How grey do you go?

We may be older and wiser, but we've not hung up our dancing shoes yet...

1. It's twilight and you've just opened a bag of carrot batons...

now where's your Nutribullet, there's nothing like fresh taramasalata for a carrot baton. you've got 8 mins before himself returns from the shed for a full wax and nail coat. Eek! darn it, you meant to open the mange tout. That's what you get for indulging in some afternoon delight while you're cooking.

2. You're blindfolded and you've not eaten since lunchtime...

but your inner goddess is saying submit, so you'll have to shelve that crisp craving for now. afternoon naps are far from ideal with your low blood sugar. Time for a digestive, surely. and frankly after the calories you've just burned, there's a freshly baked lemon drizzle with your name on it.

3. Your inner goddess fancies a chat. Does she...

Merengue, Cha Cha and Push-pineapple-shake-the-tree all over the shop. mention firmly but politely that your library books are now three days overdue. have an inner squabble about going to Zumba with Brenda next door or cooking a romantic meal for two tonight.

4. It's that time coughs of the month again...

when you convert the larder to a bijou red room of discomfort. Well those Ainsley Harriot cous cous packets won't move themselves. for vinegar and newspapers. Nothing says a clean home like a sparkling window. to decamp to that boutique B&B to have some 400 thread count fun with DH.

5. DH grabs hold of you abruptly...

he turns you round and, gazing at your hair for a second, pulls out a big fat grey one. He's a sweetie. you give him a hard pinch. Actually that really smarted, so you both decide to recover in front of Countdown. and pulls you out of the way of a large can of pineapple falling from the top cupboard. Phew, that was close.

6. And now he's joined you in the lift...

he'll have to squeeze past that woman with all the Asda bags if he's going to have enough room to get to the 2nd floor. and despite it being half full, you just can't resist a sneaky pinch of his bum. Well, why not? you throw off your pac-a-mac and French kiss for Kidderminster. You may be grey, but you still got it sister!

How grey do you go?

50+ Shades of Grey (actually, bit scared face)

Well, it's easy to see who wrote the book on how to have fun and enjoy yourself missus! Queen of the Swinging Sixties, you were clearly swinging over swimming pools long before Joan Collins even got her cossie on. Harold Robbins would be proud! Keep it up *wink, wink*.

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How grey do you go?

Forty Shades of Magnolia

The only thing grey about you lady, is that pavillion grey door you're keeping firmly closed. Not a red room in sight, and the only pain you get is the earache from everyone yacking on about this ridiculous film. You could inject a little hanky in your panky sometime. You never know...you might just like it!

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How grey do you go?

Fifty-Fifty and Fabulous

You've got your inner goddess working for you like nobody else. Whether it's thinking up new ways with Lakeland gadgets or just keeping the spark in your marriage, you have nailed the perfect balance between siren and sleeping.

1. It's twilight and you've just opened a bag of carrot batons...

2. You're blindfolded and you've not eaten since lunchtime...

3. Your inner goddess fancies a chat. Does she...

4. It's that time *coughs* of the month again...

5. DH grabs hold of you abruptly...

6. And now he's joined you in the lift...

50+ Shades of Grey (actually, bit scared face)

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Forty Shades of Magnolia

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Fifty-Fifty and Fabulous

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4. It's that time coughs of the month again...