Cut out of their lives

Dear POGS - you sound like a lovely person and thank you for your support and thought - I did send my son the gransnet link and asked him just to look but standing in his shoes - he doesn't want anyone or anything to reinforce the grief he is causing - I say to my husband and dear other son that he must be doing whatever he can to placate his wife because his children are babies. Any other course could result in him not seeing them every day, putting them to bed, being around for their tiny milestones. In his shoes, what would I do. Maybe I'm completely biased but that is all that keeps me going just now. If only I could see him, and talk but I guess he dare not weaken.

petallus , Got the message it just takes me a long time to type.

Thanks glassortwo I did mean to her son. It's a little trivial of me to mention my past problem with a friend. We had a fall out and I did write to her telling her how sad I was. 12 years later we are still good friends and it could have been very different if I had not bit the bullet. Having said that my problem was nothing like the relationship between a mother and a son and I fully respect how difficult and trite my opinion could be to Nanban.

glassortwo thanks, you are right. Misread the post.

I think pogs meant the OP, not the posts that followed.
Nan

If Nanban printed out our comments and posted them on to son it would make matters ten times worse in my opinion.

Nanban, I think by now you have gathered your words touched us all. Have you ever written them down and posted them to your son? 25 pages on and we are still posting our messages because they were so powerful. My heart goes out to you.

Nanban - I have tried to get news of my grandchildren from the one sibling who still maintains contact, but she just says she doesn't want to get involved. I haven't had an argument with my daughter - she just turned on me once I was no longer useful to her,but it was obvious from her two letters that she had harboured resentment and jealousy of her sister for most of her life.
I feel it is very wrong of her to deny her children a relationship with the only grandparent they have - it she continues to abuse codeine they may well need my support some day. They are all adults now, but none of them has given me any reason for blocking me completely - I can only assume that they do not want to upset their mother as she is still supporting them all financially.
I do wonder if some day they will turn on their mother (perhaps when all her damages are spent, which can't be far off) and she will perhaps begin to understand how her cruelty and injustice have made me feel.

Your cousin isn't very tactful, to say the least. I can see why this latest incident has knocked you back. So sorry.

Oh Nanban you are not wicked at all, just human and dealing with wicked people. Don't ever judge yourself harshly, you cannot understand such people's motives because you are not like them. I am so sad for all that you are going through and for everything your grandchildren are missing. I hope and pray there will be an end to this for you and all the other grandparents in similar situations

Nanban Cruel! Heartless!...the rest is unprintable I am so very sad for you. I wish that I could pop by and give you the opportunity to let off steam - big time. With love x

Nanban it is very painful and I'm sad for your loss. Like Greatnan I've found that I've had to learn to let go without ever giving up hope that the future might bring better things. I wish you peace.

Nanban (((hugs))) and seem pretty feeble in the face of your distress, but they are sent with love. And here's a virtual hand to hold too.

My cousin telephoned to say she and her daughter had been sitting looking at all the pics of our grandchildren [the baby we have never seen and have no clue what she may look like, and the other we last saw 2 years ago] on Facebook and how sad it made her. We are blocked from viewing his Facebook - what did he have to say, could you send us a copy of the pic - apparently she 'didn't like to read what he was saying', and now her daughter has gone home she can't get any pics, but she'll try and remember for next time. No words can express what that did, what pain that caused. Is it completely wicked to wish someone else to have to stand in my shoes so that I can respond in the same way.

seven that's yet another success story and there is some clear momentum starting to show. Persistence and determination to do right by children/grandchildren is paying off, and I hope we hear more stories like this.

gilly I'm sorry to hear you have been enduring this sadness for so long. It's generous of you to have empathy for others in this situation

Have been really helped by reading about all these experiences, very like my own sadly. I find it really hard to even talk about my relationship with my son, which broke down completely when he married 22yrs ago. Keep strong Nanban and everyone who has this awful experience to cope with.

Seventimesfive Gransnet is richer for people such as you...

seven - I can't think of anything more to say than _ I'm delighted - !

This thread has brought back to me how awful last year was for my youngest daughter and her son. I joined Gransnet out of desperation and although I do not post as often as some others, I have found it an invaluable source of comfort, good advice and laughter. Thankfully, after many court appearances and nearly all my savings, she was able to secure my GS's sole residency in this country. Briefly, the situation was that her partner, who was a rich ex city boy, had abused her emotionally and financially over a period of 10 years during which they were living in London and Australia. On their return 4 years ago he moved to Dubai, his business in Australia having ended abruptly, and my daughter stayed in London and I moved to be nearer to her.

He made efforts to get the boy to live with him but my daughter thank goodness recognised the danger this presented in that UAE is not part of the Haigh Convention and it would have proved well nigh impossible to get him back. It was one of the worst years of my life but thankfully because of her determination and finally finding a solicitor and barrister and a good judge who were able to see through the lies and arrogance which he showed in court, the situation has now settled down at least for the time being. She has to constantly be on her guard against his manipulation and attempts to flaunt court orders but my grandson who is 8, and was becoming disturbed by the situation, has now become more confident and is happy and achieving at school. My daughter is now half way through an OU degree and I am sleeping properly again.
I'm telling you all this, as I have been moved to tears by this thread and send all my best wishes to those of you are suffering as I did last year. Please do keep posting as there as so many wise and strong women here. to you all.

Gilly thinking of you today. (((hugs)))

Nanban lovely message

Life is tough in so many ways just because it is, and still those we love inflict the greatest grief - what to do, grieve, be sad, cry and hope, always hope. You are all such lovely people it must come right, surely it must. These awful things happen from nothing, they will pass in the same way too.

Hugs to all of you who are suffering such sadness.

nanachrissy - thinking about you. xx

Gilly - we're all here for you to talk to. It's all been said, I know, but whatever you say will stay with us, and cannot be passed on to anyone else. It'll help to unburden yourself when you're ready. I've had so much comfort and support from those on Gransnet. I would have been lost without them.