We now have a date

Oh yes, anno. I didn't mean to accuse anyone, and certainly not you. I just think the traditional view that you mention is sexist – for which there are historical reasons that make sense even if one doesn't like them. I'm glad things are changing for women, if slowly in some places.

And the 'traditional view' is not the view I ever took, nor that of either of the people I married. Don't worry, I'm used to being a freak

And they are the ^BRIDE'S* maids

Bags, I am the last person to be sexist but in calling it the bride's 'big day'. I was simply going along with the traditional view. The spotlight is usually on the bride although of course it's an equally important day for her groom.

So much is made these days about the 'wedding'. While it is nice to have all the trimmings, it is just one day. The important thing is the rest of the couples life.

I wanted a quiet wedding with just a 'best woman', As I have two sisters and I didn't want to have to make a choice between them I chose my best friend and told mys sisters why. As, although I wore white (at my mothers insistence) I didn't wear a wedding dress and my 'best woman' just dressed herself appropriately for a wedding on a cold February day, in a suit that her grandmother would have worn, my sisters were quite happy not to be chosen.

Oh do stay out of this one. Its the Bride and Groom's choice.
We had a family wedding this year and no bride's maids (just bride's sister as a sort of 'matron/attendent' but as there were quite a few young children attending the bride and groom organised large 'goody bags' for each of the children. When we came to sit down for the meal at each of thier places was a beautifully wrapped and appropriate gift. It ensure each child felt special and had something to play with during the meal. I do hope it is a lovely day for you all.

I think that when I got married (both times), it was the 'big day', to use the phrase that seems to be in vogue, of both me and the person I married, not mine alone. Not that it was such a big deal anyway; in both cases we were just tying the knot so to speak in a conventional sort of way with minimal fuss and bother and expense. No best man, no bridesmaids, just a few pals to wish us well and, the second time, my daughters.

Nothing personal, but saying it's the bride's big day is rather sexist, I think. Specially nowadays when most brides aren't virgins.

(hey, expense is an exception to the 'rule' that applies to similar words: e.g. licence/license)

Don't bring it up IMO. Its really the brides choice and she shouldn't feel pressured into choosing any particular person. I don't really understand why your DD is upset - she is an adult and should know this. Absolutly not worth having drama over. I agree with the poster above who said its not a slight against anyone - most brides I know choose bridesmaids from friends and close family on their side.

I was able to organise my own wedding 4000 miles away from my mother and without any bridesmaids at all. Weddings should be joyful and not occasions for family dissent. If the bride has to bend over backwards to avoid giving offence, it's not going to be much fun for her. And it is, above all, her big day.

jenilol

I upset my aunts by not having their DDs, I wanted adults. It was their own fault for keep on telling me about my behaviour at their weddings!

Sorry, excuse the typo's !

I agree with those who have advised staying out of the argument. it is the brides choice and the main function of the bridesmaids is to support and help the bride. Yes, make sure your DGD has apretty outfit and make a fuss of her, she can still enjoy allmthe other aspects of the wedding. Personally, I never understand people having bridesmaids under the age of about 12 , especially tiny ones who are just there to look cute. Hope all goes well and you all have a lovely day.

Good idea Glamma say and do nothing, it will only come back to haunt you later. These" little" family tiffs can run and run if you let them. Enjoy choosing your outfit and relax

Thanks to everyone for reply's I do think I will retreat from the ongoing arrangements and keep my thought's to myself and just concentrate on the day in question and ofcourse the outfit.Thanks xx glamma

Looks as if there's something to be said for a simple wedding with the minimum possible number of 'traditions' and (other people's) 'expectations' adhered to. Good luck with keeping everyone cheerful, glam (I'm sure you will ) and I hope all goes well.

When I got married I only wanted two grown-up bridesmaids but my mother said she would not allow me to marry if I did not include my 10 year old sister. I went to meet my mother and sister to look at material for the dresses but when I got there they had already bought mine and the bridesmaid dress material. To say I was annoyed was an understatement. I did include my younger sister but I waited until I was 21 so that I didn't need my parents permission to marry.
I never mentioned the incident again but as you see in more than 45 ears I have not forgotten.
Least said soonest mended glamma

O dear Glamma best keep lips tightly buttoned. DD1 was VERY upset when DD2 married and did not include DGD (DD1's child) in the wedding party. Very difficult as DD1 was bridesmaid! It led to a very difficult year but it is the bride's decision (which was pointed out to DD1 on many occasions and she was a rather difficult bride when it was her turn!!). In the end, it sorted itself out, but my advice would be to just listen to your DD and DS and encourage them to remember it is the bride's day and being invited is a privilege. Have a lovely day in September

DD3 asked her 2 sisters and 2 friends to be bridesmaids; and dear little 5 year old niece (DD1's child) was not asked. DD1 did not take offence; she just put her daughter in a very pretty dress and we all made a point of saying how pretty she looked and taking pics of her.

I was surprised she was not asked, but kept lip buttoned. The event went of brilliantly and npo family rifts - least said soonest mended I htink.

I think I probably upset my husband's 4 nieces years ago when we got married. They were all aged between 6 and 10 years old and I really was not looking for an entourage and would have had to ask all of them! I just chose a close friend to be a bridesmaid..she was the best man's girlfriend.

Your future DiL may have friends with little girls and said she is only having adult attendants to avoid leaving anyone out..tricky time for all!

Have a lovely day when it gets here!

Glamma , "the joys of weddings " . Don"t fret , will sort itself out .

^^should say I am leaving this for a while,(gremlins)

Granny23 what a really good idea thanks so much I amy leave this for a while and see how things go but such a good way of having her involved a wee bit.

It depends how old your DGD is but a similar dilemma was solved at my friends son's wedding by (with the bride's permission) buying the little girl a fab party frock and having her present a lucky horeshoe and heather to the bride after the ceremony when the photos were being taken. Result! Wee girl felt she was part of the celebration and appeared in the album, bride had her chosen adult bridesmaid to support her without having to worry about supervising a child attendant.

nightowl thanks for the xxs and advice DGD is 10 so she is not a baby and she knows how to behave at services as she serves on Sunday at Church on the Altar,I know it's the Brides choice and will understand,I think I am feeling this more as we where living abroad when DD got married and I was not hands on to go and do all the picking and choosing with her but am feeling for DD as she had her brother living with her for 4yrs and the children are very close to him so I can understand why DD thought maybe DGD might be asked.I will stand back and let thing go with the flow don't want any bad feeling with anything and this girl is so good for him,I may just take DGD for that special dress myself when I go to choose my "Cilla Black" type 'at.