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6 year old grandson doesnt like me - Help please

(34 Posts)
Basing23 Fri 24-Jun-11 17:30:25

Hello - first time writer!!

I would appreciate some advice please. I have tried everything i know -

I am fine with my other grandchildren but this 6 year old does not like me - He is very rude to me if he speaks to me but most of the time he would rather ignore me - He does not say hello or goodbye to me - I do say it to him every time and try very hard not to take any of this to heart. Actually i feel ridiculous that I am letting a 6 year old child get to me
I cannot think of anything i have done to alienate him - he has the same treats etc - he is not the youngest or the oldest of my grandchildren -

I find it hard to handle him - he puts his hands over his ears if we are out and I ask him to wait for me to cross the road etc.,

His parents do admonish him and i feel now that he dislikes me more because he has been told not to be so rude to me - if he really gets into big trouble then he is p[leasant to me in front of them - he is never loving though and it has been like this since he was 3

I really would appreciate some help !

Best wishes to everyone

jangly Fri 24-Jun-11 17:45:19

Oh, that must be very hurtful.
I think this a stage a lot of children go through. They worship Mum and Dad, and heaven help anyone who they think is trying to take their place in even the smallest way.
He will come out of this when he gets older. My older grandson was a bit like this. He is 9 now and, although I know he has always loved me, he has behaved in just the way you describe. He has just, in the last few months, turned the corner and now is much more open and loving.
I don't think there is anything, really, you can do. Just carry on letting him know that you love him, without stressing it too much. Don't insist on a kiss goodbye or at bedtime. Just be casually nice to him. And wait for him to grow out of it.
Of course, so far as holding your hand when you are, that is quite a different matter. And he musn't be allowed to be rude to you. Both those things call for firm talking to by Mum and Dad.

jangly Fri 24-Jun-11 17:46:24

I meant "when you are out". Sorry - typo.

Basing23 Fri 24-Jun-11 18:04:52

oh thanks for that Jangly - its always a relief to know that I am not the only one struggling with something - will wait patiently till he's 9 then!!

JessM Fri 24-Jun-11 18:49:36

Ouch! My GD was pretty grumpy with me when she was 3 and her baby brother arrived. I was the person who took her off to nursery.
Sometimes she yelled at me things like "Don't talk to me!" from back of car. Is there something in his life at the moment that is bothering him - grandmothers can be a useful "punchbag" if there is maybe someone else they can't take it out on?
You have not said how long this has been going on.

Annobel Sat 25-Jun-11 09:43:19

One of my GSs, almost 6, started to behave this way before Christmas last year whereas he had been very amenable when I was drafted in for child care last summer. I put it down to the excitement of the approaching festivities, but he is still a bit 'difficult'. The problem is that little brother has started to copy him. I am inclined to suspect undesirable peer-group influence at school. Perhaps you could look into this, Basing.

Grandmacool Sat 25-Jun-11 13:16:09

My grandson is 4yo and sometimes doesn`t say anything when he comes to my house, but goes straight into the cupboard where the goodies are, I told him if he wants something he has to ask and if he plays up he gets nothing, and then I ignore him. He comes around and talks to me then, the best thing is to ignore them as much as possible when they are like that.

granmouse Sat 25-Jun-11 13:41:23

Basing I have exactly the same problem with one of mine-his sister told me 'xxxx doesnt like you' when I asked him which cereal he wanted for breakfast!I looked across at him and he grinned and said,'Well no actually I dont like you very much at all!!'.I was horrified as I have always treated my 9 dgc equally.This happened about 18 months ago when he was 6 and a half and he was quite difficult with me for about a year then there was a sudden change,no explanation, and now he is sweet and loving.I gather from his mum it stemmed from him being told not to play on Wii game while we were there for a short visit.We didnt know that but ir obviously really rankled with him.

harrigran Sat 25-Jun-11 19:48:08

Think you have hit the nail on the head granmouse. My DGC are not allowed videos on while we are visiting, so have been asked "are you going home now "?

jangly Sun 26-Jun-11 10:46:02

Yes, I get some "cupboard love" from my 4 year old gs. When we are out as a family and I feel his little hand slip into mine, I know we are approaching a toy shop! grin Its the only time he will willingly hold my hand!

I think you have to hold on to the "its a phase" thought. Remember what they were like when they were really tiny and comfort yourself that that is basically "them" and they they will come back to being sweet and loving again.

jangly Sun 26-Jun-11 10:48:16

Even now, with the 9 year old, I am just as likely to get a friendly karate chop on the shoulder as I am to get a kiss from him at bedtime. Kids eh!

Annobel Sun 26-Jun-11 13:30:35

My senior GD went through the surly teenager 'phase' and is now a friendly and loving young woman. They have plenty of phases on the way to and through adolescence but the trouble is that adolescence seems to begin about 4 these days!

nannan Sun 26-Jun-11 15:23:03

I am sure this is a phase, maybe he is feeling very insecure for some reason. Just carry on being loving and looking delighted when you see him .I am sure he will come round.
R emember the phases our own children went through.

