Exhausted after spending a day with my grandchildren

I can only begin to imagine how you must be feeling, grannyactivist. Your own emotions will be stretched giving the support (both emotional and physical), that your daughter will be needing. There's and old saying - 'If they are cut, we bleed'. How true that is. I hope, as time goes on, that better times are ahead for you all.

I am 74 and I have just returned from 4 days looking after my GDs 5 and 8 while their parents went on a long weekend hiking. My daughter needs to get away (who doesn't?) so I agreed to oblige but with my rules.
Grandma's table manners first of all, then no friends calling and all the toys and games tidying up done by the GDs before going to bed. Because the eldest had a group recorder concert on the Sunday morning, she should have been bathed on Saturday with hair washed, but when the time came, I just gave them both a flannel and on Sunday tied the hair in bunches.
Yesterday I flopped, read magazines and played cards on my computer! Husband cooked us some spaghetti. Today I feel recovered and dare I say it, I miss them and wonder what they are doing......

grannyactivist, of course you would worry about your very precious granchild in your situation. It must be so hard for you and your daughter, but wonderful that you can help her out. I hope as he gets older you will be able to relax a little more when you have him. Does your daughter know how you feel. It may be a good idea to chat to her about your feelings if you havn't already. I must admit, when I am looking after my granson, I dread being the one to have to phone my daughter to tell her that we are on our way to hospital for some reason, so I can understand how you feel, especially with your daughter's situation. I feel for you. You carry on fussing over him more than you should, it's in our contract that we are allowed to

My mum had a very true saying - "God couldn't be everywhere so he made mothers" or perhaps that should read grandmothers!!!

I absolutely agree - I had a wonderful relationship with my grandparents and have such happy memories of my childhood holidays with them. I see a lot of my middle grandchild and do some childcare and although very tiring it is such great fun and I am pleased to have such a close relationship with her and hope it lasts a lifetime.

Hello to all of you who have posted here on this subject.
It seems most of us are in the same boat.
Absolutely exhausted after a visit from our grandchild/children.
The question is why?
Well, our children do not bring up their children the way we did it.
We had certain boundaries, which to us seemed natural. Does anyone remember playpens??
Not now, the child must be allowed anything it wants to explore.
The child loves it, the parents love it, and the grandparents pull their hair out. And yes, child must be allowed to explore your whole house and garden, but at the same time comes with a manual, and God forbid you deviate from it.
It is very unnatural, to say the least.
However, those of you who are " given " sole responsibility for a day, or two even, please point out that it can only work by your rules or not at all.

I am soon to be moving in to my daughter's house for 4 days to look after her 3 lively boys aged 7-11 and the dog while their parents complete the 3 peaks challenge (Ben Nevis,Scafell Pike and Snowdon within 24 hours). I don't know who will be the most exhausted! At 65 I am quite active but am always shattered after being with the children. I have always devoted my full attention to them when with them, which I love doing,they are great fun.

I think it is the constant adjustment that is extra exhausting. We all know looking after young children is exhausting, full stop, but if you have them all the time you make adjustments to accommodate your needs and theirs and, in most cases, some kind of manageable level of working is reached. This is not to say there aren't moments when it doesn't seem to be working! But when you only have your granchild(ren) on a temporary basis, even repeatedly, you have to adjust to the child(ren)'s needs every time because you're used to living a different way without having to accommodate them all the time.

I agree with Johanna that things are so different now, with regards to bringing up children. I was quite a strict mum I think, really! One look from me was usually enough, if we were out visiting, and things were starting to get out of order! I have no qualms about bringing them up that way, because they grew up to be thoughtful and caring adults. My eldest daughter didn't have her daughter until she was 34. She'd told me quite few years before she had her that she thought that I'd been strict. As her daughter (my youngest grand-daughter) was going through toddler stage and right up until now, at 11, my daughter and her husband have had very difficult times with her. No particular boundaries were set, and my grand-daughter has more or less directed the way they live their lives - even television viewing is worked around what she wishes to watch! When she stays with me or my other daughter, she's a pillar of virtue, although that's to be expected - they always behave better when not at home I know. It's been a difficult time for my daughter. My grand-daughter openly shows that she prefers her father, and hates to see any closeness between them. I wondered if the problems began right at the very beginning, because my daughter went straight back to work more or less as soon as possible after she was born. Does anyone have any views on this? I do have quite a few concerns, as within a few months she'll be starting senior school. That can sometimes be so traumatic for an only (and possibly lonely) child

