Gransnet forums


personal comments

(28 Posts)
celebgran Mon 07-Jan-13 11:28:25

Am battling with slimming world as some of you know - really trying this time, but I do realise I am at least 2 stone overweight.

I have been this weight for about 10 years give or take 7lb ie I lost 4 or 5 lb and put it back yo ho.
A good friend I was chatting to this morning, saw New Year said I was shocked at how much weight you had put on!
I pointed out that I have n`t!
That remark really hurt me, I know I need to lose weight but not like I suddenly put it all on!!

vampirequeen Mon 07-Jan-13 11:31:24

People feel they are motivating you when they comment on your weight when nine times out of ten they're being bloody rude.

Ana Mon 07-Jan-13 11:34:32

By anyone's standards that was an extremely tactless, if not downright rude comment! I'm not surprised you felt hurt, celebgran - how would she have felt if you'd said you were 'shocked' at how wrinkly she'd become? wink

gracesmum Mon 07-Jan-13 11:39:54

Poor you celeb some people are just born with their foot in their mouth!
Some friend!
However, there are more subtle ways of telling a person they have weight to lose (like you I should be at least 2 stone lighter - but one would do!)
1) (from your mum or an older man) You're looking well
2) (from a friend - usually slimmer) you always lookk so elegant/well turned out
3) (partner) I like you as you are
4) (also a friend, but not necessarily slimmer) You don't want to lose too much it will make your face look gaunt
5) (grandchildren )I like my cuddly granny
You have to do what is right for you and people need to support, not undermine you but also not be so RUDE!!!
(Talking of undermining, I used to have a teaching colleague who was a size herself and used to bring cakes/buns/even cold bread pudding into work on a regular basis - this always undermined those of us trying to lose weight and she probably felt in good company.
The psychology of weight is a complex thing!
I have put on 8 pounds over the last 3 months and Christmas and the run up to it hasn't helped so I am with you 100%

nanaej Mon 07-Jan-13 11:41:00

Unkind and thoughtless remark! Perhaps she had put on weight herself and she just felt a bit bitchy in trying to make herself feel better!

I have 3 stone to lose to be an 'ideal' weight. I would be happy to lose a stone tbh! I have two weddings to go to this year to go to so some focused incentive.

I used to run a slimming magazine slimming club so know all the rules: eat less / move more!

glammanana Mon 07-Jan-13 11:41:11

celebgran ask your friend why do they make clothes with elastic waists that was always my mums response for unwanted comments like that,is she a good friend ? if she is she would know how hurt you would be.Ignore and you carry on as normal

glassortwo Mon 07-Jan-13 11:44:20

celeb that was uncalled for........ but you give it a few weeks and you will show her how good you look wink

Movedalot Mon 07-Jan-13 11:59:44

I would drop that so called 'friend'. How could anyone say that without knowing it would hurt? Not possible. There are plenty of far nicer people out there, dump her.

Grannyknot Mon 07-Jan-13 12:16:13

How hurtful. Tell that person to go and take a running jump. (now that's an expression I haven't used for a while).

celebgran Mon 07-Jan-13 13:30:49

thank you ladies I feel so much better now as am bit sensitive glad not just me thought it rude!!

Have known her another Anne for long while - she can say daft things as my husband pointed out, he knew her before me as she was shop assistant in boots when he was manager.

I felt like being spiteful and saying gosh was shocked how scruffy you looked!
am afraid am going to scale down that friendship now as there is no need for that sort of rudeness.

She is sort of girl who you can phone no matter what has gone wrong and we have supported each other a lot over years, since her OH Retired she is not allowed to use phone and they never invite us their so we just meet them at the social club so is bit of strange friendship, we are all different, but I got fed up of giving them hospitality and not getting any back so we just have meal out with them or as said drinks at our club.

introduced them to our good friends who we also go to social club with and that not been one of my best ideas as 6 can be funny no!!!??
I feel sorry for her as her OH Never takes her out hardly at all, but suddenly I could not care less!!!!!!
thanks to you all for lovely messages.
tend to agree movedalot not possible to say that without knowing how rude it is.
since my daughter cut us out I am very wary of losing anyone else!
not that wary though!!

