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How to handle a granchild crying because they dont want to go home

(13 Posts)
CHEELU Thu 06-Dec-12 12:57:31

My granchild sometimes spends the weekend at my house and I love it but when its time to go he gets really emotional and even trauatised. He loves his Mum very much but still her cries loads and its horrible and I sometimes dread his visits now because I know how they will end and it cant be doing him any good either. His Mum and Dad have split and when he comes to me is when he gets to see his Dad. Really could do with your thoughts Thank you

wisewoman Thu 06-Dec-12 13:19:48

Both of my grandsons have been upset when it was time to go home when they were little - up to about 3 years old. After 3 they seem to understand things better. I think that small children don't like transitions from one thing to another. They are happy at grannie's and happy at home but don't like the bit in between. It did pass though, thank goodness, as it is upsetting when they are very upset. I know how much you must dread it.

CHEELU Thu 06-Dec-12 13:25:33

Thank you for your reply the thing is that my grandchild did stop doing it for a while but has now started again he is 4-- Thinking about it there was a gap in him coming and that's when it started up again

HildaW Thu 06-Dec-12 14:58:14

Any emotions seem HUGE when you are only 4. Your little GS has had a lot to cope with and sometimes its difficult for us so called grown-ups to remember whats its like. He probably has a lovely time with you and when he has to go home hi has to cope with all the emotions that entails.hes had fun, missed his Mum, seen his Dad, wants to go home yet loves you. Its all such a big emotion and lets face it when even we cant sort out how we feel we have to have a bit of a weep. Just let him have his cry, let him know you love him and that his Mum has missed him. As he gets older he will be able to cope btter I am sure.

gracesmum Thu 06-Dec-12 15:04:05

Am I being cynical to say that they can be manipulative little soandso'sdears from a very early age! Of course it is more funny at Granny's, she is a softie , life with her is fun, she spoils you rotten and you don't see her day in day out.
It is so flattering when they are inconsolable when they leave, but alas, soon forgotten. I would be glad he is so happy with you, but take it with a tiny pinch of

Granny23 Thu 06-Dec-12 15:17:31

We have had this problem with all 3 of our DGC. The 5 yr olds are better now, although they still have to be dragged away from my computer -'just another 5 minutes pleeeease'. The 3yo still often screams and struggles as she is installed in her car seat but is usually sound asleep by the time she reaches home - ten minutes away. Lord knows what the neighbours think we are doing to her. I really don't care but do see their curtains twitch blush.
Just a phase it will resolve itself given time.

Jodi Thu 06-Dec-12 15:41:57

gracesmum is spot on. It is fun at Nanny's, she is a soft touch, she does spoil you rotten, etc. I've had to drive my grandson home crying hysterically, when he's stayed for the weekend and he's had to be dragged from the car screaming 'I want to stay with Nanny'. It doesn't help my fragile relationship with my controlling daughter either. But I know five minutes later he's forgotten me and yes they are manipulating little Bs so adorable!

If he's still doing it at 14 then I'd start to worry hmm

Elegran Thu 06-Dec-12 16:15:53

Could you give him something of yours to "look after" until the next time he comes?

whenim64 Thu 06-Dec-12 16:59:01

I agree wholeheartedly with gracesmum. Children pick up on your vibes and if you are anticipating tears on leaving, they're bound to happen. In its extreme, I have seen a grandmother manipulating her grandson to cling to her, and when it was pointed out to her, she hadn't realised that the language she used with the child was having such a strong effect. Half an hour before mum was due to pick him up she would say 'you have to go home soon' or 'you can't stay with granny all the time, even though she loves you more than anyone.' She was setting him up for a scene when mum arrived.

He has to go home with mum and you have to be strong and positive and behave as if going home is the best thing in the world.

Nelliemoser Thu 06-Dec-12 18:04:44

I also think children of that age do just cry like that to try to get there own way.
My DD did that if she was enjoying anything that had to stop. I have had to remove her bodily and sobbing heartbrokenly, from play grounds, swimming pools and out of the bath. Just ignoring her yells was the only tactic. Trying to reason with a smart 2/3 year old barrack room lawyer leads nowhere!

She survived these apparent traumas quite unscathed.

whenim64 Thu 06-Dec-12 18:34:12

My nephew used to slide down the glass front door sobbing 'mummeeee' when he was left with my mum. As soon as my sister was no longer in sight, he would get up and start playing with a smile on his face. My sister was distraught until she forgot something one day and came back to see for herself that he was happily playing.

JessM Thu 06-Dec-12 18:47:17

I remember one child in our family who, when little, used to fall over, look around to see if there was any possibility of getting sympathy, and if a sympathetic adult in sight, would bawl her head off. If she thought no one was looking she would get up and carry on without a tear. grin

CHEELU Thu 06-Dec-12 19:07:17

Its been so amazing reading all your advise and comments. I could hardly believe that it went on so much. I blamed it on everything from the fact that his Mum n Dad were not together to it somehow being my fault, as it happens its just kind of normal!!!! I just HATE seeing him cry from the bottom of his heart like that. I always say to him Mummy has really missed you to try aand get him to want to go. My husband has also said to me when he sees me getting upset that by the time they get to the end of the road it will all be forgotten. I have to say that I cried while reading HildaW's advise, it was such good advise and so kindly and delicately put it made me calm down about it all and to sometimes just let things happen and realise that they are not as serious as first thought..and its quite strange to me that people that I don't even know are willing and wanting to help me and it has made such a difference to me and I am very grateful to everyone that commented Thank you very much x I feel a bit braver now and thats got to be a good thing for everyone.