Is this all there is?

petra - I can empathise with much of what you say, even if some of the details differ.
I couldn't agree more with your last sentence.

Well done Petra you should be proud of yourself

Petra I agree, a good education itself is probably not as important as a determination to succeed in life, which you clearly have.
There are a lot of people about who are clever, but not well educated. As you say, hard work a bit of luck and the right people along the way do help.
Good for you.

Crimson am reading through quietly thanks for the kind thought, probably need to remember how lucky I am

I'm not there yet, but retirement is surely one of lifes 'big events' that sends out a lot of unexpected 'shockwaves'. And, no matter how lucky we are we still feel fed up sometimes and we could sit in a chair hitting ourselves on the head with a hammer telling ourselves that we're lucky, but we'll still feel fed up and have a headache as well.

Looks like this thread is petering out so perhaps I can end it with a smile.......

What if the hokey-kokey IS what it's all about?

Yes,but you still get to 'shake it all about'!

I sympathise with you 'Isthisallthrereis'. I had to retire early (aged 54) due to ill-health and that was ok until my partner died 4 years later.

I was badly depressed after his death and it took my about 5 years to regain something of the 'Old Me'. I keep busy but still have days when I hover over that black hole.

I think I suffer from a combination of disappointment and anger, but my daughter and grand-kids love me and that brings me happy moments.My Faith is a little off the wall but grows stronger all the time and that's an enormous help.

I think Life needs constant effort and if you can give yourself some kind of structure, wherever you find it, you can still get some enjoyment from this world.

Please don't give up trying

That reminds me: we haven't heard from you recently, isthis. Are you still with us?
fadedglory, you sound like a resilient person who's been through the mill. Welcome to G'net. You will find plenty of people here who can relate to your experiences and help you to raise your spirits.

A quick reply to the OP - Yes, this is all there is so we had better make the most of it! (smile)

Wise words, Greatnan

I hav e only been member for a week, and the reason I joined this site is that I am a lonely person. I am nearly 71, fit and somewhat healthy, retired nurse. I lost mu lovely hubby last year and have since been ina very dark place. I have a son and daughter who live away so I never see them. The place I live is very remote, but only a bus ride to Cardiff, Bridgend and Barry but because I do not drive I have to rely on the bus and they do not always turn up. I walk most days but it is all lanes, and I live close to and RAF base with constant noise. I have put my house on market but have not had any feedback as yet. I know I can please myself what I do with my time but I need company in the day and that is why I come onto this site. The thing is I want to get a little dog and the rigmarole of the rescue center, I will be toold to take it for walkies the time they take. Anyway all I have poured my heart to you. Thanks if you have taken time to read this.

dottilind, you are very welcome! There will be other Gransnetters in a similar boat, and I'm sure we've all been lonely at some time in our lives. Being so isolated must add to your sense of being all alone - I do hope your house sells soon and then at least you'll have some more options.

In the meantime, there's always someone to talk to on here.

Hello and welcome dottilind - your company is appreciated.

Are you living in a village? We are very remote too with virtually no buses, but there is lots going on in the village and we centre most of our social lives around that: the pub, acitivities in the village hall etc.

Have you tried contacting your local U3A - try googling it - they have lots of things going oin and can often arrange lifts.

How far away are your children? - do you really never see them? - is there some way of improving that situation?

Where are you hoping to move to if you sell the house?

Don't give up! - there must be ways around this problem.

A belated welcome dottilind - you have had a very hard time and I do hope that you are indeed coming out into the light again. I do wish you lived in my neck of the woods (E Midlands) there is lots going on and while it is not deep country, it can be very pretty. You say your DS and D D live away - are they far away? Would you hope to move nearer them if you could sell your house? I know there are GNetters in the SW - Galen, Barrow and Maniac come to mind for starters, but I am not great on English geography so not sure how accessible they would be to you. Good luck with getting a dog - great company and their silly smiles and wagging tails always cheer you up! Here's hoping you enjoy the company and friendship of GN.

Just picked up this interesting thread begun by Isthisall. I have just spent the day at the C.A.B. where I've been listening to calls from many people whose lives are broken by debt, unemployment and marital break-up and trying to suggest ways forward. Believe me, this makes me appreciate all I have, even if we can't afford holidays or new clothes - at least we have each other and a comfortable life.
Isthis, as Gransnetters may recall I went through a similar period of disenchantment with life when I took early retirement 18 months ago. Things really do get better, and I'm glad to say that I have found my "niche" in various voluntary tasks, and meeting old friends. We had so little time to meet up when we were all working, I am enjoying making up for lost time there.
I have a quote by Bertrand Russell in my diary: "To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilisation". I think this is the antithesis of endless activity to pass the time, but trying to do something enjoyable each day. Yes, we are all getting older - but it beats the alternative!

