Cut out of their lives

Letter from MP today, he has written to children's minister.
petal539 well done for making a start on Spanish. Did you enjoy it?
I hope you will continue as an investment re. future grandchildren.
Do you have any contact with your DIL's parents? Do they speak any English? They are probably sitting in Spain fretting that their daughter lives in UK and if they have grandchildren it will be so far...
Any chance you could form alliance?

OK ...I'll 'watch this space'!! But I will let you know what happens, as I realise how important this is for everyone.

I wouldn't assume that Jacey. It depends what admin support your MP has. All mine have been sent electronically, and I always get a full reply back in due course.

Well I did it electronically ...so would have expected at least an acknowledgement!!

Perhaps he thinks my vote doesn't count!!

I have found it takes a couple of weeks or so before I get a response, because my MP will write to the relevant minister, and then enclose a copy of the reply in his letter back to me.

I got an immediate acknowledgement from my MP and if he is true to form he will reply when he has had a response from a relevant minister.

Well JessM and Adriana I also contacted my MP re the review of access to children by fathers/grandparents.
He and/or his office have had a working day and a half to at least acknowledge receipt of my contact.

I'll let you guess what I've received!!

Jess - I studied Spanish for 18 months and got no encouragement or interest...she's very career orientated and so I don't see her or my son often at all - they both have high powered jobs. There's a lot more I could tell you which has led me to feel apprehensive. I still hope things will change for the better but I do feel totally redundant.

chadsky at last it seems the process is taking off. I echo all the advice and supportive words you have had on here. I would also add that it may be a good idea to keep a careful log/ diary of events so that when you are interviewed for reports and when the case comes to Court you can be very clear about the sequence of events and the information you have been given. I am keeping everything crossed for you

Our thoughts are with you chadsky - sounds like that professional was giving you a coded message that it is worth keeping on pushing.

Thank you all for yoour wishes and your support - we will need all we can get. petal, JessM is right - don't look for trouble, its bad enough when it does come knocking. I would never have envisaged what I am going through at the moment, in my wildest dreams. but its here and I have to fight for the sake of my grandaughter, and our family.

petal don't meet trouble until it comes knocking at your door. She is obviously very family centred which is a good thing. Of course she does not need anything from you at the moment. What might young married women want from MIL?
Just work at trying to build your relationship with her. Maybe she would like to think you need something from her. Maybe you could, for instance, start learning spanish, as if you have grandchildren they will hopefully bilingual. That is something she could encourage you with.

Hi Petal539. Wouldn't you expect a teacher to be aware of children's needs to place themselves within their family circle and that their sense of safty and happiness comes from knowing who they are and how much they are loved by all their grandparents? I wonder whether her relationship with you would develop with the arrival of a child as you would have more in common. Have you met her parents? They also might be the people who who encourage that bond being developed when they have a child. I always think that, if you have any sense of the great love that grandparents can share with their grandchildren, you want that for them with their other grandparents, too, so maybe they will feel like that?

One of the greatest pleasures I have had this week has been to see my twin grandaughters being wrapped up warm to go out for a walk in their new pram with my daughter's MIL, who took them out to show off to the neighbours and her friends at school. I feel no jealousy, just happiness at them being surrounded by so many loving relatives. I hope that is how it works out for you.

My problem is somewhat different. My son has married a Spanish girl who is so close to her parents that she visits them at all major holidays (she is a teacher so these holidays are extended). She is funny and intelligent, but to be honest she needs absolutely nothing from me and it shows. I fear that, if and when she and my son have a child, I will hardly ever get to see it and certainly don't expect to have it with me for Christmas or a holiday here... If my son gets sent away on duty with the RAF for any lengthy period of time, she is likely to de-camp to Spain then too. It almost makes me dread them having a baby as I know its going to cause a lot of heartache for me. I have not said that to my son (obviously) -I have said I feel I have nothing that DIL needs and whilst he was sympathetic, and makes an effort to call me regularly, etc., I feel nothing much will change.

chadsky keep up the momentum and don't forget to ask for the most you want, don't settle for the least. They need to know how committed you are and you are showing your determination and ability to advocate for your grandaughter by jumping through these unexpected hoops. We are all cheering you on

had a holding response from my MP. See below. Of course he has the wrong end of the stick to some extent, sigh. BTW I referred to us in my letter as "the influential social network"...

Thank you for contacting me about the Gransnet social network and the right of grandparents to keep contact with their grandchildren.

I would be happy to make representation to the Children’s Minister, Tim Loughton MP, as per your request. Please bear with me whilst I do so, and I will be happy to make any response I receive available to you.

Thank you again for writing to me.

chadsky Have you looked at the following website www.thecustodyminefield.com under Special Guardianship Order where the procedure is set out very clearly?

chadsky maybe the guardian is telling you to read between the lines and apply for the SGO and is not able to directly tell you that you would be successful in case she is seen not to be unbiased in her findings,seems things are moving a bit for you so just keep looking at that open door as it has not been closed.Lots of heartfelt thoughts to you.

chadsky Forgot to say that the clerk to the court was also helpful in telling her which forms etc she needed to submit. You can sometimes get a free hours consultation with some solicitors, who could got through the process with you perhaps. If I think of anything else I'll let you know but I'm sure there will be plenty of others who will be able to advise and support you here.

chadsky The door is open, if only a little. Reading your post it seems to me that the guardian is encouraging you to pursue the SGO. I hope I am not stating the obvious when I say that it may be a good idea to go with someone else for any interviews and to take notes and to check back that you have understood what they are saying. When the situation is so stressful it it often difficult to remember clearly what has been said.
My daughter went through a very difficult relationship breakdown last year which ended up in court. She had to go to court on four or five occasions and had several judges who were helpful. With the costs of litigation being so high, fewer and fewer people are able to afford representation and judges now have a duty to ensure that assistance is given to people to present their cases in family proceedings.
My best wishes to you and your family. Keep in touch here as you will find lots of wise and helpful women.

Chadsky (((hugs))) Thinking of you.

chad keep strong the door is not closed

Ok all an update, I feel very fragile at the moment - as my emotions are all over the place, unfortunatley not for good reasons.
The guardian, payed us a visit last evening - and went thorough some of the reasons we did not get approved as foster carers for my grandaughter. and we discussed these areas - she said she had some issues with the report of the asseor - she felt there were some area's he did not cover.but as she also said - this has been going on a long time now,(not entirely our fault in our view) . and that if we were going to do something it had to be fast - she also said we did not need to have a solicitor, we could do the litigation ourselves - and although that sounds scary - the cost of the solicitor could be even worse. so far it has cost £350 just for a couple of 45m visits to his office 1 letter and 2 calls - so as she said with fees like that it could cost an awful lot of money
She left with a promise to call my grandaughters solicitor - to see what she could suggest. I had a phone call from her this morning to say, that the suggestion from my grandaughters solicitor was to apply for a SGO ourselves - I have done a letter to notify the Social services and hubby will deliver it to the office in person tomorrow. So I have gone from crying all night - going to work ( and then having to come home) - to again a glimmer of hope - although not as bright this time - and as for the Social worker - I guess his intrepretation of not opposing me and mine differ widley - that all I can say.
The guardian said this morning that the door had not closed completely - I don't know what to deduce from that. but at least I have stopped crying, for now anyway.

I hope so!

Sounds promising aria