I know what you mean grannyactivist although My grandchildren are not poorly like your little one, and I understnd fully that you are going to worry as your poor daughter being recently widowed is an added worry. as you don't want her to be unhappy.
However I worry constantly over my two grandchildren aged 3 and 4 as the thought of anything happening to them whilst in my care is frightening so I watch them like a hawk, so at the end of my baby sitting I am exhausted because I too worry far more over them than I did with my own.
Iam sure as your grandson grows and gets stronger you won't feel quite so exhausted'

I like that...brilliant im sure my grandson could keep going for days on end.

My daughter had a playpen for her son, he loved it and as she was on her own with him it was a godsend if only so she could shower in the morning. However all her friends seemed to think she was cruel having one and she used to get a bit upset about it, it wasnt cruel he loved a bit of peace to play in it, whenever he was away from home when he got back he couldnt wait to get in. My daughter is quite old fashioned in her parenting style and it works, only yesterday my grandsons nursery said that he was the most polite happiest little boy she had ever looked after...im very proud!

Playpens were a passport to a relaxed mother and a happy baby. Why do today's mothers think that a baby with no concept of handling things carefully, or not touching certain things at all, should have the right to go everywhere, grab everything, and have everyone else on tenterhooks
for their safety the whole day?

It is not as if they were in it all their waking hours, as some modern mothers accuse us of. Mine played happily within sight and sound of me while I got on with the chores, talking to them while I did so - and leaving the room briefly to fetch something or visit the loo without having to carry a child with me. I knew they were safe and occupied, they knew I was nearby.

When the work was done, I could lift them out and give them my full attention. They could have freedom when I had time to play with them and stop them getting into danger or destroying the soft furnishings.

In the afternoon they slept for a while in the pram in the garden, or beside an open window if it was raining, while I gardened or sat near them reading. I could push the pram straight off to the shops if I needed anything without disturbing a sleeping child. No car at that time, no supermarkets either, so what I bought from local shops was loaded into the tray under the pram and pushed home.

I had three children aged 5 and 3 1/2 when the new baby arrived, so the playpen got a lot of use. Without it I would have had to supervise two active youngsters while carrying a toddler around with me - or stay with the toddler while the others got into mischief. I don't know about other parents, but one of the things I had nightmares about was being busy coping with one emergency while another child fell into danger.

The older two appreciated the toddler being kept away from their treasures, too. It avoided screams of dismay as baby seized and crushed craftwork that his big sisters were lovingly constructing - but he could given a few bits of paper in the playpen to scrunch up for himself, and feel that he was joining in.

Bring back playpens!

Have just waved bye to darling 2year-old Robbie after a 24 hour visit. Recovering with a cup of tea before setting off to have a bone density scan at the hospital Will let you know if it proves to be an interesting experience.

Agree with all of the above!

But we didn't have any help from grandmas [ one dead, the other unwilling] with my little ones so am determined to be of help with my grandson. I like the idea of taking grandchildren to the beach and sitting in a deckchair all day. Must work on that option.

And yes, my daughter does revert to daughterhood in my home despite being a mum herself but I know she is grateful for the support [ friends tell me she tells them so! ]

I used to put my elder daughter in the playpen to do her colouring etc when her little sister was crawling, so she could have some peace and quiet!! We also put the Christmas tree in it when they were toddlers so we didn't have to worry about them touching it.
When my GC were little, and I child minded them, I used a playpen when I was preparing their food, or even just answering the door, or going to the loo, so I knew they were safe. They were fine with it as long as they had some toys in with them.

Actually little children like little spaces - whats so different from a playpen to a camp under the table?