I spent many years doing a job in which I had very little interest and which bored me (believe me, being "bored to tears" can be a reality). Most of those years were spent praying for retirement - which seems awful and almost wicked - wishing my life away.

I now enjoy not having to get up really early and commute into central London, being stuck in an office with no natural light, bashing away on a keyboard all day, leaving home in the dark and arriving back in the dark on cold winter days.

Now I have more time for my family and friends and to do things I'm interested in and enjoy - reading, being part of a writing group, walking the dog, going to a theatre studies group, etc., etc.

You did a creative and interesting job and can therefore look back on what you have achieved and feel satisfied that you made the most of your potential. Perhaps some of the skills you used then can still be used. You mentioned teaching - would you be interested in spending short periods in schools helping children who are under-achieving to read? Or perhaps going into schools and telling young people about your career - inspiring them to aim high. There is also, as others have said, The University of the Third Age, Open University, local adult education classes, book clubs, WI/Townswomen's Guild, etc. And, being a creative person, what about entering short story competitions, trying to write for radio (The Arvon Foundation provides 7-day residential writing courses set in beautiful parts of the country where well-known writers take some of the sessions), painting or sketching, etc. etc.

I don't understand why gardening is selfish. If it's something you enjoy, why is that selfish? And a garden doesn't have to be absolutely weed free all the time, in the same way that houses don't always have to be spick and span.

As others have said, I'm sure most people feel down at times and it's OK to be like that sometimes - anyway the permanently cheerful person can become a little wearing.

I hope you soon feel in better spirits and have found some helpful comments from GN, as I have.

Dottilind - you are very welcome here and many members will understand how you feel. If you read through the whole thread, you will see many suggestions that might be helpful.
Is it too late for you to learn to drive, I wonder?

Hi Dottiland and welcome. I hope you have found good suggestions on here. My main advice would be to keep as busy as you can doing things that please you.

dottilind Welcome.I'm in Backwell -N.Somerset .Easy train connections to Cardiff. I'm older than you- a retired pharmacist -worked part-time until I was 74.
I've made good friends through Painting gp,Sustainability/Transition gp.Singing for the Brain etc.
Lots of help and support from Gransnet-hang in there.
Best wishes

so easy for people to say "fill the space wth things to do, but its not that easy is it and lonliness is lonliness whatever you do

I have just started reading this thread and have decided, unusually, to add my two pennarth.

Firstly, my advice is to 'count your blessings' - a truism, but true! How many people do you know who are far worse off than you/dead?

Secondly, have an ambition. I have always had something I want to achieve at the back of my mind. First it was not to be a housewife like my mum. Then it was to have a profession. Then it was to have a family. Then it was to be a successful career woman. Then it was to spend my winters in the sun when I retired. Now it is to move house to be near my family. Next it is to have a gallery to import art........

Thirdly, don't feel the need to do something worthy. Enjoy just being. I did a worthwhile job which contributed to the good of society. Now I want to do things that are rather frivolous.Many people find satisfaction in running charity shops, being school governors etc. I don't feel that need.

Fourthly, why must we spend our time with old people? That's what puts me off U3A etc.

Fifthly, we are never going to be able to be as good at what we start now as we were in our prime. It takes 10,000 hours to become proficient in something, as my son points out to me when I decide to be a world class ceramicist.

And finally, if you can afford it (and you can), go and live in the southern hemisphere for the UK winters. If I didn't winter in the sun, I think I would feel depressed and regretting my 'lost' profession. But here in the sun, despite my smashed knee which makes me less mobile than I would like, I am too busy pottering about in galleries, potting, doing Pilates and generally living outside, that I don't have time to feel full of regrets. The sun is a wonderful pick me up.

And finally, finally, drink plenty of Sauvignon Blanc. 'Gather ye rosebuds' and all that.

Dottilind you say you live near an RAF base. I suspect there are plenty of lonely young mums there. Have you thought of offering to babysit(an age group that you like - be choosy) so that young mum could do something for herself. As a former nurse some mums would be glad to be befriended by you.

PPP glad you can do all of those things. I had ambitions, to live life to the full with the love of my life, to grow old together, live out our retirement in Portugal. We both worked hard all our lives and had a trade, and the one day you have all that snatched away from you and and your world comes crashing down around you. I lost my lovely Roger last year and my heart is still raw with pain and grieving, and I find some of your suggestions a bit patronising to say the least.

I am sure nobody meant to patronise you dottilind and hope you do find some comfort and companionship on GN. There are many members who have suffered some sort of loss and as a forum for offloading feelings, finding and giving comfort, I have found it a great place. I can hear how bereft you feel and how raw the pain of loss is - don't give up on GN.