needing a virtual hug

I think you are a saint for holding your tongue and treading carefully !
I would probably explode if my daughter was so sharp with me, pregnant or not.

Phew. Hormones eh?

So glad your daughter sounded her old self when you spoke syberia if she is anything like my DD when she has been expecting I know how you are feeling mine was a complete nightmare,but as soon as all over back came the girl we all knew,it was just hormonal.

syberia

syberia
"We do not want to see anybody for two weeks, ' cause we want to bond."
To her own mother??????

Syberia (((hugs))) So glad you had a good day. My step daughter was a prickly nightmare on the run up to the birth of her daughter, nobody could say the right thing. She was still a bit like it for the first three months, but now DSGD is an adorable 8 months, Mother is all smiles and back to her sunny self. It is a roller coaster!

Daughters, we are lucky to have them but they can be grumpy. hugs Syberia

syberia wonderful news

Oh brilliant news syberia!

Lovely syberia she is your daughter after all, so she will most likely want things to be on top form, too

Have had a wonderful, joyful, happy conversation with my daughter on the telephone today, it was just like old times!!

I hung in there and I bit my tongue and hopefully it will improve now. (If not, I will deal with it!)

Have just posted on another thread and that reminded me to come here and update!!

What a difficult and troublesome time for you Syberia, there is such good advice and support here on all the previous posts, I just wanted to add a [hug]

Syberia, shoulder and hugs from me. Hope it all goes well for you, your daughter and her partner.

I really can't add any more to everyone's words of wisdom but have a huge (((((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))) xxxxx
Yes, GN is a wonderful place to be xxx

... and a big hug from me Syberia.
As a MIL I was miles away when both GC were born but did get to visit for cuddles etc. Then DIL was persuaded by her Ma that she (Ma) should give up work to be their PAID childminder. I felt very 'side-lined' then, a feeling that persisted for years. I'm much more able to cope with the situation now But still wonder at what might have been as the other Granny had such strange ideas about what she fed them, for instance.
Sorry this is a bit 'off-topic' but you have had lots of lovely sensible Gransnetters advice, and I did want to add a different perspective, that is of the MIL.

Big hug Syberia, keep giving your unconditional love and understanding. Let them have their 2 weeks baby bonding (unless they ask you to pop up for the day). It will come right in the end trust me, I know, it has only taken me 4 years with my DD (different circumstances), just hang on in there. You're her mum, its your job and sometimes its tough.

Little squeeze from me too syberia - good old GN I say. What a team!

Well done Syberia - chin up!

Thank you all so, so, much for all your constructive comments, they really have helped. It is a relief to think it is perhaps "normal" for her to be so grumpy!!

I think it is relevant that her partner is also female. They are more than capable of managing every eventuality between them ( that is not meant as a slur on the male population! ) so perhaps I am a little less needed because of that.

I shall bide my time, bite my tongue and be there when she asks.

syberiaHere are some ((((((hugs)))))) from me to you.
I know only too well what it is like to feel what you feel at the moment.

It all sounds very familiar to me, although I was warned in good time. My first awaited grandchild was miscarried and of course I rushed to see my daughter as soon as we heard the news. She was sitting on the sofa, having discharged herself from hospital (she is a midwife) and never spoke a word to me.
We just sat there - her not speaking.
After a while we decided to leave so before going I asked my son in law for some advice on a computer problem and went to his study.
Then we left and drove the 100 miles home.
Later she accused me of just coming to see her husband about computers!

After that I backed off ( I felt so very hurt) and disciplined myself to say nothing and tried to keep a distance. This attitude has paid off and both my daughters are now mothers and all the births have gone well but I never went until asked to come and now we all have a very good relationship.

Try not to feel hurt. It will all pass over in time. It is not your baby and your daughter needs to have the feeling that she can decide what is best for her baby without having to consider your feelings.
In time you will see enough of the child you can be assured of that. Be patient.
(((hug)))

Hello Syberia.

I am sending you a hug too - amongst so many. I am sure that you are getting the message - you are not alone!!!

My daughter endured ante-natal depression - she underwent a complete personality change from a sunny generous personality to a sick person in bed for 4 months and unable to engage with the world. It was a dreadful time for all of us. It may be that your daughter is suffering from a mild dose of this too.

The whole being present at the birth thing is a difficult one. One of my three daughters wanted me to be there - I was with her throughout the early stages of baby no.1 then she went for a C section (her OH accompanied her to theatre); I saw baby no.2 born; and arrived just too late for baby no.3. But she was clear that she wanted me there.

Daughter 2, who suffered the antenatal depression did not want me there for either of her births - this was hard to swallow as she and I are very close (and very similar). I took it on the chin though and left her to make her own decisions.

Daughter 3 has not yet embarked on reproduction.

I really do think that you have to go with the flow - believe me I do know how hard it is - it is such a special event for us too. But the most important thing is to secure your long term relationship with her, her partner and the new baby. Above all, do NOT take it personally!! - her hormones are influencing her behaviour; as too are fashions. The idea of bonding as a nuclear family is relatively new concept and in days gone by mothers were only too glad to have the support of the wider family - things have changed - we cannot fight it. I suspect that she will be jolly glad of your help when the time comes; if it has become a big issue between you, she will find it hard to back down and ask for help.

Rule No.1 is to express confidence on HER ability - even when you think she is getting it wrong!

You are embarking on an exciting new phase of your life and it will bring you great joy - and endless opportunities to bite the tongue!!

Try and let some of this wash by you - treat it lightly and she is likely to settle down a bit. It is not to do with you - believe me - it is the way things are now.

Syberia ((Hugs)) from me too. Such sensible advice on here that I can't add to it.
Just be ready, as she may well decide she needs her mum,and when she does you'll be there!

I hold on firmly to the hope that our children hit us because they are so absolutely sure they can - we have made them absolutely sure of our love and that we won't let them down - and most likely they have to keep it buttoned with everyone else. Maybe that's a bit like drowning man and lifebelt. Not greatly helpful but hopefully a little consoling. I so hope it all comes right when the baby arrives.

syberia a big HUG from me too.
give yourself a hug as well and when you do think of all the GNs sending you hugs