pity you told your brother everything whilst hurt and upset, because naturally he takes your side, in reality no one can judge, there’s two sides to everything and you have to look at the reasons behind this distancing.