My daughter in law is inept and useless as a mum.

I just hope and pray that you never voice your opinions to your DIL. I have 8 children, 3 who are grown up and 5 little ones. I was very strict with the older ones and as time has gone on I've tended towards what made me and my children happy. These days I'm definitely what could be described as a 'crunchy' parent. My youngest is due to turn 4 this month and still sleeps in our bed every night....the older ones are fleeing the nest now and making lives of their own and I hope that they follow the attachment parenting philosophy. It makes for much happier children.
Maybe instead of criticising your DIL you could offer to do some housework for her and help her out more so she can be with her little one as much as she likes, spending more time around them might help you understand how good attachment parenting is for Mother and baby.

you were baby sitting your grandchild and you shut him in a room and let him scream and you think your daughter in law is unreasonable, you should be ashamed of your behaviour, it boarders on neglect, I woulod be furious in your DIL position, I co sleep with son and did with my two oldest boys they are well balanced charming little boys, I wouldn't let you look after my neighbours cat never mind my child, the idea of a baby sitter is that you can trust them with your child, congratulations you blew that one

PatriciaPT:
there isn't really a contradiction in what your daughter says, and your feelings, if you look at it deeply (as I had to, in my former, working life).

Different regimes don't make a huge difference, as long as they are consistent and the baby is loved (ie: communicated with, responded to & "held in mind"). A very rare episode of not-so-good parenting is also not important in an otherwise well-loved and cared-for child.
Inconsistent regimes and lack of response is what is harmful.
It is also easier to be consistent if you are working within your own cultural framework & supported by others with the same views.

So what "Modesty" did is harmful, but probably not very much so in the overall life of the child (assuming his parents are consistent & caring)

I too, think she was not-for-real, but exactly how, I don't know.
The other similar poster admitted to being the DiL.
I see a particular niche here for this self-selecting group of Grans!

I can't help thinking there must be a clue in the name Modesty. But what is it?

I can't help thinking there must be a clue in the name Modesty. But what is it?

P.S. It wasn't you Geraldine was it!!??

As many are saying this is probably a spoof post. I must admit that I found the first couple of week's topics on here were a bit dull - probably because there weren't enough users. It could be someone's idea of a joke to liven things up. Lets face it - talk of DIL's can be like a red rag to a bull for some!!

I feel quite sorry for modesty because there can only be 1 loser in this and that will be her

I think that if Modesty was the DIL she would have owned up by now!

BecauseImWorthIt - Now, that would make some sense.

I wonder if Modesty is, in fact, the daughter in law? Trying to see if other MILs would agree with what her MIL has done?

Have most Gransnetters come to the conclusion that Modesty has either lost the plot, or what? If Modesty is indeed a real grannie, she needs an honest-to-goodness talking-to from her son. Alternatively, if the posting is meant to be funny...I must have a rubbishy sense humour.

My goodness there can't be much to add and the posts are too many to go through in detail. My daughter who has studied the research and does what Modesty's DIL does, tells me that in fact the outcomes of the different styles are much the same.
My mother was very routine oriented (they had books in those days which told them that picking the baby up between [4 hourly] feeds was spoiling etc etc).
I started off loosely routine oriented but gradually by observation and reading, came to the conclusion that leaving babies to cry was harmful to them, that crying was for a reason and was intended to encourage us to respond. While the 2 eldest of my 6 never came into our bed, things gradually relaxed (anything to get some sleep was quite a driver.....) and the youngest slept mostly with us until she was about 3.5, and breastfed for 4 years. They are all independent adults and are fortunate in this day and age to own their own homes.
I still can't believe it isn't harmful for a baby to be (as it must seem to her/him) abandoned crying for even 5 minutes never mind for hours. But then there's that research!

Think so, Annobel! What a cheeky mare Modesty is!

As Modesty has not reappeared, it seems likely that she is an invader from Mumsnet. Should we have immigration control?

I think it is a wind up-she has comeover from MumsNet to get us all agreeing so that she can go back and say that MILs are outdated and intolerant-in which case she must be disappointed!!

I think Modesty is being 'tongue in cheek'

Where are you modesty

Wow, I too hope this was a wind up but if it isn't, modesty, you sound like my grandmother and I am 61!! It is 2011 and you need to move with the times. It is not only child care that is done differently. If you think about it, every part of life has changed weather we like it or not. The only way is to embrace change and look at sites like mumsnet or buy a parenting magazine and see the research behind modern parenting methods. My daughter's MIL is always saying things like " that's not how we did it" and making disapproving comments, and I can assure you it is not appreciated. If you want a loving relationship with your grandchild you need to accept modern parenting, and if you are not prepared to do that I feel very sorry for you.

So if this is just a silly attention seeking post then perhaps, just as one ignores a toddler having a strop.......?

I have just wondered whether Modesty is a mum who has had this experience with her mother / mil, and wanted a grans' reaction.
If so, she has it, and knows where she stands.
Modesty, if you can, let us know what you think of the reactions here; if you say no more, we will all think we've been had.

If it's a wind up I feel sorry for Modesty that she feels the need to draw attention to herself in such a bizarre way.

If it's not a wind up, then I feel desperately sorry and concerned for her grandchild. I hope for the sake of the child's emotional well-being that Modesty is never again left in sole charge of her grandson, or any future grandchildren.

Modesty! If you want a good relationship with your grandchild, accept your DIL for what she is - the woman your son chose to be the mother of his children. Doesn't it strike you as significant that he was attracted to someone so diametrically different from you?

I just cannot believe that anyone could bear to leave a 15-month-old to cry like that! The poor little boy must have been terrified. IF this is a 'wind-up' then modesty needs a shake. Perhaps her name tells us something? If she's popped over the fence from Mumsnet to see what reaction she receives, then I suggest she gets a life! And if she's genuine....well....oh! I must not say what I feel I need to!

I agree it must be a wind up. Please come on again modesty and give us an answer. You certainly got us going. Well done.