Is this all there is?

I've been retired 6 years because I've been looking after my grandson. This was fine but now my husband is ill. He gets very depressed and spends his life in an armchair. He doesn't like being left so I don't get out on my own much. There are days when life just seem to be sitting in a chair, not speaking because he thinks I talk too much. I knew that when we were both retired we would have to cut back on the travel & outingsbut because of his illness it's all happened much sooner than I expected. Still, there will be a new baby next year so hopefully he's the light at the end of the tunnel.

Dread no more BlueSky (have we met before? welcome if you're new). Retirement is fabulous. I had a career and a role that was a big part of my identity and now I forget it most days, having retired nearly 3 years ago. There's more to life than work, rush hour, job stress and getting out of bed on freezing winter days. People told me I would get bored, but I haven't. Love retirement!

I'm not quite retired yet but rather dreading it, at the moment I have a purpose, a reason to get up in the morning. I know there's charity work, courses, shopping, travelling, seeing friends and luckily I'm relatively fit and healthy but I guess it's a sense of having had the best years of my life and feeling that nothing is ever going to be as good and exciting as when I was young.

Isthisallthereis - I think for me it's a case of 'I still haven't found what I'm looking for'. All through my life I have thought, 'when I'm 20 I'll be happy' or 'when I'm 30 I'll feel fulfilled'. When I was working I thought I'd be happy when I retired because I'd be able to do whatever I wanted. But now I don't know what I want to do. I'm in a writing group and a Spanish chat group, I have 2 great sisters who live nearby, 2 wonderful daughters and 2 fantastic grandchildren. DH is obsessed with golf and I'm a bit envious of that, although I wouldn't want to do any one thing 3 days a week. I'm as mixed up as I was as a teenager. I was a volunteer at the Oxfam bookshop, but I was the youngest one and had to unload heavy boxes of books from cars outside the shop, and I hurt my back, so gave it up. I'd love to have something to do that would absorb me, but what?

Being too busy to worry about whether there is anything better seems to me to be a recipe for being happy. Isn't life something that happens while you are making other plans, or something like that?

Two 'phantom shoppers' on one boat sounds most entertaining!

I agree with you Grannylin. ‘ Live in the moment and enjoy it.’
Why the need for a purpose and to be valued?
I haven’t always felt this way but I now try to live in the present, open to new opportunities (GN and cruising with jeni) and also learning something from the painful experiences (denied contact with my GS)

But one doesn't have to be 'upbeat' just to accept what appears to be the case – that life "just is" and we might as well just get on with it – and enjoy it as much as we can because our allotted span is relatively short – in the 'best' way possible. What that best is, is where ethics comes in.

Perhaps we all expect too much of life - my mother thought she was very lucky because my father never lifted his hand to her or any of his four children, didn't booze or gamble all his wages, and paid her a regular sum for housekeeping, albeit it was only about half his earnings. He was quite unusual in our Northern, working-class area.
I am almost always happy and content, but I can't say I am in a constant buzz of excitement, nor do I want to be. I certainly have many moments when I am aware of being wonderfully alive, perhaps when I reach the summit of a mountain or snorkel across a pristine coral reef.
I think it must be very difficult to feel joyful if you have any chronic pain or disability so I a not surprised that some members feel low from time to time. Circumstances can arise that make us sad, especially when we are concerned for the health of people we love, mental or physical, and sometimes it is hard to stay upbeat all the time for any of us, I guess.

I think I'm quite lucky but I envy those who are having a great time in retirement - as I used to envy those who always have wonderful experiences whether it is a holiday, meal, wine, cinema or anything else. I seldom reach the peaks of excitement that some seem to find every day.

When I read this thread, I first thought of the Peggy Lee song 'Is that all there is?' www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VscVP_Gt_s&feature=related. It would always have been one of mine for a desert island.

Post-retirement, I tried all sorts of things - charity running is the closest I've found to recreating the old buzz and excitement perhaps because races can be fun and worthwhile. I think time with grandchildren and active time with wife, family and friends are now very important to keeping me going.

So right, Mamie! Balance. We're at an age when our bodies are letting us down a bit, so we need to sop and think how to manage them. When I was in the midst of chemo, and feeling pretty awful, I found that I had to try to do something; if I couldn't, I didn't until I felt I could try again.

When one isn't, as Greatnan put it on another thread, as bendy as one used to be, then it really does get one down, but I still try my best to keep doing things. I love my work with Rotary, and all that it offers, and that is a big plus for me, that in some little way I can make a difference.

Good quotes Bags. I think this is about balance really. If you spend your life wondering what it is all for, then as Camus says, you aren't living. If you are just relentlessly doing and you never pause to doubt, to think, to wonder what it is all about, then I think that is missing out on an important part of life as well.

