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Cut out of their lives

(1201 Posts)
Nanban Mon 01-Aug-11 13:54:48

I would like a day ….

I would like a day when waking up isn’t realizing it’s another day I haven’t talked to my son.

I would like a day not waking up to tears.

I would like a day when I’m not missing Harry doing something new.

I would like a purely happy day.

I would like a day when we don’t wonder when it will all end.

I would like a day when we don’t wonder how it will all end.

I would like a day looking forward to seeing my boy, touching him.

I would like a day when his wife calls for a chat.

I would like a day when we share time with Harry in our home.

I would like a day just like every other grandmother.

I would like a day when I don’t miss my son.

I would like a day looking forward to tomorrow.

I would like a day that doesn’t end in tears.

I would like any day but today.

Ariadne Wed 08-Feb-12 13:44:57

Very speedy response from my MP, Tracy Crouch:

"I recognise the vital role that grandparents have in the development of a child and, as someone with fond memories of my own grandparents while I was growing up, I believe that it is in the best interests of children to have grandparents in their lives. After reading some of the heartbreaking stories which you provided a link to, it is clear that this is not the case in many families however and Gransnet provides invaluable support for those in that position.

I believe that Gransnet is a fantastic resource for grandparents and, if invited, would be happy to take part in a web hat. I have also started following the Gransnet Twitter feed."

She has a reputation for following through, too. I met her when I lobbying Westmincer as a Cancer Research UK Ambassador and was impressed.

JessM Wed 08-Feb-12 13:39:42

I think you will probably get a longer response... I usually do. let us know.

glassortwo Wed 08-Feb-12 13:21:14

I have just had email from my MP this was his reply:-

'I will look into this and see if there is anything I can do to pursue with government.'

so he has at least read my letter.

chadsky Tue 07-Feb-12 01:49:34

Butternut you are right in some cases it is that some grandparents do have there own agenda - which is not right - so mediators should be used, in my case I want to care for my grandaughter. and she is more improtant in this matter than anyone.
But I feel for Carol and Nanban and others who love and care for their grandchildren and are prevented due to divorce/seperation - for those of us who really care the anguish is awful.
The powers that be can keep trying to sideline us - but we are gaining in numbers we have a voice and a vote!

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 22:34:01

Thanks Maniac x

Maniac Mon 06-Feb-12 22:31:54

Carol
http://www.familylaw.co.uk/system/uploads/attachments/0003/9761/GovtResponse-FamilyJusticeReview.pdf
I was the person who posted about this report,
There is also a shorter version addressed to children and young people.I can give you that link also if you can't find.

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 20:33:47

Jess thanks but this doesn't bring up the 88 page report you referred to, just a BBC news page. Do you have a name for the report, please? x

JessM Mon 06-Feb-12 20:15:02

news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9693000/9693299.stm

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 18:49:49

Have you got a link for the report Jess? Can't locate it. Thanks.

em Mon 06-Feb-12 18:48:13

Thank you Carol. I just pray I don't need to get involved but as has been said elsewhere 'there but for the grace of God....'

Maniac Mon 06-Feb-12 18:43:40

Just whizzed through the 88!! pages of new Govt.report.
I don't hold out great hopes for contact of children with fathers/grandparents in the near future.but at least there is now more awareness and it may benefit children in a few years time.
There seems to be more hope for grandparents like chadskywho want to adopt.
Hope things go well.
thanks

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 14:54:54

Scottish law has been brought in line with English - family law and the Childrens Act both in accord.

em Mon 06-Feb-12 14:38:43

Have now written to my MP. Not particularly relevant in this context, but can anyone tell me if there significant differences north and south of the border when it comes to access?

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 13:14:46

Yes, I'll have everything crossed for you chadsky thanks

My sister and husband are coming for lunch this week so I'll get to know more. They haven't been able to come for quite some time, as they've always had a baby or two in tow, and contact arrangements to keep. They're baby-free now (although that won't last more than a day or so, as they have a new baby grandaughter, too)

JessM Mon 06-Feb-12 13:13:27

The proposed bill was discussed on Today prog. Didn't here all of it.

chadsky Mon 06-Feb-12 12:36:50

Carol that is fabulous news for the grandmother - it is so nice to hear of a good outcome - I live in hope ! We have a meeting with the guardian tomorrow so hopefully we can get her to see how much we care for, her and want only the best for her - which is surely to stay, with us where she will be loved protected and nurtured - but still be able to see, other members of her family - wish me luck !! I need it.

syberia Mon 06-Feb-12 10:51:06

Carol thanks

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 10:23:43

I can't stand the Daily Mail, but it was the only one I read this morning that explained it so comprehensively (darn it!).

Yes, last year was devastating for us when the whole thing about 'Grandparents' Rights' was kiboshed. They got the wrong end of the stick - we have always protested that it's the children's right to have that grandparent relationship maintained for their well-being. Yes, we grieve for them, but I would sacrifice my access to my grandson to know that he was reunited with his loving dad and had the freedom to choose to see his whole family, not just half of it.

