The Gransnet-Relate relationships survey: the results

Gransnet teamed up with Relate to explore romantic relationships after bereavement, divorce or separation. From moving on after bereavement to what ther children think about new relationships, here's what gransnetters had to say.

 

Q1. 

Men seem to move on more quickly than women to new relationships after bereavement:
Net agree	56%
Net disagree	12%
Strongly agree	14%
Agree	43%
Neither agree nor disagree	23%
Disagree	10%
Strongly disagree	2%
Don't know/N/A	8%

 

Men seem to move on more quickly than women to new relationships after separation or divorce:
Net agree	67%
Net disagree	10%
Strongly agree	21%
Agree	47%
Neither agree nor disagree	19%
Disagree	8%
Strongly disagree	2%
Don't know/N/A	4%

 

Newly single older men are less able or willing to live independently for long periods than newly single older women:
Net agree	69%
Net disagree	10%
Strongly agree	18%
Agree	51%
Neither agree nor disagree	15%
Disagree	8%
Strongly disagree	2%
Don't know/N/A	5%

 

It's easier for newly single older men to find new partners than it is for newly single older women:
Net agree	62%
Net disagree	12%
Strongly agree	17%
Agree	45%
Neither agree nor disagree	21%
Disagree	9%
Strongly disagree	3%
Don't know/N/A	6%

 

Single men of my age only seem to be interested in younger women:
Net agree	54%
Net disagree	15%
Strongly agree	14%
Agree	40%
Neither agree nor disagree	24%
Disagree	11%
Strongly disagree	4%
Don't know/N/A	7%

 

Newly single older women seem to be fussier about their choice of new partner than newly single older men:
Net agree	61%
Net disagree	10%
Strongly agree	17%
Agree	44%
Neither agree nor disagree	21%
Disagree	8%
Strongly disagree	2%
Don't know/N/A	8%

 

Newly single older men seem to be more likely to prioritise the importance of an active sex life than newly single older women:
Net agree	50%
Net disagree	11%
Strongly agree	11%
Agree	39%
Neither agree nor disagree	28%
Disagree	8%
Strongly disagree	3%
Don't know/N/A	12%

 

After bereavement within a long-term marriage or relationship, the surviving spouse shouldn't make any life-changing decisions for at least two years:
Net agree	51%
Net disagree	19%
Strongly agree	18%
Agree	34%
Neither agree nor disagree	26%
Disagree	15%
Strongly disagree	4%
Don't know/N/A	4%

  

Newly single older women are less able or willing to live independently for long periods than newly single older men:
Net agree	7%
Net disagree	72%
Strongly agree	1%
Agree	5%
Neither agree nor disagree	15%
Disagree	41%
Strongly disagree	31%
Don't know/N/A	6%

 

Newly single older women seem to be more likely to prioritise the importance of an active sex life than newly single older men:
Net agree	7%
Net disagree	43%
Strongly agree	1%
Agree	5%
Neither agree nor disagree	39%
Disagree	33%
Strongly disagree	10%
Don't know/N/A	12%

 

Q2. If you have a partner, please say whether you have ever had a discussion about the following...

 

About the appropriateness of starting a new relationship if one of us was to become seriously unwell:
Yes, we have	12%
No, we haven't	59%
Don't know/ N/A	29%

 

About how we'd feel about starting a new relationship while the other partner was very unwell:
Yes, we have	7%
No, we haven't	64%
Don't know/ N/A	28%

 

About whether there's a specific person that I would 'approve' / 'disapprove' of for my partner or vice versa, should one of us become seriously unwell:
Yes, we have	2%
No, we haven't	68%
Don't know/ N/A	30%

 

About whether there's a specific person that I would 'approve' / 'disapprove' of for my partner or vice versa, should one of us die:
Yes, we have	4%
No, we haven't	67%
Don't know/ N/A	30%

 

About starting new relationships should either of us die:
Yes, we have	29%
No, we haven't	41%
Don't know/ N/A	30%

 

How long a wait you or your partner feel would be reasonable before you moved on romantically:
Yes, we have	9%
No, we haven't	60%
Don't know/ N/A	31%

 

Q3. Approximately how soon after divorce, separation or the death of a partner do you think it is appropriate to start a new romantic relationship?

