to expect nanna not to take over?

Oh dear! I feel for you, afar, but I think I would do the same as you and not go there for a while. They sound very bossy and controlling. I've never heard of anyone wanting to butt in so much between a small child and its parents before. Sheltered life, perhaps! Be strong. He's your kid. You make the rules. All the best.

Oh dear they do sound like a sad pair! Some people, I guess, dominate their children as they are growing up and then want to carry on leading the clan and getting all their own way when their children are adults. This does not often happen in these days of nuclear families. It may be the natural order of things in many cultures, but it ain't round here. This may leave grandparents who feel like this (esp if they are retired and don't have other stuff to dominate) in a state where they want to continue to be in control, and can't come to terms with the fact that they aren't. I feel sorry for them that they are not more self-aware and sensitive. They are going to get less contact with their GC if they don't "cop on".
Just a thought - some people as they are growing up assert themselves as adults (it could be teenage rebellion, cutting loose in your twenties or whatever) This is the moment at which most parents start to get the message that they are not in charge any more.
(I remember losing my temper with my mother for the first time ever - roared at her to "FFFing shut up and stop going on at me", while driving, and nearly crashed I was so angry. I was in my 40s. Late developer. But it was definitely overdue.)

Took me till I was 50 to finally tell my mum to stop treating me as if I was 10. I had to get really cross and stop answering the phone when she called before she got the message. Hard work and not fun but things are OK now. she has taken it on board at last.

It's interesting process isn't it. Any advance on 50...

Yes, JessM, I know someone dominated by his mother until he was into his sixties. Only her death brought about any change.

Thought someone would say that somehow I guess there are many people who, having internalised all the shoulds and should nots are controlled by their parents after they are dead as well...
It is an interesting area I think, the way we have to carry on growing up, even when our 30s are behind us.

Afar how sad that PIL behaved as they did after you taking all the time and effort to revert the problem,as you said you are not going to dinner again all I can say is to keep the door open to them but with definate time's etc for visit's maybe to your home or meet at a coffee shop then you can control the visits,but please keep them in touch with your DS but make sure they realise you are his mum and you only,even let DH take DS to his parent's on his own with the reason that you are busy and he has half an hour only to spare and he thought he would pop in and out,that way they are seeing DGS and you are tied down to long visit's and miserable dinner's.

I don't feel I can let up on the strong (and wicked as far as she's concerned) front I show my mum. If I let down the fence, she'll barge through. Sad. Still, I think she's beginning to understand so progress has been made and she knows that if she lobs an unfounded critical grenade at my daughters, I'll bite her head off. It was stupid criticism of them that made me act on my own behalf. There's a lot you can put up with for yourself but if your nearest and dearest are 'attacked' the wild mountain lion in you shows its claws and teeth and roars its head off.

Oh dear afar, they seem to have a starnge view about what a Grandparents' relationship is with a grandchild. First of all its a huge priviledge and not a right. Secondly no Grandparent I know consciously sets out to have a 'bonding' session. Its much more about taking our childrens' lead and following that. They will have much more fun if they sit on the floor and build a brick tower or a simple jig saw puzzle with your baby. I have a little assortment of toys I keep here for my Grandson to play with when he visits. They stay here and are 'Grandma's toys'. When he comes he makes a bee-line for where I keep them and checks they are all still there, then we have great fun by playing with them together. Even when we speak on the phone (he is nearly 3) he asks about them. Being allowed to get to know him is a complete joy and its up to my daughter and her husband how and when I do that. Hopefully when he is older he will still choose to visit because he genuinley enjoys coming and loves being in the garden with Grandad. If your inlaws continue down this path he will never want to visit when he has the choice.

Isn't a pity that some grandparents spoil the relationship they can have with their grandchildren. They forget that they are not their children. I hope my children would tell me if I am doing something they think is wrong. It takes a lot of give and take on both sides. Afar I hope you can regain a better relationship with your parents in law in the future. Good luck.

I 100% agree with Hilda it is a priviledge to be allowed contact with your DGC I am luckily allowed loads with all of mine, my 3rd GS aged just 9 wrote a poem last year in wich he was saying thank-you for all of the things he loved most in the world the last two lines of the first verse said thank you for nanny for cooking all my favorite food, Thank you for Grampy for just being Grampy. what more can a nan ask for?

Gosh Amber I bet that brought a lump to your throat (and Mr Amber's). How lovely.

My little Harry was worried that 'Grandma needs cheering up' we have been worrying about his Mum having her second, tho all is well now. Bless him for being so empathetic at 2 3/4

They are the ones who are missing out. Hopefully they will realise that soon, if not, it's their loss. Don't feel guilty.

Its the other way round with my DiL
Both she and my son are forever wiping my grandson's face & hands whilst he is eating. He isn't a messy eater - and he is 4 years old. It drives me mad.
They turn every meal into a stress event for him.
I don't know if its right or wrong but when he is with me I just let him get messy until he has finished and we have an enjoyable meal.

My daughter and I have one rule when we are together with my DGS and it's that she's his mum so she's in charge.

Same here, babyjack, and I wouldn't want it otherwise. One of the most wonderful things about being a gran is seeing what a marvellous mother my daughter is.

Oh I do agree, Baggy! And my son as a father is a revelation!