...... to think most men become grumpier and more intolerant as they age

I return under a new name after the queries over Scumbag. I think I chose it as, normally, when you log into a messageboard it takes umpteen goes to find a unique name so thought scumbag wouldn't be popular. However, Gransnet being relatively new doesn't appear to have that problem. So I am now LaGrandeDuchesse.

V interesting to see what a common problem grumpy other halfs are.

I am planning to have a separate life when we retire. Going to use the back bedroom (which should be out of hailing reach) for hobbies/computer and take up interests which get me out of the house as suggested above.

But I was just thinking how sad that that is what it comes to. That we can't plan fun times together. DH has many hobbies which will keep him busy but I suspect that being on your own in the garage tinkering won't quite come up to expectations when he is used to work where you interact with others on and off through the day and I am dam sure I am not stepping into the shoes of chatty workmate after hearing for years how he never has time for what HE wants to do ie spend time in shed with hobby .

He is also an aggressive driver (which cropped up alot on the red flag thread on mumsnet (red flag warning about unsuitable partner that is)) and won't modify his driving for me so we can't happily plan trips as I really hate having my heart in my mouth regularly on the journey.

Things came to a head a bit as my DM died recently and I still had to contend with grumpy git, along with visitng rellies (for funeral) and extra cooking etc. It really seemed the limit. I grumbled to DD and suspect she has said something as he now seems unusually considerate. Haven't had a chance to speak to her alone to find if this is true. But really he should have been kind and supportive then not a selfish sod.

Also with DM passing I realised I have 31 years left if I last as long as she did. That's enough for a whole career (or similar exciting change in life) and feel that as a couple we should really plan some great stuff for the future instead it's a constant battle in his eyes just to keep the car taxed and the windows painted.

I will take on whenI'm64 's advice - the behaviour is selfish and arrogant and will have strong words though possible daughter's input has scotched this a bit as he is being nicer.

I like your new moniker, Duchesse. Much better than scumbag! Never sell yourself short. All this makes me count my blessing that ex's second missus is getting the benefit (?) of his grumpy years. He was bad enough in his earlier years.

That's better Duchesse. I would never have addressed you by your previous name

Biker that is a sad way to live.

My husband isn't really too bad in the grumpy stakes but he makes me laugh talking about his friends who have 'grumpy old man syndrome' DH's worst habit is talking over the news and putting politicians right to the extent that we miss the next couple of news items.

On the whole though, I think I'll keep him!

That's brilliant Nanad!!! Do you think we have any gransnetters like that? ducks for cover............

I'm the grumpy one in this marriage I moan and he jollies me out of it , my OH still works part-time and has 2/3 hobbies he's passionate about he's pretty laid back about most things in fact his happy go lucky attitude sometimes drives me potty, he sings ditties , tells silly jokes and gets on with everybody including all his step-children and grandchildren , they all love him to bits.. he's a typical happy chappy.
Me on the other hand I know I can be a misery, and moan about trivia that really matters not, sometimes I could bite off my tongue when he's singing around the house and I say for gods sake what is that rubbish you're talking about.. or he tell me a silly joke and I give him that 'look', he looks hurt and I feel like a bitch. I really am trying to not be such a misery I think I lost my sense of humour somewhere along the line and I really don't know why he doesn't bite my head off sometimes but he never does, he doesn't sulk he just carries on as if nothing happened and leaves me feeling awful.
Must try harder...

Hang on to him, Tanith, he sounds a rare find!
I have a moaning sister who objects to my cheerfulness. She was a grumpy child, a grumpy teenager, and now she is a grumpy pensioner. It is a good job I get free phone calls from France - I ring her twice a week to hear the latest list of things or people that have annoyed her.

Had to laugh at the comments re them becoming experts in household management.

I intend to hand over all shopping and cooking to DH when he retires as he seems to feel he is so much better at it than me and must say I am sick to death of cooking and thinking up meals these days, quite happy with fishfingers and broccolli ad infinitum.

Oh Dear! I invited my GOM (akaDH) to view the Pam Ayres poem thinking that the humour might lighten him up a bit. Fat chance because -although I saw his lips twitch and eyes twinkle - he has decided to take it as directly aimed at him and has stormed off to commune with even grumpier old git next door. Why, oh why does he have to put himself (and me) through all the doom and gloom so often when he can also sometimes be his old self, or should I say young self, full of fun and nonsense and a joy to be with?

Mine was grumpy when younger, then mellowed, but lately saves all his ranting for when we're on the road and as I point out THE OTHER DRIVERS CAN'T HEAR YOU BUT I CAN. Next I quietly withdrew from the much-vaunted road trips in the new 'mid-life crisis' car (that's another whole thread just waiting right there) and then when he (eventually) noticed I wasn't exactly leaping into the car with joy for every suggested trip, the penny dropped and we had a discussion about how it wasn't any fun for me. Or my other strategy was to wait till we had other passengers in the car and then say 'Aren't you going to turn the air blue today? Look at that! And that one!' which would make DH most uncomfortable. I'm so bad, can amuse myself for hours

Recently at the cricket a GOM kept shouting at his team and then said 'why don't you..........' so I replied 'because they are the professionals and you are not!' To which the young guy in front smiled at me and said 'you're right'

Perhaps Tanith has a point. Don't they say opposites attract? Perhaps those of us with GOMs are all nice and sweet and lovely and that is why we are attached to them?

granny23 take yourself out for tea, leave the MOS to fend for himself.

lagrande much better name.

I am realising that Theseus' intermittent irascibility is as nothing compared to what some of you have to put up with. And I too can be ratty. A bit.

We lead independent but interlinked lives, have our own roles (interchangeable when needed) and I am very happy. Especially now, as he is at his very best as we are in the final throes of moving - as I have said elsewhere, he is in list heaven. I am a luck woman. (and he is a lucky man )

Could I ask Ariadne - does he keep losing the list ? My DH is a list writer but loses them all the time and expects me to find them! He's not too grumpy though - if he is it usually transpires he is not well.

Slightly off the thread title but somewhat relevant and it made me choke on my AllBran. I can't make the link work so have transcribed...

It's an old black & white greetings card with a young girl of about 8 in bed, mother with 40's hair style sat on the bed reading a bed-time story to her daughter, saying Once upon a time a man asked a girl to marry him, the girl said 'No!'. And she lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing and drinking. She always had a clean house, never cooked and looked fabulous all the time. The End.

Love it!

Notsogrand how spooky!! I was looking at that card yesterday in our local card factory shop!

I think this was in one of my jokes, but I am not going to look back now there are over 900! In the joke, the woman's story is a response to a man's story, saying something like 'A man asked a woman to marry him and she turned him down so he spent his life drinking beer and playing poker with his mates and lived happily ever after'.

NOT ALL MEN ARE GRUMPY!!

bez no, he doesn't ever lose anything. People just move things when he's not looking...according to him.

Ian42 you must be under 65 Once retirement happens I think it is obligatory. I have just listened to a rant about cleaning up after a dog, had to remind him we don't have one

Ariadne
Are we married to the same man?

Ariadne - in this house it is always 'someone' must have moved it. As there are only two of us here most of the time the list of culprits is very short. I usually find whatever has been 'moved' and then he has a flash of ' oh I remember now'!!

Puffing and huffing from the study: What is the matter?" I said.

"Somebody has moved a piece of paper that I need!" So I ignored it.

Later: "Did you find your bit of paper?"

"Yes, but I can't remember why I needed it."