I found that here where there are lots more sound bites.

Here's a nice one:

“In the beginning, God created the earth, and he looked upon it in his cosmic loneliness.

And God said, "Let Us make living creatures out of mud, so the mud can see what We have done." And God created every living creature that now moveth, and one was man. Mud as man alone could speak. God leaned close to mud as man sat, looked around, and spoke. "What is the purpose of all this?" he asked politely.

"Everything must have a purpose?" asked God.

"Certainly," said man.

"Then I leave it to you to think of one for all this," said God.

And He went away.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle

I already do that. And make complaints! I've been on the same princess ship three times and made the same complaint and nothing has happened!

These feelings aren't confined to the retired - people of any age have times when the purpose of it all is questioned and questionable. Accept what you have, do the best with it you can, enjoy what you can and it'll pass. Your questioning just shows what a thoughtful person you are.

Jeni could you be a phantom shopper testing disabled facilities on cruise ships?

Good for you Ella. That's the wonderful thing about retirement, being able to have more time to do whatever you wish be it demanding or sweet f*.

If I do nothing else in my life,which I probably won't, I have brought forth two wonderful children, who in turn have produced 3 beautiful girls.
I consider that a great achievement, and I now intend to enjoy doing very little, whenever I feel like it!

Since retiring, I have travelled extensively,volunteered, been running, swimming, taken up languages, watercolours etc etc and still asked myself your question. Stay around on Gransnet and you will learn about some extraordinary women.I have stopped my navel gazing.Live in the moment and enjoy it

I'm rather crocked up and can't do much physically!
I'm almost 68 I'm still working .
I dread what happens in 4 years time when I have to retire and therefore won't be able to cruise any more!
I don't want to do volunteer work and I don't think any organisation that I would consider could tolerate me!
I only consider the future when I'm down, like today after a day working in Cardiff! Why is a wet day in the arse end of Cardiff so demoralising. There weren't even any coffee making facilities
That's the last time I go to that court! Also, it took 2hours travel to get there! Starting out at 07 15!
NEVER AGAIN

I have a bad knees, a dodgy back and a grumbling hip. Walking is not the pleasure it used to be and, although I enjoy pottering in the garden digging the veggie plot means popping the pain killers before, during and after.

But, I've found that there is plenty of useful stuff we can do. Just because it's not paid doesn't mean it's worthless. So many organisations would collapse without the contribution made by the army of the retired. Where would many working mums be without grandparent aid or the elderly infirm without their getting on a bit offspring? Charity shops wouldn't exist. Town councillors, school governors, magistrates are often retired people as they have more time to give.

I'm now on a couple of committees (not much physical there), volunteer for the National Trust (get to sit in a beautiful room for an afternoon once a week and meet some lovely people) this pays expenses so is cost neutral, and somehow found myself involved in other stuff locally because I didn't step back quick enough!

Have a look at www.volunteering.org.uk the list is endless and caters for all abilities and degrees of enthusiasm. Get involved and you can make a difference.

I don't think it's specific to women, my DH often makes himself miserable wondering what the rest of his life is for, whereas I share greatnan's view of life, and just hand him a list of jobs.
The mother of one of my friends liked to say 'Enjoy every minute, it will never come again'.

isthisall thereis,,,,,,,,,join a choir there is a rock group choir look for it on line,,great fun,,,,,,do you go swimming,,,yes i have bee there i always think about dying ,,how long have i got i thank the lord when i get up for opening my eyes,,,advertise for a lady freind in the paper,,,i have been depressed,,,i have lost my mum and dad,,,the depression lasted 2 years,,,i was always down a black hole,,,but i joined flower arranging,,,joined sugarcraft club,,,,i make cupcakes sell them at fetes,,,i go into london and nose around on my own,,,,i did nursing privately,,live in an elderly persons home with them and get paid for it all exspenses paid....look at caring agencys,,,,you are needed somewhere dont feel down be strong, somone somewhere is feeling worse than you,,,your alive,,,take care i will always chat, big hug,,,angiebaby

Is this all there is?

Great question, I'm glad it's not just me that is a bit wondering? disgruntled?

I think to myself, wow, there are all these retirees and non working people like me. Gardening, hobbies, GCs, volunteering but if we all put our spare time and efforts together surely we could achieve something really exciting and important and really make a difference. But I doubt it's going to happen. Everyone seems to be happy pottering until the Care Home calls.

Not meaning this as a criticism, more an observation. And accept that I am free to achieve wonderful things if I choose to make the effort (and can think of something within my abilities that needs doing!)