Magsie Mon 27-Jun-11 09:06:06

At the moment our grandson tells us "doesn't like" his other grandparents because they've fallen out over some quite trivial incident. As granmouse says- just being prevented from playing a computer game can do it. Usually it passes quite quickly but I suppose it could become a vicious circle where the child is aggrieved & so behaves badly, gets told off and is aggrieved again.
Has his mum ever had a quiet talk with him to try & find out why he does it? It may just be a misunderstanding. I would try & ignore it as far as you can and it will pass in time. Perhaps having started this behaviour he is finding it hard to back down?
Easy for me to say because I know that I feel very hurt when my grandchildren are "off" with me. I then tend to make things worse by pestering them to find out what is wrong. I would do better to give them a bit of space.
It is funny how roles have reversed. We worry about whether our grandchildren like us, yet as a child I looked for approval from the adults.

sandra Tue 28-Jun-11 12:08:37

After reading these comments about everyone's difficult GC I am beginning to dread becoming a 1st time Gran in November. Think I'd be very upset if I was treated like this.
Children today seem to be much more difficult from what I'm hearing here! Actually I shouldn't be surprised as I work in a boy's secondary school and most kids seem to think the world owes them a living. Fingers crossed our little one will be better than that sad

jangly Tue 28-Jun-11 12:18:54

sandra - they are children. Littler human beings. They are not put on this earth just to be nice to us. They have to develop and learn. There are loads of rewards in being a granny. In fact, I think it is probably the most rewarding phase of life. Of course there are going to be the downs. But the glow you get when you think of the grandkids is well worth it, and more.

I think you need to read the posts more carefully tbh.

jangly Tue 28-Jun-11 12:19:14

little, not littler

baggythecrust! Tue 28-Jun-11 12:42:08

jangly, yes. Thank you for saying that. Little grandchildren owe us nothing. I don't expect my GS to love me. If he does, when he's old enough, that's a bonus. In the meantime if I can relate to him in a happy way and increase his enjoyment of life, I am content.

jangly Tue 28-Jun-11 12:56:39

Quite right baggy smile

maxgran Tue 28-Jun-11 14:04:33

Do you LIKE this grandson ? I ask that because we do not always bond with a grandchid and children can tell if you do not like them- however much you pretend that you do. ?
If that is not the case,. then I would suggest that if you are trying hard to make him like you - then stop. I found that when my grandkids were little I used to be all over them and hugging them and making a fuss - but my partner made no special effort to get their attention - and guess what ? They always wanted HIS attention and showered him with affection !

When I moaned to my partner that they preferred him to me he was pretty blunt and said 'No wonder,.. you won't leave them alone !'

If none of the above possible then perhaps he just doesn't like you !

GoldenGran Tue 28-Jun-11 14:19:41

I agree with Baggy and Jangly,, but it is hurtful none the less. My just turned 3 year old stroppy,but occasionally adorable, grandson, very often doesn't want to talk to me or come near me, usually when I first arrive. I now don't push myself towards him, I acknowledge him, then ignore him, and then he eventually comes round. So Basing 23, don't be too effusive and try, outwardly at least, to grow a thicker skin!

jangly Tue 28-Jun-11 17:26:22

I think that is very good advice maxgran. But its so hard not to hug them! They are so gorgeous. grin

GrandmaAnge Tue 28-Jun-11 19:06:09

Dealing with children as a grandparent feels like tunnelling around them sometimes. When my eldest grandson was six he too decided he didn't like me and it was very tempting to overdo it in every way to "win back" his affection.
Instead, I didn't make any fuss at all of him - if anything I was a little cool in comparison to his brothers and sister - and generally ignored anything unpleasant he said. However, if there was a special treat to be given, he understood he was not automatically first in the queue because "like"can work both ways.
It was very hard to keep a cool head, not grab him in a big hug or even constantly defer to him, but I kept it up. After a couple of weeks, I noticed a distinct thawing on his part and that he was the one making the moves to ask questions, volunteer for things, tell jokes or generally try for the limelight.
This may not work for everyone, but it worked for me. Interestingly, his twin sister observed the interaction - or lack of it - and was, unusually, critical of him. The temptation for me was to feel hurt and/or emotional when, really, they are still just children and we are the adults and we need to show them that actions have consequences.

helshea Tue 28-Jun-11 20:13:37

Just think back at when your children where young, how many of us can actually say hand on heart that their kids never once said, "I hate you" or "You are horrible" and did they mean it? no did they heck! so don't worry about it! I know it's easier said than done, but just try.

nanapug Tue 28-Jun-11 22:23:19

I totally agree with the way you have treated your situation GrandmaAnge and I would advise Basing23 to do the same. My GS said he didn't like my husband, when he was about four, but my husband ignored it and like GrandmaAnge was quite cool and not over attentive. My GS now says he loves him but that he remembers not liking him!! I personally would find it hard to do but it's important I think. Be cool! Hope it goes well for you Basing23.