Should grandparents drink alcohol while babysitting

What a big fuss to make about one glass of wine. I can see your concern with the problem with your Mum but it would be a different story if she drank the whole bottle. Relax, go out for the evening and trust your MIL. It is not so much the needing a glass of wine, just that some of us enjoy one in the evening without being accused of being an alcoholic. Can anyone tell me how to make the wine glass sign.

The more I think about this, the more I think it not about alcohol, it is about trust. If you trust someone to look after your child, then you trust them enough not to drink to the point where they could no longer be a responsible carer. I would have no problem with having a glass of wine when looking after my grandchildren, my children would think it was entirely normal and if a friend was babysitting they would certainly tell them to help themselves to a glass of wine from the fridge.

Well, I guess it is about whether or not you think that drink is a (potential) evil or not. I do not.

But there is a difference between driving a car (non-stop concentration) and looking after a grandchild (might need attention at some point). I should never drink whilst driving, but whilst baby-sitting, whyever not?

Having said that, I should be very unlikely to settle down with a glass of wine before my grandchildren were also settled down for the night. I just wouldn't be able to relax enough to enjoy my drink.

I agree with Jangran. I wait till my grandchildren are sleeping then relax with a glass of wine. I can't see the problem.

I think all of us who do enjoy whether babysitting or not have not had benandjerrys problem with her mum and that will make such a difference to her so I think we should all be more understanding of her situation

I think it's also a matter of knowing one's own limits. I've been drinking red wine on the weekends for many years (just poured a glass of Shiraz...mmm!) and I know relaxed from incapable of responding to an emergency or unable to carry a baby downstairs. If I'm exhausted after a Saturday looking after herself, one small glass, always when the Infanta is at slumber, is all I can manage anyway.

I appreciate that bad experiences of alcohol misuse cause anxiety but one of the difficult things about being a MIL is that one can't intuit the DIL like one's own children; its a voyage of discovery with plenty of opportunity to run aground (Hey Oldie; cut out those hideous metaphors NOW!). The only solution is to be direct and honest.

And of course it depends on the size of the wine glass.... My poison is G&T but I never drink the G part when I'm on my own with the GCs and it gives the liver a break

My goodness this is some topic. I live in a wine growing area where all the wine is drunk by the people who live here and no one thinks they can't therefore look after their children or grandchildren. Baby sitting can be lonely and boring sometimes and I personally like a tiny glass of cognac when I'm staying over and not driving home.

Fancy coming home early and finding that an adult male has gone home to fetch a bottle of wine in for his wife and himself. This is normal adult behaviour. 2 people can't get drunk on one bottle of wine!
Dear DIL just grow up a bit! It is terrible to be away from baby at first it is normal to be anxious but baby is better with his grandparents than with a schoolgirl babysitter, who's engrossed in a computergame or a TV show.
P.S. People with a drink problem are drinking after breakfast! Not in the evening when relaxing.

Don't you or your dh have a drink in the evening sometimes . I think that its ok providing its one or two and they are not completely rat arsed. The difference between your MIL and a babysitter, is that a babysitter is doing this as a business, and is a business transaction, whereby your MIL is family.

piglet and expat, phew! I've held back from commenting on this but I agree with you both. From 20 weeks old breastfed DD3 conked out for twelve hours (fortunately I don't mind early mornings!). I used to sit down with a glass of wine once she was safely in her cot, for relaxation. Just like a cup of tea psychologically! Now, what's the betting someone will screech at me for drinking wine while breast-feeding? Before anyone does, let me just say that DD was and is one of the healthiest (and fittest, come to that) kids around. I'm not doing too badly either, so clearly it didn't do either of us any harm. As with all things, moderation is the key.

Made me smile there baggy with talk of alcohol whilst breastfeeding...
When firstborn was about 8 weeks old we visited my Nana who remarked that I looked very tired and recommended a small nip of whiskey in milk before bed each night. I dont like whiskey but did as suggested. I was very young and naive, had no other female relatives for advice and was not aware that what I ate/drank would affect breast milk. This was explained to me about 4 weeks later, I immediately stopped the nightly whiskey, but by then daughter had established a pattern of sleeping through the night. Quite scary isn't it?
Daughter is now a robust 44 year old and likes Jack Daniels.
She still sleeps through the night.

notso, your nightcap doesn't seem to have done your daughter a scrap of harm. I forgot to say that DD used to conk out at five o'clock in the afternoon (thus the reference to early mornings).

