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husband blaming me for this-help!

(21 Posts)
Bermeir Sat 19-Jan-13 13:32:19

Mum-in-law sent us a letter saying that she was going to visit us today. We received it on wednesday. My husband is aware of the letter as it was addressed to him. We waited in for her but she did not show up; husband rang her and asked where she was. Cue screaming argument that we had not confirmed her visit by ringing her. Husband is now blaming me as the letter said to ring her! I'm fuming. I just feel that he should have had the common sense to call her up about the visit and doesn't need me to point this out! He said he was going to call her but did not bother after all. I feel the blame is unjustified AIBU?

Ana Sat 19-Jan-13 13:37:56

Bermeir, you posted about someone visiting and wanting telephone confirmation earlier in the week, so I'm not sure why you didn't just phone your mum-in-law yourself, or remind your DH to do it. confused

Movedalot Sat 19-Jan-13 13:38:09

Some men just have difficulty in admitting they are wrong. Some women too but I think it is more a male trait. I will now duck grin

tanith Sat 19-Jan-13 13:43:32

From what you've said it sounds as though you read the letter but husband didn't as you say he was 'aware' of the letter. If he actually didn't read it does that mean you told him he had to ring and then he didn't bother? If thats the case then its his own fault as you say, but if you read the letter and then didn't point this out then I guess he has a point.

I may of understood you wrongly of course..

Ceesnan Sat 19-Jan-13 13:50:26

No YRNBU, she is his Mum after all!! He had read the letter, so was aware she wanted a call to confirm. If he couldn't be bothered, and didn't ask you to do it then tough! If you are feeling saintly I suppose you could ring her yourself and arrange another visit, while making it quite clear who the fault lies with for the current unfortunate episode. On the other hand make him do it!

Bermeir Sat 19-Jan-13 14:23:03

He couldn't find it initially. I found it and told him so. He could have read it and chose not to. I asked him if he'd rung her on thursday. 'No not yet' he said. I said that he'd better do it.

Mind you, who the blazes sends a letter for this sort of thing, anyway?! We have a landline AND husband has mobile phone and e-mail!

Bermeir Sat 19-Jan-13 14:23:49

She knows he has a mobile phone and e-mail as she has e-mailed him previously.

cheelu Sat 19-Jan-13 14:36:31

Men do sometimes see us wives as wife/secretary I used to get it with my husband...but I'm with you on this one, its his Mum not yours so why would it be your job to ring her and confirm...

Bermeir Sat 19-Jan-13 14:48:00

Thanks for moral support, folks. I'm not going to be blamed; I'm sorry for the mix-up but, while I'm fine with nudging my husband, I'm not going to ring his mother for him.

Nelliemoser Sat 19-Jan-13 15:12:05

Its his mother and his letter.
Why could she not ring?
If she made a "screaming argument about it" and is known to do thay sort of thing perhaps her son was trying to avoid a visit! grin

I do know how you feel. My DH will take no responsibility for anything and alway blames everybody and everything but himself. It drives me crazy.

nanaej Sat 19-Jan-13 15:33:49

similar frustrating situation in our house but involves football not MiLs! DH is a devoted football fan & season ticket holder. I have asked him to put all matches onto the calendar so that other social events etc can be arranged accordingly. Not his fault but matches are often switched after first programme of dates are set to accommodate TV companies times but he never updates the calendar and then gets annoyed if I inadvertently double booked! hmm

Ahh! just had an idea for a new thread!

annodomini Sat 19-Jan-13 16:00:08

My ex could break a plate in an empty room and I'd get the blame. I hope I trained our sons better!

glammanana Sat 19-Jan-13 18:03:55

He may be putting the blame on you because he got the wrath of his mother and it made him feel guilty,he would not admit to his mum he had forgotten to ring would he ? when do men confess it's their fault ?

petra Sat 19-Jan-13 18:07:40

What is it with men and social engagements. My OH is the most sociable friendly person you could wish to meet. But if it was left to him to catch up with friends and family I do believe we would never see a soul.
Well I would, because I make sure that I keep in touch with all my friends.

nanaej Sat 19-Jan-13 18:43:44

petra so true! my DH is not the best at initiating social get-togethers unless specifically told it is his turn to do so!

Also the uncertainty about when his is/is not at footie matches sometimes means I realise that we have a clear weekend when we could have done something but it is too late to arrange things! confused

merlotgran Sat 19-Jan-13 18:51:41

My MIL always used to arrange visits with me so there was never any confusion. I would have rung her anyway Bermeir. Nothing like being in control. wink

POGS Sat 19-Jan-13 19:55:10

I would ring your MIL and reiterate you are sorry there was some confusion over her visit.

I would be firm though and remind her that it could have easily been the case that her letter could have got lost in the post and that too would have caused the same situation. Therefore it will be better to lay down a ground rule that if she has not had a phone call from you, ring and check all o.k. If you instill in her that she is always welcome and you look forward to her visits if that doesn't work, well, not your problem you will have tried your best. Good luck.

annodomini Sat 19-Jan-13 20:32:46

As a 21st Century MiL, I don't communicate by post - I didn't think anyone did nowadays. Both my sons keep in touch by phone, email and text and so do I. Why is it that in an age of mass communication, so many families are so bad at keeping in touch with each other?
Why doesn't your husband phone his mum regularly? She's his mother and it isn't your fault if he can't be bothered to answer her letter.

specki4eyes Sat 19-Jan-13 22:51:38

Honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long in the land that the Lord thy God hath given thee. I am not a religious person nowadays but I know the ten commandments and make them my code. His mother = his duty. My son once forgot my birthday and said it was his wife's fault for not reminding him !!!!!!!!
Speaking of men and their refusal to engage with domestic trivia - my DH stubbornly refuses to write on the chalkboard in the kitchen when he sees that an essential item will soon need to be replenished. He then feigns surprise when there are o tea bags/honey/coffee etc. and implies that I am inefficient. Grr!!

specki4eyes Sat 19-Jan-13 22:53:18

should read 'no teabags/honey...' smile

sandymac Sat 19-Jan-13 23:09:48

Annodomini I agree entirely about the lack of communication these days. But I would dearly love to be phoned bt my dil,s for a change. My ds,s are very busy with stressful work but they do keep in touch fairly regularly. It would be a shame to fall out over this as no one knows what is round the corner.