Cut out of their lives

Not quite sure about that Jess, but he did suggest I might like to have a granny flat. I decided I wasn't quite ready for that yet. Hope I was right!

Was there any hidden motive? An onsite babysitter or dog sitter? Less helping mum out with maintenance of her house? Or am I being unjust?
Did you ask him what was behind the suggestion annobel ?

Oh most definitely, Bags! I think we can all identify mistakes we may have made as parents, but if we knew they were mistakes at the time, we may not have made them. To be told by your adult child that you did make certain mistakes (that are far too late to rectify), does hurt, though. I once asked my adult daughter if she thought I'd been a good mother. She replied that I'd been 'strict'......she then went on to have her first child when she was 34. She discovered for herself that bringing up a child is no walk in the park!
I was a strict mum, I think. I know I was usually a really worried mum - there was never enough money to go round and I always felt as if I was the decision-maker for everything as I was the one who 'managed' everything. I did make mistakes though, and I've probably spent the rest of my life trying to make up for them! However, i don't even think my family have even noticed!

We are all a result of a combination of childhood experience and our innate traits..nurture and nature.. but at some point in our development we have to take responsibility for our own actions! We cannot continue to to blame our parents for everything unless something really terrible took place(abuse etc) which may be more difficult to work through.

No person is perfect , we all mess up and we should not feel guilty about being human! By the time children are becoming independent (18+?) they should know they have a choice in how they behave /respond and take responsibility.

My DDs are pals... we share ideas, help each other out etc and use each other to grumble about our OHs faults..then we can go home to them with the tension gone as we know they are useful on Tuesday evenings...it is bin day on Wednesday!!

Jess, I am sure that the suggestion of a granny flat was altruistic. The children are (almost) 8 and 9 and they don't really have trouble finding babysitters - DiL, a teacher, has a lot of sixth formers keen to oblige! I think he is conscious that I have had a few age-related ailments of late and would like to keep an eye on me. They really are a very nice couple!

All went well, other than the weather, but special time getting to know one another. Funny how a 99p windmill can keep a baby amused. He gave both my husband and I a long hard look as though he was 'clocking us' for future reference so connections made. Happy, healthy and thriving which is what is really important. A little ray of sunshine on an otherwise miserable day.

SJP glad you had a lovely time

Nothing quite like it, is there, SJP?

Ah, what a special day SJP. I'm so glad you've seen him and I hope there'll be many more times so that you can create that special grandparent/grandchild bond

crimson I feel terribly sad for your situation. If you do go hat in hand and apologise, will it always be expected of you to take the blame and forever walk on eggshells?

SJP how lovely to read that you were able to spend time with your grandson.

SJP - windmill great idea! Babies do remember people I swear. Both my GD and a niece used to react very differently to me, compared to their reaction to strangers, even after a long gap.
Annobel I 'm glad to hear it.

SJP the babies make it all worth while glad it went well.

SJP - Just lovely to hear of your special time.

ej - Quite agree.

That's lovely SJP - fills your heart with joy, doesn't it!

Nanaej - you are so right in what you say - we are the sum of our our imperfections but hopefully in time we learn from them. The thing about being a parent is that you try to do the best you can in the circumstances at the time and in hindsight we all may have done things differently. Adult children have choices and once made they are responsible for the outcomes good or bad and blaming others when things go wrong is often an easier option than working it through. Similarly I have the same options - for me I like to sleep at night knowing I have done the best I can, whilst willing to acknowledge and apologise when I have made mistakes. You can do no more.

SJP ...I'm smiling for you. Windmills and bubbles...great fun! and Nanaej I agree with every wise word that you've written

The GN article that I submitted to the magazine read by ladies, has been re-scheduled for 22nd June. Will keep you posted.

My sister had some copies of The Lady that a neighbour brought her, so she passed them on to me. I was pleasantly surprised about the change in ethos and culture, which is much more suitable for a wider group of women and had some interesting articles. Perhaps they need to re-vamp with a slightly different name, as it's got possibilities now, with fewer adverts and inane articles than many women's magazines.

Mind, if Spare Rib was still knocking about, I'd much prefer that!

when My article is a First Anniversary thank you to GN. I've highlighted the plight of Grans who have raised issues on this particular forum.

Soop what publication is your article in?

Hi all, Just thought I would give an update, on the proceedings - with my GD. We are being allowed to have her for the day on Sunday, It has been 21 months she has been in care, and this is the first time, she will be in our house, since then. I cannot describe how happy we feel about this. one massive step

Chadsky I couldn't be more delighted for you! Yet another success for grandparents who have had a fight on their hands to be with their grandchildren. Have a wonderful time and please let us know how it has gone.

How completely wonderful. You must be beside yourselves and what a day for your grandchild - to be with her loving family after all this time. Well done Chadsky - what a star.

chadsky congratulations that is fantastic news, have a great time on Sunday with your GD