Oh Notso that made me smile and I remembered a midwife from my past who recommended a drop of brandy in little one's last feed at night. Unfortunately the next morning I had a different midwife and when she burped baby all you could smell was brandy.............I was mortified!! It was over 30 years ago and daughter now has a daughter of her own..............They both sleep through the night - but without the aid of brandy......
p.s. of course I'm not advocating such practice now!!

When I had my first baby it was the custom to stay in hospital for five days. One of the attempts to encourage people to breast-feed was to offer the mums Guiness or other stout ale to help the milk flow, they said. I don't like dark ale so I didn't have it (besides, I'd already decided to bf), but the kind nurses used to bring me milk and toast during the night feed. So nice.

Oh Jogginggirl that is a road I didn't want to go down. So many babies have had a drop of Whiskey to get them off to sleep in the good old days.
I never did it but I came very near to it.

i do like a little drop of the hard stuff but NEVER drink any alcohol when i am responsible for the kiddiewinks, even when they are safely tucked in for the night.

Oh baggythecrust! When I trained as a midwife (early 70s, only 40 years ago!) we used to say that mums needed an afternoon rest to keep the milk supply up in the evening.
We used to say "now, after Listen with Mother (1.45) put your feet up with a glass of Guiness and listen to Woman's Hour (2-3 back then) before you get the older children from school"
It's not just the Guiness that dates that advice but the absence of hundreds of daytime channels on the TV!!!!!!!

jackyann, and jolly good advice it was! Essentially a little siesta.

I used to have an afternoon siesta on the sofa with 2 youngest and set the timer on the cooker to wake me up to collect eldest from school.

notso, I did EXACTLY the same thing!

Expatmaggie
It is perfectly possible to be drunk after a half bottle of wine. You may not be sloshed but your judgement is impaired and your reaction time is slower.
Also, its naive to think that people with a drink problem drink at breakfast and not just in the evening. I know a few people who have a drink problem who only drink in the evenings.

I don't think one glass of wine is going to pose any great danger but if the rest of the bottle is there it may be tempting to have more. I love a glass of wine - but I would not have any if I was babysitting my grandchildren - It would be terrible if anything happened to them and my Son or daughter blamed me drinking alcohol for whatever happened ! Its not worth the risk

All the comments have been very interesting and good to get different viewpoints. I would like to say that I have not accused my MIL of being an alcoholic and nor was is it implied. (but I guess thats open to how you interpret the post).
Pigletmania - to answer your question, no, I dont drink alcohol at all neither does DH, so there is no situation of it's okay for us to do it but not them.
Expat Maggie - I wouldn't leave my child with a schoolgirl babysitter and I do not need to grow up thankyou. I have every right as the parent to request that no matter who is looking after my child that they do not drink alcohol, just as many would ask a smoker not to smoke around or in the same room as a baby. In case you missed it, my mother was an alcoholic, so unless you have lived with that or had first hand experience of alcohol abuse you would not understand why I have little tolerance for it. Not all alcoholics are drunk after breakfast as maxgran mentioned. They can be very clever at fooling people into believing they dont have a problem.
The OP was not asking if I was being unreasonable (should have posted in relationships probably) but was asking how I handle the situation and for that I received some excellent feedback.

B&J
From reading the previous posts - I agree that your DH should be the one to have a word with his mother about this.
I think you have a right to expect that someone who agrees to babysit should not drink alcohol.It is a perfectly reasonable expectation.
If they think they should be allowed to drink then you would have to accept they are not suitable to ask anymore and they should accept this without taking offence.

Maybe it would be better to get a babysitter?

My view is that grandparents should not interfere with the way parents raise their children. The grandparents have to relinquish control and let the parents do it their way.

Equally, I think parents should not ask grandparents to babysit if they don't have confidence in them. If you want them to care for your children, you have to relinquish control and let them do it their way.

I agree with you, I wouldn't want anyone looking after my children to drink. But the solution in my mind is, therefore I wouldn't ask these grandparents to look after my children. It doesn't have to be a disagreement. I would let the grandparents come when the children are awake, and play with them and enjoy them rather than having to be responsible for them.

I would not be happy with the MIL drinking while looking after my child, just as i would not be happy if a babysitter was drinking while looking after my child, I would make it clear as she knows your house is a non-alcohol area anyway that drinking while babysitting will not be tolerated