Stricter parenting

I've re-read all these comments and they've made me feel a little better. When I was baby-sitting this afternoon, GS (age 2 1/2) was in stroppy mode and throwing toys around. I told him to be careful - told him,firmly, to STOP IT - warned him -Don't throw that, you'll hurt the baby (age 1). 3 warnings!! He then grinned, aimed and lobbed a hard plastic car at the baby. I smacked his leg, felt instantly guilty and waited to see the reaction. He picked up the car, put it in its box, wandered around the room (lip wobbling) then came over and said sorry to me and to the baby. He was forgiven instantly and assured that the baby was ok. Could I have handled it better? I have to admit that the smack was more of a reaction than a considered response!

No thank you ! what ? No thank you is I don't want a cup of tea/sweet/biscuit not the right reaction to a child walloping his sibling

From day one at school, my father gave strict instructions to my teacher to discipline me whenever I broke any rule, no matter how seemingly insignificant. My father welcomed the local policeman into our home in order that he should give me a right royal verbal lambasting for trespassing into a derelict cottage - I was eight at the time. During my teenage years, I was told in no uncertain terms to be home at a given hour. If I disobeyed, he came looking for me and would scold me in front of my friends. My father was consistently firm and fair...and, without a doubt, he loved me.

I agree, em. Those are brave parents. My father always said that if he caught any of us using illegal drugs or, even worse, pushing them, he'd report us to the police instantly. He meant it. Good for him.

Can't we sympathise a little with those few parents who were so horrified at their child's behaviour that they marched them along to police station/court.
What a hideous position to find yourself in! Yes the teenagers were responsible for their own behaviour but at least these parents are acknowledging their role in the situation.

We have just seen in the last week where slack parenting leads! This isn't the only reason for the riots of course, but it certainly helped! 10 years old in court? Sorry but the parents should be in court, and given the sentence!

I have noticed that often it is the meek mothers who would not say boo to a goose who are secretly proud of their bolshie little thugs. Rebellion by proxy?

Sometimes I think parents are actually proud when their offspring are "strong-willed" little blighters darlings. Why else would they put up with nonsense?

Good comments, all.

My daughters are much better mothers than I was to them - much more attentive and, generally, no more willing to accept bad behaviour. But... my younger daughter has a very intelligent younger son, who can be hard to manage. He screams and fights as long as it takes to get his own way, and my daughter and her husband keep trying to negotiate/persuade him, without any success whatsoever.

It amazes me that they keep on trying the same tactics that clearly do not work, when there are plenty of other options that they could use. My daughter says that her son is "very strong willed". That's for sure, but he could not be stronger willed than an adult determined to ensure compliance!

I certainly cannot give any advice - it wouldn't be welcome, but I have demonstrated on a number of occasions whilst dealing with him that ignoring him and/or distracting him tends to work. I wish that they would take the hint!

My grandson is just sixteen months old and a proper little charmer. However, from time to time he tests his parents, in the form of a well directed slap. My daughter in law tells him in no uncertain terms to go the "naughty corner" because no-one's laughing. He does as she says [lips all a quiver and eyes downcast] - after a minute or so he's welcomed back with a big warm hug and a smile. Even at that young age he's well aware that his actions have caused displeasure. I raise my hat to my three sons, their wives and our seven super grandchildren. They make me proud to be a granny.

WELL said Baggy...

One thing that makes me cringe is the parent who makes a threat along the lines of 'if you do that again I'll.....' and doesn't carry it out when the little darling tests her once more. Now that is certainly storing up trouble! Don't make threats if you can't carry them out! My children learned the hard way that I meant what I said and I'm pleased to say they're happy for me to look after their children so I can't be all bad .

I agree, maxgran. A lot of parents don't seem to want to earntheir children's respect, only their 'liking'. Pish. Liking comes second — it does come though. It's perfectl easy to give kids enough free expression for their needs as well as disciplining them.

It irritates me that parents today, mothers in particular would rather assume there is something 'wrong' with their child than look at themselves.

