6 year old grandson doesnt like me - Help please

I think the advice from Magsie is good advice. Get his mother to have a little chat with the GS regarding his behaviour. It could be something quite small but not in his mind small. Or it's just a phase. Just don't try and win him over with extra treats etc., he'll soon cotton on to that and continue to be unpleasant. Just let him know you love him despite everything. I bet it'll soon be back to normal.

Charlotta, I think you've probably hit the nail on the head. I sometimes think , "look, you're nearly seventy, why the hell would he want you to kiss and hug him?!". On the other hand, I know theres a lot of winding up goes on. grrr.

Maybe he doesn't find his grandmother interesting at the moment, kissing and cuddling are boring to a little boy of 6. My GS (7) is always playing with technical toys and reading comics or football magazines, and although he says hello and goodbye he doesn't want kissing. He is in love with his Mum at the moment, he adores her and when I am there it is because she has had to go out, so he's not going to be chatty in the mood that he is in.

Give your GS some space, this is often underestimated in some families and perhaps he needs it.

sandra. yes, you are quite right. Children should not be allowed to be rude or hurtful to people. I do know what the kids in school are like at the moment as my daughter teaches in a secondary school and she tells me how they all seem to think everything is theirs by right and the parents often seem to feel the same way.
Relationships with our nearest and dearest are always going to be very personal things, and everybody is different.
But I think you will enjoy being a granny.

GrandmaAnge I agree with you that it is best not to make a fuss about it.

Basing23 I know it hurts to be treated like that but I think the secret is to stay warmly "available" but to just ignore him and treat him as part of the furniture. I think there is a control thing going on here. One of my sons (the younger one) was selectively mute with anyone other than his parents and brother, up to the age of 5-6 (the boys unfortunately had no living grandparents - it would have been wonderful if they had). We finally attended family counselling to try to sort out the problem. Within minutes a psychologist got him talking. How? He asked the elder boy in the presence of the younger one what kind of biscuits his brother liked. The younger one immediately butted in "jaffa cakes!" thus breaking his own rule of staying mute with strangers.

I think if a child is not going to interact with you pleasantly then I would be tempted to put, say, a little treat on a table and say out loud that that is xxxx's treat, pretending he is not in the room. He might come and claim his treat but try to interact in some way with you - I would just give him a little smile. You might have to try this a few times. Maybe he would welcome a way out of the way he has been behaving - it was certainly what happened with my son's selective mutism.

Faye - Thanks for your wise words. I'm sure I'll enjoy being a Grandma. We seem to be on the same wavelength! I have 3 fab sons who each have partners/wives I love as if they were my own so I'm sure their little ones will be divine!! Well most of the time anyway!!! LOL

sandra you will love being a grandmother. I can't think of anything I love more. I actually don't put up with any rudeness from any of my five grandchildren and they love me to bits. No one has to be a doormat and children do need to learn at an early age that they need to be polite, kind and nice to other people, whether it's their parents, grandparents, siblings, other adults or their friends. It's the same as sharing, they need to learn that they have to share, these sorts of things are best learnt at an early age.
I always tell all of them that I love them. The five year old is not as affectionate as the others, he is like this with everyone and was not a cuddly baby. He gets kissed and hugged the same as the others, I can't help myself, he moans but puts up with it. He was explaining to me last time I was staying that I could live with them. One thing I will never do and that is to have favourites, I love them all and I always tell them so.
Basing23 recently my grandson didn't want to hold my hand when we were crossing a busy road on the way to school, he was carrying on all the way and he knew I was really cross with him. I felt bad when we arrived at his school and when his mother came home I told her what had happened and she said he had done the same to her father and to her before. My grandson was happy when I picked him up that day, the morning incident forgotten. He is a child and as much as I love him I won't tip toe around him.

Jangley - I do realise that children are children and as such behave differently to the rest of us. I didn't need to 'read the posts more carefully', but thanks for the advise!
I was simply pointing out that, in my experience at work, by the time a lot children are teenagers they treat people with little or no respect for their feelings and don't seem to think it matters what they say or do to others. If this sort of behaviour was dealt with in a different way at a younger age maybe things would be different.
I know that if I had been unkind or hurtful to my grandparents, or indeed any adult, my parents would have been furious with me as would I with my own children. Children need to be taught to respect others right from the start, it's part of teaching them to be better adults surely.
Or maybe it's just me, I don't believe in putting children on pedestals. Too many little price/princesses out there already.

Hi Basing23 like you I have never writen on this site before, I had a problem with my 1st GD when she was just a baby my son and Dil would bring her to our home, she was fine with my Husband, but as soon as she heard my voice or saw me she would start wailing, we put it down to the fact she was very poorly as a baby with broncolitis so could only sleep upright, her mum would sit up with her all night while I did the day shift, so her first memories of me (although probably subconcious) was of a time when all was not well in her world. this lasted for about 2 years, she is now 12 and lovely,

I totally agree with the way you have treated your situation GrandmaAnge and I would advise Basing23 to do the same. My GS said he didn't like my husband, when he was about four, but my husband ignored it and like GrandmaAnge was quite cool and not over attentive. My GS now says he loves him but that he remembers not liking him!! I personally would find it hard to do but it's important I think. Be cool! Hope it goes well for you Basing23.