Maniac Mon 06-Feb-12 10:04:21

Good news! but I'm sceptical about Daily Mail headlines We had a similar one about a year ago.-April 1st 2011!!
However I agree with JessM that now is the time - this week -for all of us to write to our MP.
Please emphasise that we are concerned about Children's Rights to have contact with grandparents and both parents.

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 09:05:46

Yes, I agree, too Butternut and Jess. The main issue for me and many others is that there should be consideration taken of the role of grandparents when assessing the needs of children in custody disputes, and that there should be an assumption of shared parenting, except where that is not safe for the child and mother.

Butternut Mon 06-Feb-12 08:32:45

I agree Jess. Any legislation needs careful attention.

I do think it important that grandparents have a right to access, in custody disputes, but not a blanket right. Independent mediators should be used in all cases. Unfortunately, not all grandparents have childrens' best interests at heart.

JessM Mon 06-Feb-12 08:21:10

Very interesting. Legislation obviously needs careful drafting.
Write to your MP this week Gransnetters. Every MP you write will contact the minister. Minister will not read them but will know what has come in e.g. "We have had x queries on subject of y this week minister and I have drafted this reply to the MPs."

Carol Mon 06-Feb-12 07:57:55

More progress! Children Act amendments. This article has appeared in today's Daily Mail:

Grandparents will get key role in family splits: Shake-up to ensure they keep in touch with youngsters
By James Chapman

Last updated at 12:09 AM on 6th February 2012

Grandparents should be able to maintain contact with their grandchildren after a family breakdown or divorce, ministers will say today as they unveil a huge shake-up in family law.

Parenting agreements between separating mothers and fathers will be amended to emphasise the important role grandparents play in children’s lives, Government sources said.

The Daily Mail revealed last week that the rights of fathers following a family breakdown are to be dramatically strengthened in the most radical changes since the 1989 Children Act.

Ministers argue grandparents should be able to continue to see their grandchildren following a family breakdown. Changes are being planned to the 1989 Children Act

The Act is to be rewritten to make courts protect the rights of millions of children from broken homes to have a ‘full and continuing relationship’ with both parents.

Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke will confirm the Government is to reject the central recommendation of a report on family justice, which concluded there should be no change in the law.

Justice Secretary Kenneth Clarke reveals the government is rejecting a report's recommendation

The move will be welcomed by fathers’ rights groups, who have argued for years that the family courts are biased in favour of mothers.

The Government’s response to the report, by former businessman and Whitehall mandarin David Norgrove, is also expected to set out proposals to recognise the role of grandparents.

Ministers have decided against creating a new legal right to access for grandparents following warnings it could dramatically complicate family disputes that end up in court – a decision likely to anger some campaigners.

But a Government source said guidance on parenting agreements between separating mothers and fathers would be amended to ensure that grandparents were included.

Ministers say many more custody and maintenance disputes should be settled using independent mediators, rather than in the adversarial family courts, and are to provide millions of pounds in extra funding for mediation.

A source said: ‘Children get a huge amount of love and support from grandparents. That’s why we will do what we can to ensure that grandparents can remain part of their grandchild’s life if their mum and dad separate.

Parent agreements are made between mother and father, usually with an independent mediation service. Government issues guidance on how they should be done and what we’re talking about is a change in that.

The Government is going to consider how parent agreements can be amended to help emphasise the need for other family members such as grandparents to be involved.’

Ministers say it is a scandal that there is ‘little or no’ recognition of the vital role grandparents play in society. Research suggests they are increasingly relied upon by parents for help with childcare and family finances, and by older children for advice and support.

Today, the Government will announce plans for a new ministerial working group to draw up details of the changes. Most significantly, ministers will rewrite the 1989 Children Act in a bid to remove any ‘legal bias’ in favour of either parent.

Fathers are not expected to get an automatic right of access written into law. But, except in cases where a child’s welfare can be shown to be at risk, courts will be placed under a duty to ensure children have an ‘equal right to a proper relationship with both parents’.

Ken Sanderson, of the group Families Need Fathers, described the decision as a ‘victory for children’.

But in an unusual move, Mr Norgrove said it was a matter of ‘regret’ that ministers were backing calls for children to be granted new rights to see both their parents in cases of separation.

He said there was a danger of repeating the experience of Australia, where the creation of a right to ‘shared parenting’ following separation led to long delays in sorting out custody disputes.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2096967/Grandparents-key-role-family-splits-Shake-ensure-touch-youngsters.html#ixzz1laOpQcLh

jeni Sun 05-Feb-12 22:00:11

That sounds a very good outcome!

Carol Sun 05-Feb-12 21:07:22

Just read first sentence above - I meant to be clear that I gather relatives ARE being considered more nowadays.

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