Regarding, grandparents drinking when babysitting - is there any evidence that this is a danger to the children? Obviously getting totally sloshed might present a problem, but otherwise? If there is no evidence, then the issue is not whether or not grandparents + a glass of wine apiece are unsuitable babysitters, but why it so strongly affects BenandJerry.
BenandJerry has explained that the reason she was so affected was because she had an alcoholic mother, and I can see that this is very significant. But
if it affects her judgement on more or less unrelated matters (such as grandparents having a glass of wine whilst babysitting), then her mother's illness has become her problem - and a problem that perhaps she should deal with before it affects her judgement regarding her children.
How is BenandJerrys going to handle her own children as teenagers when they (almost inevitably) are going to want to experiment with drinking?
We all manage to load our children with our own emotional baggage, whatever the reason we have it, but surely it is something we should at least try to avoid?
To be healthy mentally ourselves is probably the best gift we can give our children. I suffered agonisingly from anxiety and panic attacks, from as far back as I can remember. I have not really got to the bottom of why I have had such difficulties, but I think it may have something to do with the fact that my father had them, and responded by creating an atmosphere of anxiety around me. Anxiety, in other words, became something of a way of life for my childhood.
Thinking about that, I did everything I could to prevent my children from realising my mental state. I did tell them eventually, when they were both adults, and both of them responded with real surprise.
My elder daughter tends to get a bit uptight, but, thankfully, her mental health is strong, and she, like her sister, has been able to pursue her course in life without any psychological hang-ups preventing her. True, they have a beautifully laid-back father, but all the same, I do take some of the credit myself for managing to disguise my emotional baggage.
I know it is a different set of circumstances, but perhaps something BenandJerry should start thinking about.
Another welcoming into Soop's kitchen for those who care to share...