Sex and relationships in later life: the data

We recently teamed up with Relate to explore the secrets of good long-term relationships, and give a true picture of sex and love in later years. From trust to laughter, to a good imagination, we spill the beans on gransnetters' secrets to a happy relationship.

See the full results of the survey below, and a summary here.

Gransnet relationships survey 25 Jan-8 Feb 16/ 634 respondents.

1. What is your relationship status?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
Single and intending to stay that way	8%	53
Single but actively looking to meet a new partner	4%	25
Married (first marriage)	45%	286
Married (second or subsequent marriage)	22%	141
In a short-term or new (under one year) unmarried relationship	1%	8
In a long-term unmarried relationship (over one year)	12%	75
Other (please specify)	7%	44
Not stated	0%	2
	Answered question	634
	Skipped question	0

2. How long have you been in your current relationship?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count		Response percent	Response count
Under 5 years	4%	25		4%	25
5-10 years	4%	24		4%	24
11-15 years	8%	48		9%	48
16-20 years	8%	48		9%	48
21-25 years	7%	46		8%	46
26-30 years	5%	33		6%	33
31-35 years	7%	46		8%	46
36-40 years	10%	66		12%	66
41-45 years	16%	99		18%	99
46-50 years	10%	62		11%	62
50+ years	6%	39		7%	39
NA: Not in a relationship now	15%	97
Not stated	0%	1		Average	32
		answered question	634		536
		skipped question	0		0

3. When it comes to making a relationship last over the long term, how important do you find each of the following factors?

Answer options	Very important	Quite important	Neither important nor unimportant	Not very important	Not at all important	Don't know/not sure/notstated	Response count	Net important	Net not inportant
Love	71%	24%	3%	0%	1%	2%	634	95%	1%
Trust	90%	8%	1%	0%	0%	1%	634	98%	0%
Mutual support	80%	17%	1%	0%	0%	2%	634	97%	0%
Kindness	79%	18%	1%	0%	0%	1%	634	97%	0%
Generosity	39%	47%	11%	1%	0%	2%	634	86%	2%
Good communication	78%	19%	0%	0%	0%	2%	634	97%	0%
Open minded-ness	34%	46%	17%	1%	1%	2%	634	80%	2%
Fidelity	79%	15%	4%	1%	0%	1%	634	94%	1%
Having an open relationship, with other partners	3%	3%	9%	5%	64%	16%	634	6%	85%*
Humour	64%	31%	4%	0%	0%	1%	634	95%	0%
Friendship/companionship	80%	17%	1%	0%	0%	1%	634	97%	0%
Sex	16%	49%	22%	7%	3%	3%	634	65%	11%
Similar backgrounds	11%	43%	32%	8%	3%	2%	634	54%	11%
Similar ages	8%	35%	35%	13%	6%	2%	634	43%	19%
Similar view on important things (eg parenting styles, ethics, political views etc.)	30%	53%	14%	2%	0%	1%	634	83%	2%
						Answered question	634		*includes DK
						Skipped question	0

4. How often do you have sex (however you define it!) with your partner?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count		Response percent	Response count
Daily	1%	7		2%	7
Twice a week or more	6%	38		8%	38
Around once a week	16%	102		23%	102
Around twice a month	13%	80		18%	80
Around once a month	6%	37		8%	37
Every couple of months	6%	35		8%	35
Once every six months or thereabouts	3%	16		4%	16
Once or twice a year	1%	5		1%	5
Almost never	4%	28		6%	28
Never - but I wish we did	7%	44		10%	44
Never - and I'm happy with that	9%	59		13%	59
N/A: don't have a partner these days	15%	92
Rather not say	8%	53
Other (please specify)	6%	38
		answered question	634		451
		skipped question	0		0

5. Sex and intimacy can wax and wane over the course of a relationship. If you are in a long term relationship, please tell us how far each of the following statements applies (or doesn't apply) to you and your relationship?

