good luck Chadsky we are all on your side x
Backseat Driver, Former PM Tony Blair Reckons The Triple-Lock...
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I would like a day ….
I would like a day when waking up isn’t realizing it’s another day I haven’t talked to my son.
I would like a day not waking up to tears.
I would like a day when I’m not missing Harry doing something new.
I would like a purely happy day.
I would like a day when we don’t wonder when it will all end.
I would like a day when we don’t wonder how it will all end.
I would like a day looking forward to seeing my boy, touching him.
I would like a day when his wife calls for a chat.
I would like a day when we share time with Harry in our home.
I would like a day just like every other grandmother.
I would like a day when I don’t miss my son.
I would like a day looking forward to tomorrow.
I would like a day that doesn’t end in tears.
I would like any day but today.
good luck Chadsky we are all on your side x
chadsky things are gradually changing for the better. Keep going, we're all behind you wishing you well 
chadsky fingers crossed 
Wonderful that something has worked out well - completely lovely
chad that seems like a light at the end of the tunnel, fingers crossed for you.
chadsky - we're all rooting for you. 
chadsky I am so happy that things seem to be working out for you. I will keep everything crossed that it continues, but if the Social Worker is saying he will not oppose a Residence Order, and if the guardian is of the same mind, I cannot see how it will not be granted.
nightowl - thanks for your support - I know that social workers are human - it has just been awful - however an update for you all - Last week the evening before contact - the social worker called me - he had allowed my son to have contact with her - with me no problem - also said he would come as he needed to speak to me - he came late on just before the driver came to pick kimmie up - so we had our unscheduled meeting - I am afraid the floodgates opened - I have been holding this back for so long that I just wept solid for what seemed like ages - ( I know you all know that feeling) we talked I cried- and talked some more - and to cut a long story short - he said if I went for a residence order - he would not oppose me - so the glimmer just got brighter - we have a meeting with the guardian next week so I can just hope - thanks all for your support x
Greenmossgiel - ah no fear, i did that already! x
GM 
Nanban - why not try a dollop of starch on the boxer shorts before you iron the next lot.....
!
green I couldn't be more pleased for you. Much love x
Has anyone else done this - I sent the gransnet forum address to my absent son in hopes that he couldn't read it without compassion - but obviously he could - or maybe he somehow or other didn't get the message - well, obviously he didn't get 'the message' but you know what I mean.
nightowl, it was good to read your expert opinion about separated grandparents. We can be a mad bunch at times but we have a lot of stored up wisdom and experience among us and are always ready with help, support and advice when it's asked for. Also empathy and compassion. What's not to like? I'm sure you are going to fit right in!
Oh Greenmossgiel how completely lovely for you - me too, I fantasize about all the times and places he may just be there saying hello mum and that's all it would need to be. Just maybe us less demanding grannies make the easiest targets.
Me too, just finished the ironing - having spent a lifetime of not ironing underwear Himself has gone into boxer shorts that have to be ironed! Unbelievable.
Nanban, please don't give up hope. I despaired at my daughter ever speaking to me again, having estranged herself for 7 years. Oddly enough, while I was ironing this morning (tend not to do that unless absolutely necessary!) I remembered that this was one of the times when I used to do a bit of my grieving...as I was quietly standing in the room overlooking the road where she may just walk up and down to her own house. I thought the day would never, ever come when we'd be reconciled. It did come - and at a time when she was made a grandmother herself. The baby boy helped to heal the rift. My daughter will always be 'tetchy' with me, I think, though - she's moody at the best of times, and not just with me. However, I've learned not to push myself onto her and into her life. I'm just so very grateful to have her back in mine.
I've been away for a bit and missed Chadsky's posts - I do so hope it works out for you, that would be lovely. We have recently had the death of a young relative and I hear his other grieve for the loss of her first born - up to now and even now she doesn't understand our grief at not seeing our son or grandchildren now for 2 years. I long and dream of the day when we say hello and yet it may never come.