Exactly, nanapug and silverfoxygranny.

Plenty to do and a comfy place to do it, and Mum or Gran nearby to chat with them and hand over a biscuit or a new toy (wooden spoon to bang? old magazine with pretty pictures to tear up?) from time to time.

Then a jolly time with a Mum or Gran who has tidied the kitchen and prepared the next meal in peace and is ready to play.

I've just joined Gransnet today but am so pleased to know that others feel exactly the way I do when I look after our 2-yr old two days each week. I love him absolutely and he's now very interesting, speaking proper sentences etc., but HE IS EXHAUSTING ! What doesn't help is that I have moderate to severe osteoarthritis in both hands and have to take prescribed medication before he arrives to enable me to cope properly. Having said that, funny things do happen, like taking him in the car to the supermarket to do the weekly shop but having to turn around and come home again because I was unable to unclasp the safety catch on his car seat (grrrrr !). I suppose it's just the age thing - I'm nearly 64, but I refuse to give in !

Hello and welcome, busybutfun! In an earlier posting I'd mentioned how tired I felt after a visit from my one-year-old great-grandson. I think a playpen is a great idea - and agree wholeheartedly with the other grans who have been talking about it. I think I'll suggest it to my grand-daughter, and see if we can pick one up somewhere. She's a great wee mum, and might feel that she's 'imprisoning' him, but I think I'll show her some of these posts, and see what she thinks!

I used to get into the playpen to feed baby no.2, otherwise no.1 was climbing all over us. No.1 got her feeds in peace and I felt it was only fair to let no.2 have the same. When no.3 came along, we had two playpens (one to protect my harp) and three gates (top and bottom of stairs and one across baby's room doorway). I think it all saved me a lot of bother and stress.

Hello there - I have also just joined Gransnet and I am so relieved to hear about the difficulties that other Grans have - mainly the feeling of responsibility and exhaustion that descends. I have 2 grandsons who are 12 and 8 and argue constantly - I have looked after them a lot on my own since they were little as well as working full time and am 62 .. My daughter is unable to understand that I find it hard to have them both together particularly if I have them all weekend. I have even resorted to asking my ex husband to visit just to get another adult to be there for an hour or so. The whole family now think that I'm a neurotic worrier . I find it difficult to say no as I love them so much but sometimes it would be nice to get a thank you from any of them!

I can totally understand where you're coming from with all this, Magdalene. If you see the post I wrote way back on 30th May, you can see I worry myself sick about all the hazards that present themselves when my young great-grandson is here. I honestly didn't worry anything like that when my own were young - but then, I was younger too! These young lads are your daughter's responsibility, not yours, and you need to listen to your own body. You are very tired - why? Because you're having to do too much. If your daughter doesn't 'hear' what you're saying to her, perhaps you may need to reconsider how often you can look after them. Be strong. There's only ONE of you, and you're spreading yourself too thinly. Be kind to yourself.

Hello all.
My first post and this is where my feelings resonate! I have had years (about 20) of being 'there' for my daughter's crises. Now at last things have calmed a bit. Seven years ago my partner died and I have mostly lived alone since.
Five years ago I moved to a small town 15 miles away, feeling that I needed peace and quiet. My youngest grandson (of four, eldest 22) is now 10 and much easier, so far, than the others were. He was here last weekend.

Then last Christmas Day I fell on the ice at my daughter's house and broke my wrist. Because I have been out of action, at last people are NOT assuming I will help!
If my eldest grandson's dog gets hurt, someone else is roped in for transport. If some one needs the A & E, there's a bus. I lose less things through borrowing!
This is sounding a bit selfish, but I needed quiet so much.Sometimes it's lonely, sometimes I need help. I am getting to know neighbours here, though. My wrist is not right yet and that is frustrating.
I have time to think and have been writing and researching family history.
And I sleep without earplugs for the first time in years.

Hello and welcome Oxon70. You have certainly been a hard working grandmother. Guessing you have a wealth of experience you can contribute to this site.

Let us know where you are on the "Where are you?" thread.