							Based on all answering
Answer options	Strongly agree	Tend to agree	Neither agree nor disagree	Tend to disagree	Strongly disagree	All answering	Net agree	Net disagree
We had more sex once our children had grown up and left home	9%	26%	28%	24%	13%	379	35%	37%
We have more sex now that we’re retired than we did when one or both of us worked	5%	12%	22%	26%	36%	400	17%	62%
The sex we have has improved over the course of our relationship	11%	29%	27%	21%	12%	474	40%	33%
Looking back, the period when we had small children was the most difficult for our sex lives	10%	25%	23%	27%	15%	385	35%	42%
Truth be told, sex between us has got quite boring	6%	24%	22%	24%	24%	453	30%	48%
Over the course of our relationship, we’ve gone through lots of ‘dry spells’ and lots of times when we can’t keep our hands off each other	9%	31%	25%	23%	12%	480	40%	34%
I find monogamy quite difficult in the long term	2%	6%	8%	18%	65%	490	9%	83%
Our sex life has been consistent throughout our relationship	7%	26%	14%	33%	20%	490	33%	53%

6. Can you tell us how far you agree or disagree with the following statements?

Answer Options	Strongly agree	Tend to agree	Neither agree nor disagree	Tend to disagree	Strongly disagree	All answering	Net agree	Net disagree
My sex life is more satisfying now than it was when I was younger	9%	18%	23%	22%	28%	497	27%	50%
People don't like to think about older people having sex - I feel I have to keep quiet about it with family and friends	12%	40%	28%	14%	6%	545	52%	20%
I'd be reluctant to talk to my GP about physical symptoms that affected my sex life	10%	28%	16%	24%	22%	567	37%	47%
Menopausal symptoms had a big negative impact on my sex life	15%	28%	17%	21%	18%	563	44%	39%
I'm not bothered about sex - it's just not a big factor for me	13%	28%	17%	23%	18%	578	41%	41%

7. To what extent do you think each of the following factors contributes to good sex in a long-term relationship?

								Based on all answering
Answer options	Contributes a lot to a good sex life	Contributes a bit to a good sex life	Doesn’t contribute much to a good sex life	Doesn't contribute at all to a good sex life	Don't know	Rather not say/not stated	Response count	Contributes a lot to a good sex life	Contributes a bit to a good sex life	Doesn’t contribute much to a good sex life	Doesn't contribute at all to a good sex life	Base
Communication	60%	28%	3%	1%	2%	6%	634	65%	31%	3%	1%	586
Being comfortable with your body	53%	36%	4%	1%	2%	4%	634	56%	38%	4%	2%	592
Humour	48%	38%	6%	1%	3%	4%	634	52%	40%	7%	1%	590
Love/affection	74%	17%	1%	1%	2%	6%	634	80%	18%	1%	1%	584
Time spent together	39%	41%	10%	2%	3%	4%	634	43%	44%	11%	2%	582
Lots of time apart and separate interests	6%	30%	29%	17%	13%	5%	634	8%	36%	35%	21%	518
Sex toys	3%	23%	20%	17%	29%	7%	634	5%	37%	32%	26%	405
Products to assist comfort/enjoyment during sex (eg lubricant/Viagra etc)	15%	34%	15%	9%	22%	5%	634	20%	46%	21%	13%	464
Sharing fantasies	6%	25%	25%	16%	22%	6%	634	9%	34%	35%	22%	458
Having an open relationship (ie sex with other people, with your partner's knowledge and consent)	1%	1%	5%	66%	22%	6%	634	1%	2%	6%	91%	459
Remaining attracted to your partner	59%	31%	3%	0%	2%	5%	634	63%	33%	3%	0%	588
A good imagination	21%	42%	16%	6%	8%	6%	634	25%	49%	19%	7%	540
						Answered question	634
						Skipped question	0

8. Has your relationship improved, got worse or stayed the same since retirement/children leaving home?

Answer Options	Response Percent	Response Count
Improved	25%	158
Declined/got worse	16%	101
Stayed the same	27%	171
N/A: not been in the same relationship	20%	125
N/A: not retired/children still at home	10%	61
Don't know/not stated	3%	18
	answered question	634
	skipped question	0

8. Has your relationship improved, got worse or stayed the same since retirement/children leaving home? Base: all answering

Answer Options	Response Percent	Response Count
Improved	37%	158
Declined/got worse	23%	101
Stayed the same	40%	171
	answered question	430
	skipped question	0

