My daughter in law is inept and useless as a mum.

I could never leave my grandson to cry in that way, I am hoping this is a wind up because it beggars belief...and also compassion for the poor child...shame on you.

--- and some grandmothers wonder why they don't see their grandchildren !!!!!

This must be a wind up everything very quiet from OP,if I had
received the comments she has had regarding babysitting and her
DIL I would have had to respond by now,once again shame on you
for allowing a child to continue to cry for such a length of time
I would not be surprised if your DIL did not let you look after the
child again.

Divawithattitude I had exactly the same thought....

If this is a wind-up - shame on you.

If the baby was left in distress because you felt that he had to 'learn' - shame on you.

Perhaps if was one of those youngsters from Mumsnet winding us up!!

Funny how Modesty has modestly withdrawn methinks! Still, some of us have got to know each other a little better and I think everyone has stuck up for the poor DIL. Even if the original post was a spoof, there are people like that but it is refreshing to discover that the vast majority are not.

Most of todays parents don't do things as we would have done them. In my mind they make life much more stressful for themselves with their differing ways!! If they are happy and most importantly of all, their children are happy, we should not concern ourselves. I've learn't to bite my tongue many a time and remain on really good terms with all my family except for one neurotic DIL - no chance of good relations there!

It's good to see an argumentative subject on here - I was beginning to think that gransnet was rather dull.

I read the OP as a "joke", but it's not a particularly funny one. I have learned from Mumsnet that things are often a lot different from back when I was a mum of newborns, but also that there are people who don't realise that guidelines have changed.

But Gransnet doesn't need Modesty's contribution, either as a snark or a silly attempt at "education". I guess most of us are here because we have experience, knowledge, and also the smarts to recognise changes in guidelines. We may be old(ish), but we're not stupid.

Have just read this again...............and I am begining to think that it must be a put up job...I dont want to call it a joke because its not funny. Its a shame, because we are usually all up for a larf on a friday night...but this sort of thing could actually do Gransnet some harm.

Has to be a wind up I can't believe any Gransnetters could have such an attitude.

Anyway Modesty, if I agreed with you, we would both be wrong.. but congratulations you had me going for a while, I actually thought your post was serious for a nanno second... well done!

I'm afraid wind up or not, I think that type of attitude from a grandma would be likely to have many parents saying "its my way or the highway".. and no Grandma wants that surely?

Anyone else thinking that this has been a Friday afternoon wind-up?

Dear Modesty.....you are allowed to have any opinions you like.....but your relationship with your family has got to be far more important than anything else...read all the lovely Grandmas and no doubt Grandads who come in here and are not allowed any contact with their grandchildren. Yes its a different way to you but please try to let it wash over you and just enjoy the chances you have to be a part of your son and grandson's life.

quote -Is this a joke? - unquote

I did wonder, Quackquackboing, but if serious, Modesty (Blaise?) needs our support - if a joke, well, we're too experienced to worry about it!

And doresetpennt - am amused by your comment. My mother (working class but aspirational) wondered if she should bottle feed to establish middle-class credentials! Glad common sense (and the older women in our family) prevailed - sister & I very healthy - and there has not been a bottle-fed baby in our family, ever.

He has to learn ? Learn what? The old adage leave then to cry themselves to sleep went out before I had my children in the 70's. So where did you get your information. Children bring their children up differently in each generation. I know my MIL used to think so. In her day women of a certain class DIDN'T breast feed, Dads didn't come in for the birth [she thought that was a disgusting thing for a couple to want], Fathers weren't involved like they are now, they didn't feed their baby or change it's nappy. I think your daughter in law is doing fine and unless you want to be kept out of their life I'd just say nothing and if you are with thier baby you follow their rules not yours.

Very bad taste if a joke.

I think it must be a joke as all us gransnetters seem to agree and nobody is on modesty's side.

Is this a joke?

Sounds like a wonderful mum to me. Possibly on the more extreme side [I did at least attempt to put mine in their cot or bed, even though they usually ended up sleeping with us]. Better to have a daughter in law treating a grandchild like that than one who was uncaring towards them. Thought when I saw the heading it was going to be about a mother who went out clubbing every night and didn't feed the child!

My youngest daughter has a strict routine with her 4 mth old baby and he loves it, and is the happiest wee boy. She also plays with him a lot and reads to him.........and keeps an immaculate house by getting up at 6am when her husband goes to work.
...................however my eldest is so much like your DIL Modesty.
Breastfed 3 children for well over a year, very little routine until the elder 2 started school. She is expecting her 4th in August and this baby will sleep with her and demand feed.
She often has all the children sleeping with her as her husband works a lot of nightshifts as a paramedic. Her toddler has very successfully ''led'' his own weaning, and the house is usually a tip...........not MY way of doing things at all BUT I would never critisize or comment on her way of doing things. In spite of all the chaos ...you can 'feel the love' the minute you walk through the door and that is all that matters...as long as children are fed properly,safe, clean and loved.
I could never leave a baby to cry though.
Do try to relax and embrace a different way of bringing up children...and you will enjoy your GS and will get so much love in return xxxxx

PS Modesty - did you really mean what you posted?

Oh dear - you'd have hated me, Modesty. I never did the breastfeeding thing, nor did I let them sleep with us, because I need my sleep, BUT I played with them, made lots of mess, and my husband learned to live with it because the children's happiness came first.

I would not leave a distressed child to cry for a long period of time. Many children cry for five or ten minutes, but longer is cruel.