JessM Mon 07-Jan-13 14:42:29

celeb yes probably rude and insensitive. Some people are "blurters" though. it is possible that her inner image of you had not adjusted for a few years? Still rude of course. My poor DIL when she was a sensitive and slightly chubby teenager, had a grandad who used to say "What weight are you now X?" every time he saw her. shock Massively insensitive but doubtless did not cross his mind that he was doing anything wrong!
I think you should decide whether or not you want to continue this friendship based on the whole package, in the balance, and not on basis of a single hurtful comment. Give yourself a few days to weigh things up.
graces I think your number 2 is a bit over sensitive. It could be a genuine complement. If I said that to you it certainly would not mean that I thought you had put on weight. And actually, having met you, you do look elegant and well turned out. Positively chic. So there. [tongue sticky out emoticon much yearned for by jo5]

Greatnan Mon 07-Jan-13 15:03:57

Weight loss seems to trigger as many remarks as weight gain! I didn't set out to lose weight but it fell off when I started walking for several hours a day up steep mountain paths. I have now hit a plateau at just around 10 stone, having been almost 12 stone two years ago. Several people have remarked that I shouldn't lose any more at my age (72) and I am aware that I look older, my arms are very thin and I have virtually lost my bust.
However, my appearance is of no importance to me, and my health has benefited in so many ways.
I have just spent three weeks with my sister, who is unable to exercise because of health problems and has obviously put on a lot of weight. She does seem to eat a great deal of sweet snacks such as biscuits, cakes, and chocolate and also has large amounts of bread and potatoes. I have put on a couple of pounds whilst staying with her, as I did not like to ask for smaller portions in case she thought I was passing a comment on the amount she eats. Her doctor wants her to take a blood sugar test but she says it is inconvenient as it means fasting until the test, then for two hours afterwards when a second test is done. Our brother had both legs amputated because of diabetes and I am really worried about her. She is an intelligent person and must know that her weight is having a deleterious effect on her heart, spine, and circulation problems. Her legs are very swollen and she has already had one knee replacement operation.
Is there any way I could encourage her , firstly to lose weight, and secondly, to get tested for diabetes? She is rather 'prickly' and I don't want to upset her.

celebgran Mon 07-Jan-13 19:14:25

yes will give it few days to settle but the remark will rankle for lot longer I reckon, thanks Jess M wise advice.

i HAVE put on lot weight since first me her of course, had she explained it like that would not have been so hurtful.
never mind get over it as they say!!

crimson Mon 07-Jan-13 19:21:34

celebrgran; I'm just wondering if you mentioned your concern to her about your weight and she sort of got herself in a hole and then kept digging? I've put on a lot of weight over the past year or so and very few of my clothes fit; when I mention anything to friends or work colleagues they just laugh and say what on earth am I worrying about; in some ways I wish they'd just point out that yes, I was looking heavier. When people voice concerns over weight it's sometimes dificult to gauge the response they want.

gracesmum Mon 07-Jan-13 19:29:13

Funny thin is tht if someone says Gosh you've lost weight! we take it as a compliment. At his last check-up DH's consultant saud he should keep an eye on his weight ....and if he found he was losing weight, get back to a doctor! Honestly I feel we are like Jack and Mrs Sprat sometimes.
Thanks JessM - but I know you were saying "Who's had all the pies?!!!" [sticky out tongue] emoticon

gracesmum Mon 07-Jan-13 19:29:39

Freuduan slip there thin when I meant thing!!!

jeni Mon 07-Jan-13 19:34:44

I know I'm fat and don't care. I am trying to diet (again) but I prefer to think of myself as Junoesque.
After all, I have the same measurements as the Venus de Milo. But am considerably lighter!

Nanado Mon 07-Jan-13 19:37:31

Sometimes only a good friend will tell it as it is hmm ????

gracesmum Mon 07-Jan-13 19:44:41

She's made of marble, jeni and if I may be so bold, 'armless - no reason not to get legless though!! grin

jeni Mon 07-Jan-13 19:49:19

She's made of marble. But she is 'armless!

jeni Mon 07-Jan-13 19:51:19

Sorry, we crossed. I was just having an unexpected Skype with dd and DGD who apparently wanted to talk to gragran?

seasider Tue 08-Jan-13 00:37:38

My youngest son is a little bit overweight. He eats healthily but is not a fan of exercise so we joined our local Mend group which teaches children about healthy eating/ exercise. The children are not encouraged to diet, their weight is never discussed in the group and the word fat is never used. My best friend (my son's godmother) was with us and a group of others having a meal at a local fish and chip restaurant when she said very loudly your fat club won't approve of this! Even though she is my friend I wanted to really have a go at her because it had taken me some time to get my son to the club and he was a bit embarrassed about going. angry

JessM Tue 08-Jan-13 11:44:11

You need to take her aside and tell her never ever to say something so tactless to a sensitive teenager again. As she is is godmother the option of consigning here into the outer darkeness of your life is not really an option. angry indeed.

nanaej Tue 08-Jan-13 12:51:17

greatnan not sure how you can make your sister take the test..but you are right she should & ry to eat more healthily. It must be a bit worrying for you.

I am trying hard to be more healthy in my eating habits and to walk more! I would love to lose weight for both health and appearance!

celebgran Tue 08-Jan-13 18:37:43

seaside how horribly tactless your friend was, out of respect to your son I would have had quiet word with her.