Thank you all for your warm welcome. Having been a lurker for a while I had already worked out that you seemed a lovely crowd, and I am looking forward to lots of good times to come. Although I jumped into the deep end with my first post, my real aim in joining was just to meet some like minded friends and have some fun. Maniac it's very good of you to refer to my 'expert' opinion, I certainly wasn't trying to set myself up as anything special, just offering the benefit of many years of training. I know there are other Social Workers on Gransnset and lots of experts in many other fields. There is such a wealth of different skills and experience right here, we ought to be able to offer our services to those in power! (At a price of course)
I have been reading the other forums this evening, having a chuckle, and also gaining many tips. I have lots of questions and I'm sure I will soon be looking for advice from others.
Lovely to meet you all! 
Thanks to nightowl for her expert info.
I notice that on GN we sometimes have 2 or more threads on the same subject e.g.'Cut out of their Lives' and 'Denied Contact' and now 2 threads on 'Dementia' so sometimes comments may be missed,especially for new members.
Is there some way of signposting to other threads with the same subject matter?
Thank you, night owl - good to have you with us. I am learning all the time.
Good to meet you nightowl! What a wealth of knowledge and understanding we have amongst our Gransnetters. Second to none! 
nightowl it is so good to see you join in, we value all your help
and any other lurkers please join in, we dont bite. 
nightowl you did answer my question. Thank you
Faye, yes it is possible for a child in the UK to be adopted without their parents' permission, although the process is a very complex, long and drawn out one - hence the criticisms of the process where children are left waiting for permanence for months or years before the matter is resolved. Basically there are two ways a child can be placed for adoption; either with the parents consent or alternatively if the child is on a Full Care Order granted by the Court under the Children Act 1989. This applies in England and Wales; the law in Scotland is different (but from my limited knowledge, more family-friendly). The grounds for granting a Care Order are that the child is suffering or is at risk of suffering significant harm, and the onus is on the Local Authority to prove this 'on the balance of probabilities'. As you can imagine this can take a long time while evidence is gathered, assessments are carried out, reports are filed from Social Workers and expert witnesses, and Court hearings are scheduled. The Court will also appoint a 'Guardian ad Litem' (an independent Social Worker) whose role is to provide an independent assessment of the child' s best interests. The child also has independent legal representation. The child is usually in foster care while this is happening and there will be a series of Interim Care Orders granted. The Local Authority has to present its plan for the child as part of the proceedings, so it needs to be clear at this stage that the plan is to place the child for adoption. (Not all care proceedings will have the plan as adoption). Parents retain parental responsibility (a legal term which means they still have rights to make decisions for the child) and are parties to the proceedings. The Courts will always expect contact with parents to continue and will even dictate how frequent this should be. Grandparents are of course not automatically 'parties' in the proceedings and have no automatic rights.
Once a full Care Order has been made, the Local Authority then has to apply for a Placement Order which will allow them to 'place the child for adoption'. Contact with parents will continue but will be at the local Authority's discretion and will usually begin to reduce significantly, although an 'open adoption' will have the terms of future contact specified in the terms of the Placement Order.
Parents retain some rights unless and until an Adoption Order is made, although their rights are naturally limited by the fact that the child has been removed from their care by order of the Court.
For children who have been abused and where there is no possibility of a return to their families I agree that adoption can be an amazingly positive move and one which it is a privilege to be involved in as a worker. However, these children are sadly often so damaged (I hate referring to children as damaged but I can't think of another way to put it) that the task of finding appropriate adopters is well nigh impossible, and they can face the double disadvantage of having no sense of permanence coupled with the loss of contact with family members who may never be able to care for them but still love them dearly. I am not sure at what stage chadsky's granddaughter is but there is always hope that the process can be halted or diverted while the Court process is ongoing.
I hope I have answered your question Faye, probably a case of too much information!! You will know better than to ask again, once I start I find it hard to shut up!
Anyway, I am off to work now. My main job at the moment is working for the Social Work out of hours team, covering emergencies at nights and weekends, hence my username. However, the older I get I must confess to feeling less of a natural night owl than I used to be, and I would like nothing more than to be tucked up in bed with my book. Ah well, have to pay the bills....
A bit of healthy ambivalence is just the ticket nightowl. Nice to have you around to join our chats - there's some occasional madness, which has me laughing till I cry. Yes, the care system, looked after children, adoption - they all have their flaws and not many children go full pelt into adoption without bearing a few psychological scars. We all do our best, though, despite the systems we have worked in.
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