9. If your relationship has improved since the children left home/ retirement: which of the following has contributed to your relationship improving? Please tick all that apply. Base: all whose relationship has improved since the children left home/retirement

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
More time together	67%	106
Less stress	70%	111
More time to spend on shared hobbies	30%	47
Deep understanding of each other	45%	71
Fewer arguments	43%	68
Better communication	48%	76
Less financial worry	57%	90
I have mellowed with time	22%	34
My partner has mellowed with time	18%	29
We have both mellowed with time	61%	96
Fewer body hang-ups	30%	48
Other (please specify)	3%	5
	answered question	158
	skipped question	0

10. If you found love in later life (after the age of 55), how did that come about? Base: all who found love in later life

Answer Options	Response Percent	Response Count
Meeting through family/friends	10%	12
Set up by family/friends	6%	7
Internet dating sites	34%	40
Hobbies	8%	9
Community groups	8%	10
In a bar/club/at a party or social gathering	9%	11
A chance meeting (eg on the street)	8%	10
Due to death of previous partner	14%	17
Due to divorce/separation	23%	27
Other (please specify)	13%	15
	answered question	119
	skipped question	0

11. If you were/are single and aged 55+, which do you think are or would be the main barriers in finding love in later life?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
Knowing where to meet potential partners	32%	203
Body confidence	23%	144
Not wanting to relinquish independence/own space	32%	201
Adjusting to a new person’s habits	32%	200
Dealing with your new partner’s family members	17%	106
Men of a similar age might want to be with younger women	20%	127
Everyone same age already has a partner	12%	79
Fear of new relationships	14%	90
Concerns about internet dating	14%	90
Concerns about sex with someone new	22%	140
Other (please specify)	7%	44
Not stated	43%	271
	answered question
	skipped question

12. How old are you?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
Under 35	0%	0
36-40	0%	0
41-45	0%	0
46-50	0%	0
51-55	7%	46
56-60	23%	146
61-65	30%	189
66-70	28%	180
71-75	9%	56
76-80	1%	9
81-85	1%	7
86-90	0%	0
91+	0%	1
	answered question	634
	skipped question	0

13. Are you female or male?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
Female	95%	604
Male	5%	29
Other	0%	2
	answered question	634
	skipped question	0

14. Where do you live (at present)?

Answer Options	Response Percent	Response Count
North East	5%	29
North West	12%	77
Yorkshire & The Humber	8%	50
East Midlands	7%	43
West Midlands	7%	43
East of England	9%	55
London	7%	46
South East	19%	121
South West	14%	89
Wales	4%	23
Scotland	6%	41
Northern Ireland	1%	5
Isle of Man	0%	2
Channel Islands	0%	1
Republic of Ireland	0%	2
Not stated	1%	7
	answered question	634
	skipped question	0

15. How many children do you have (of any age)?

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
None	4%	28
One	9%	59
Two	47%	298
Three	25%	161
Four	9%	58
Five	3%	18
Six	1%	7
Seven	0%	2
Eight	0%	2
Nine or more	0%	1
	answered question	634
	skipped question	0

16. How many grandchildren do you have (of any age)?

Answer Options	Response Percent	Response Count
None - SKIP NEXT QUESTION	13%	85
One	14%	86
Two	18%	117
Three	16%	103
Four	14%	91
Five	8%	51
Six	5%	33
Seven	3%	22
Eight	3%	17
Nine or more	5%	29
	answered question	634
	skipped question	0

17. How old are your grandchildren? Tick all that apply

Answer options	Response percent	Response count
Up to 6 months	11%	61
From 6 up to 12 months	10%	56
1	18%	102
2	26%	141
3	22%	124
4	26%	142
5	23%	126
6	22%	120
7	20%	111
8	17%	93
9	16%	86
10	15%	82
11	13%	71
12	13%	70
13	9%	51
14	10%	54
15	9%	48
16	9%	51
17	6%	32
18	5%	28
Over 18	17%	96
	answered question
	skipped question

Sex and relationships in later life: the data

Latest

Stay in touch with Gransnet

Style and beauty