You get mothers 'negotiating' with toddlers or thinking that shouting at children is discipline !
I suggested to one mum on Mumsnet that she needed to take control of her child and I got accused of being a monster and a dictator because apparently these days you shouldn't 'control' children - they need free expression !!
They all seemed to assume taking control was bullying ! They also seem afraid that their children won't 'like them'

Children need to feel secure and know they have someone in charge so they feel safe - even if they protest !
I love the Supernanny program on TV. She is firm and in control and children love her !

Oh I know this scenario - my grandson had far too much last year and became very badly behaved. i have told my daughter that we arent going to buyu him any more toys but rather pay for something like a good day out. She didnt like it!!!!

One of my friends has a granddaughter who received so many Christmas presents that she became overcome with excitement and she was almost hysterical. To avoid the same problem the following year, they limited her opening of presents, putting some away for another time. She was still being given presents to open the following April. My friend said she felt it was obscene, the amount of toys this 7-year-old was given.

Elegran As soon as October arrives the television adverts will begin the countdown to Christmas and the never ending "hurry, hurry, hurry" to spend money that a number of parents can ill afford on "stuff" that numerous children will soon grow tired of. I call it SAD...

And parents who can't afford things seem to feel obliged to get into debt to buy them.

In all fairness to younger parents, it was easier to practice saying NO when my children were young, as we couldn't afford to buy much. Now, if parents can afford what their child want, they feel mean saying NO, so when discipline is concerned, they can't use the word!

greenmossgiel That sounds like my own childhood. I received a few smacks from my mother for being really deliberately bad, but I only remember one from my father. I was not - definitely not - allowed to play on the top of the Anderson shelter near the back gate because a) it had taken him a long time to pile up the earth over it and he did not want it all knocked down , and b) I could break a leg if I fell off onto the concrete steps. I knew all this perfectly well and complied. Then a couple of friends came in to play who were allowed to use theirs as a slide, so they slid down ours too. I happily joined in this jolly game until the gate opened and in came father. He said not a word, just gave me one swipe and walked on into the house. That was about 65 years ago.

Thank you for your kind thoughts I am Ok really but I do know what a happy childhood means to a persons development. However I dont approve of lax parenting and I do think its perfectly possible to balance loving parenting with a good structure. I think we all worry how todays children will turn out

I was brought up with love but with definite boundaries that I knew I must not cross. Occasionally there would be a quick smack if I stepped out of line badly, but this didn't happen often. When I had my own children, I was quite strict with them. My eldest daughter has a daughter of almost 12. She's been very difficult to bring up, and I think this is mainly because too many choices were given. My daughter also didn't do much of her own parenting, returning to work very quickly after the birth and leaving the parenting to her sister and then a childminder. My son-in-law had had sons to a previous marriage, but they're now in their 20's. I feel that my granddaughter didn't know what boundaries she had. Her behaviour was terrible at times, having screaming tantrums right up until the last couple of years. This never did happen when she stayed with me, though it did when she stayed with her other grandma. One day when she was about 9, I was taking her and another little girl out in the car. She said to the other little girl, "You must sit very still and make sure that you don't touch your seatbelt buckle. This is a VERY STRICT GRANDMA!" We have a really good relationship, but she knows where she is with me!

Clear, consistent boundaries and lots of affection in the right balance. When children understand you mean what you say and will carry through consequences for bad behaviour, such as time out or removal of certain privileges, they know what to expect if they misbehave. I have found that distraction from unruly behaviour works with very young children and lots of positive reinforcement of good behaviour, with an explanation of what they are doing well so it can be repeated, is helpful. Don't offer choices unless you are going to be ok with the answer!

sasiejane Bet they would be proud to know our grandchildren

It depends how often a smack is used, and how hard it is. Cats of all sizes cuff their offspring with claws retracted when they misbehave, giving them a reprimand without beating them up.

I have tried three times to post describing how we used to discipline our three. Each time I have run into a timeout and lost my carefully crafted message - I don't want to sound a cruel mother like susiecbs. When I have cooled down I shall try again, saving at intervals so I don't have compose the dratted thing yet again.

TTFN