After divorce:
Before end of relationship/before death	2%
Immediately - 1 month	9%
1 - 3 months	6%
3 - 6 months	11%
6 months - 1 year	24%
1 - 2 years	22%
2 - 3 years	6%
3 - 5 years	1%
More than 5 years	0%
Never	1%
Don't know/ N/A	19%

 

After separation:
Before end of relationship/before death	2%
Immediately - 1 month	6%
1 - 3 months	7%
3 - 6 months	11%
6 months - 1 year	25%
1 - 2 years	21%
2 - 3 years	6%
3 - 5 years	1%
More than 5 years	0%
Never	1%
Don't know/ N/A	21%

 

After partner's death:
Before end of relationship/before death	0%
Immediately - 1 month	1%
1 - 3 months	1%
3 - 6 months	3%
6 months - 1 year	13%
1 - 2 years	35%
2 - 3 years	20%
3 - 5 years	3%
More than 5 years	1%
Never	2%
Don't know/ N/A	22%

 

Q4. If you have had a partner who has passed away, have you subsequently moved on to a new relationship?
Yes	18%
No	82%

 

Q5. If yes, how long was it between your partner's death and the start of your new relationship?
Before death	4%
Immediately or up to 1 month	0%
1 - 3 months	2%
3 - 6 months	8%
6 months - 1 year	12%
1 - 2 years	27%
2 - 3 years	14%
3 - 5 years	6%
More than 5 years	24%
Never	0%
Don't know/ N/A	2%

 

Q6. If you have separated from a partner, have you subsequently moved on to a new relationship?
Yes	51%
No	49%

 

Q7. If yes, approximately how long was it between the separation and the start of the new relationship?
Before end of relationship	16%
Immediately or up to 1 month	4%
1 - 3 months	11%
3 - 6 months	15%
6 months - 1 year	17%
1 - 2 years	16%
2 - 3 years	8%
3 - 5 years	4%
More than 5 years	5%
Never	1%
Don't know/ N/A	2%

 

Q8. If you have divorced a partner, have you subsequently moved on to a new relationship?
Yes	63%
No	37%

 

Q9. If yes, approximately how long was it between the divorce and the start of the new relationship?
Before end of relationship	15%
After the end of the relationship but before divorce finalised	23%
Immediately or up to 1 month	0%
1 - 3 months	4%
3 - 6 months	6%
6 months - 1 year	13%
1 - 2 years	14%
2 - 3 years	8%
3 - 5 years	4%
More than 5 years	11%
Never	0%
Don't know/ N/A	0%

 

Q10. If you met a partner later in life, how did you meet him/her?
Matchmaking by adult children/grandchildren	1%
Matchmaking by friends	7%
You initiated a date with someone else	2%
You were approached by someone else	2%
Internet dating	30%
Shared interest groups	14%
Chance meeting	14%
You were friends originally	18%
Other	20%

 

Q11. If you are or have been single whilst having older or adult children, would you say... 

 

Your children have ever played or tried to play matchmaker for you?
Yes	11%
No	87%
Don't know	2%

 

Your children have ever objected to a potential or actual partner?
Yes	31%
No	62%
Don't know	6%

 

Your children have a good understanding of who would be a good partner for you?
Yes	38%
No	23%
Don't know	39%

 

You would trust your children to be good matchmakers for you?
Yes	26%
No	44%
Don't know	30%

 

Your children don't want you to have a partner and prefer you to be alone?
Yes	13%
No	65%
Don't know	23%

 

Your children have objected to you moving on with what they see as 'indecent haste' after death or divorce etc.?
Yes	8%
No	82%
Don't know	10%

 

Q12. If your children have ever objected to a partner/potential partner, why did they object?
In their opinion too soon after divorce/parent's death	7%
Concerned about new partner's intentions	26%
Personality conflict with new partner	57%
Worried about new partner taking place of parent who has passed away/been divorced	12%
Concerns regarding inheritance	6%
Other	13%

 

Q13. And, if they objected, how did you handle this?
Ended the relationship with the partner	29%
Continued the relationship with the partner and things have sorted themselves out	36%
Continued the relationship with the partner regardless and endured the unpleasantness	22%
Lost contact with my children as a result of the relationship	2%
Other	16%

 

Q14. How do you think the conversation about finding a romantic relationship after losing a partner is between...

 

You and your friends/relations your own age
A taboo topic	2%
Somewhere in between taboo and openly discussed	19%
Openly discussed	51%
Don't know	10%
N/A	18%

 

You and your children
A taboo topic	8%
Somewhere in between taboo and openly discussed	26%
Openly discussed	29%
Don't know	12%
N/A	25%

 

Q15. How old are you?
50-54	20%
55-59	18%
60-64	25%
65-69	26%
70-74	9%
75-79	2%
80-84	0%
85-89	0%
90+	0%

 

Q16. Are you male or female?
Other	0%
Female	96%
Male	4%

 

Q17. Where do you live (at present)?
North East	4%
North West	9%
Yorkshire & The Humber	9%
East Midlands	8%
West Midlands	7%
East of England	9%
London	8%
South East	18%
South West	13%
Wales	4%
Scotland	6%
Northern Ireland	1%
Isle of Man	0%
Channel Islands	0%
Republic of Ireland	0%
Outside UK/Eire	2%

 

Q18. How many children do you have (of any age)?
None	6%
1	16%
2	47%
3	18%
4	7%
5	4%
6	0%
7	0%
8	0%
Nine or more	0%

 

Click here for a summary of the survey results, or for more relationships news and discussions take a look at our forum.