Just think back at when your children where young, how many of us can actually say hand on heart that their kids never once said, "I hate you" or "You are horrible" and did they mean it? no did they heck! so don't worry about it! I know it's easier said than done, but just try.

Dealing with children as a grandparent feels like tunnelling around them sometimes. When my eldest grandson was six he too decided he didn't like me and it was very tempting to overdo it in every way to "win back" his affection.
Instead, I didn't make any fuss at all of him - if anything I was a little cool in comparison to his brothers and sister - and generally ignored anything unpleasant he said. However, if there was a special treat to be given, he understood he was not automatically first in the queue because "like"can work both ways.
It was very hard to keep a cool head, not grab him in a big hug or even constantly defer to him, but I kept it up. After a couple of weeks, I noticed a distinct thawing on his part and that he was the one making the moves to ask questions, volunteer for things, tell jokes or generally try for the limelight.
This may not work for everyone, but it worked for me. Interestingly, his twin sister observed the interaction - or lack of it - and was, unusually, critical of him. The temptation for me was to feel hurt and/or emotional when, really, they are still just children and we are the adults and we need to show them that actions have consequences.

I think that is very good advice maxgran. But its so hard not to hug them! They are so gorgeous.

I agree with Baggy and Jangly,, but it is hurtful none the less. My just turned 3 year old stroppy,but occasionally adorable, grandson, very often doesn't want to talk to me or come near me, usually when I first arrive. I now don't push myself towards him, I acknowledge him, then ignore him, and then he eventually comes round. So Basing 23, don't be too effusive and try, outwardly at least, to grow a thicker skin!

Basing23,
Do you LIKE this grandson ? I ask that because we do not always bond with a grandchid and children can tell if you do not like them- however much you pretend that you do. ?
If that is not the case,. then I would suggest that if you are trying hard to make him like you - then stop. I found that when my grandkids were little I used to be all over them and hugging them and making a fuss - but my partner made no special effort to get their attention - and guess what ? They always wanted HIS attention and showered him with affection !

When I moaned to my partner that they preferred him to me he was pretty blunt and said 'No wonder,.. you won't leave them alone !'

If none of the above possible then perhaps he just doesn't like you !

Quite right baggy

jangly, yes. Thank you for saying that. Little grandchildren owe us nothing. I don't expect my GS to love me. If he does, when he's old enough, that's a bonus. In the meantime if I can relate to him in a happy way and increase his enjoyment of life, I am content.

little, not littler

sandra - they are children. Littler human beings. They are not put on this earth just to be nice to us. They have to develop and learn. There are loads of rewards in being a granny. In fact, I think it is probably the most rewarding phase of life. Of course there are going to be the downs. But the glow you get when you think of the grandkids is well worth it, and more.

I think you need to read the posts more carefully tbh.

After reading these comments about everyone's difficult GC I am beginning to dread becoming a 1st time Gran in November. Think I'd be very upset if I was treated like this.
Children today seem to be much more difficult from what I'm hearing here! Actually I shouldn't be surprised as I work in a boy's secondary school and most kids seem to think the world owes them a living. Fingers crossed our little one will be better than that

At the moment our grandson tells us "doesn't like" his other grandparents because they've fallen out over some quite trivial incident. As granmouse says- just being prevented from playing a computer game can do it. Usually it passes quite quickly but I suppose it could become a vicious circle where the child is aggrieved & so behaves badly, gets told off and is aggrieved again.
Has his mum ever had a quiet talk with him to try & find out why he does it? It may just be a misunderstanding. I would try & ignore it as far as you can and it will pass in time. Perhaps having started this behaviour he is finding it hard to back down?
Easy for me to say because I know that I feel very hurt when my grandchildren are "off" with me. I then tend to make things worse by pestering them to find out what is wrong. I would do better to give them a bit of space.
It is funny how roles have reversed. We worry about whether our grandchildren like us, yet as a child I looked for approval from the adults.

I am sure this is a phase, maybe he is feeling very insecure for some reason. Just carry on being loving and looking delighted when you see him .I am sure he will come round.
R emember the phases our own children went through.

My senior GD went through the surly teenager 'phase' and is now a friendly and loving young woman. They have plenty of phases on the way to and through adolescence but the trouble is that adolescence seems to begin about 4 these days!

Even now, with the 9 year old, I am just as likely to get a friendly karate chop on the shoulder as I am to get a kiss from him at bedtime. Kids eh!

Yes, I get some "cupboard love" from my 4 year old gs. When we are out as a family and I feel his little hand slip into mine, I know we are approaching a toy shop! Its the only time he will willingly hold my hand!

I think you have to hold on to the "its a phase" thought. Remember what they were like when they were really tiny and comfort yourself that that is basically "them" and they they will come back to being sweet and loving again.