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9 year old wearing make-up!

(52 Posts)
Yummygran Mon 04-Mar-13 09:49:39

I'm sure there will have been many previous discussions on this subject but this morning I am so incensed!!....I have just seen photos of my nine year old GD posted on facebook taken over the weekend on a day out with her mother, wearing eye-liner; mascara; eye shadow; blusher and lipstick!!! I can't tell you how angry, sad and worried I am for her. I remember hearing her mother sayting that she wanted to be best friends with her daugther as she grew up, and as far as I can see she is encouraging her to grow up far too early. Am I being old fashioned to think that a nine year old is still a child?!

My son and his partner are no longer together, both have gone on to have new partners and a son each. I spoke to my DS about it, saying how 'unimpressed' I was. He said the same but says he feels powerless to do anything. He has a difficult relationship with his ex, and often has to tread on egg-shells to keep the peace otherwise she stops him seeing his daugther.

My ex DIL seems oblivioius to the dangers for young girls, encouraging her in this way one minute, then saying how she feels she's growing up too fast the next! My GD knows that Grandma 'doesn't like make-up' and doesn't wear it when she is with her father. But there are more and more photos of her posing provocatively and it scares me!

Yummygran Thu 07-Mar-13 13:34:08

Oh BAnanas, we could be talking about the same family!

My son's ex has actually admitted to me that she deliberately got pregnant because she wanted a child with my son, to keep him. She was 19 and he 21. He did the right thing by her and the baby and bought a house, was a devoted father, and was devastated when, only two years later, she had an affair with an ex boyfriend, who she has subsequently had another child with and now married.

She admited how immature she was at the time, but unfortunately is, in my opinion, still immature with the way she is bringing up my GD., trying to 'buy' her love by giving her material things, rather than quality time. She often complains when she has her 'all weekend', if my son is unable to have her because of his work shift pattern. What she can't see is that my GD has no respect for her, always preferring to be with her father, who is the disciplinarian, but spends as much free time as he can with her doing fun things together that are age appropriate.

My GD's other Grandmother is not a good role model, having had four children by different fathers, non of whom are around now. It does worry me for the future!

Yummygran Thu 07-Mar-13 15:15:25

BAnanas, you and I could be speaking of the same family. My son's ex has admitted to me she deliberately got pregnant with my GD to keep my son. She was 19 he 21. He did everything he could, struggled to get a mortgage and bought a nice house, was a great hands-on Dad, but she left him two years later for her ex boyfriend, who she went on to have another child with and since has married. My son was devastated.

She has behaved very immaturely over lots of issues. She doesn't seem to realise that she has no respect from my GD who prefers to be with my son though he is the disciplinarian, he spends as much quality time with her as he can, when work allows, so they do fun, age appropriate, things together. Whilst her mother wants to be her 'friend', letting her stay up late, watch inappropriate TV films etc and buys her (in my opinion) grown up technology to win her over.

Yummygran Thu 07-Mar-13 15:19:15

Oops.... thought my comment hadn't appeared and typed it again.......confused

specki4eyes Thu 07-Mar-13 21:04:59

My DGD recently started wearing high heels. She is 8! To see her trying to run around at play like a normal 8 year old, whilst wearing 2" heels breaks my heart. And the shoes are cheap patent leather fakes. Her mother is a shoe freak - Jimmy Choos are HER favourite, so money is no object obviously. DGD'S ears were pierced when she was 6 and she also mimes suggestively to that I'm sexy and I know it song. Danger danger!!! Can't say a thing now that I'm an ex-MIL for fear of being banned from seeing my DGD.

pinkprincess Thu 07-Mar-13 23:42:40

My youngest grandaughter is 10 and has never has worn makeup until today, when for World Book Day she went as a St Trinian's schoolgirl and DIL put blusher and lipstick on her.DS was not happy about it though, and insisted she washed her face as soon as she came home.
My main worry is that she is taller than average, and dressed as a St Trainians girl in short skirt, black tights and a white blouse opened at the top she could have been taken for being much older.I collected her from school and hardly recognised her.Thank goodness she will be back in school uniform tomorrow and in her age appropiate clothes at the weekend.I was with my DS all the way about his concern.He has three older daughters from his first marriage the youngest who is 16 is causing alot of problems just now so he is doubly worried.

soop Fri 08-Mar-13 13:59:26

specki my heart aches for you. sad

RecycledTeenager Fri 08-Mar-13 14:13:04

I have 10 grandchildren ranging from 22 years of age down to 7. I am still the head of the family. If I found any of my Granddaughters going out with make up on there would be hell to pay, they would be told to get that much washed off right quick and their parents would get told in no uncertain terms to rapidly sort themselves out. Some children are made to look far older than they really are and then parents wonder why they get into trouble. When did parents stop being parents? When I am out around town I often wonder who are the parents and who are the children as it seems, in some cases, the children are 'ruling the roost' so to speak. My children are still my children no matter how many children they have and were brought up to have respect. If I think they are going 'off the rails' with their children then they get told. My Grandchildren know my rules and I never have any trouble with them. Probably why they are always wanting to stay because they know exactly what they can and can't do without any shouting or fuss. Perhaps some would class me as out of date but at least my children and grandchildren have manners and respect no matter where they go.

soop Fri 08-Mar-13 15:06:37

Bravo! Recycled flowers

BAnanas Fri 08-Mar-13 15:18:15

Yummygran and specki4eyes appreciated both your posts, it's good sometimes to share similar concerns, GN has proved very good in this respect and it also helps to draw on, or just read about other's experiences.

LullyDully Fri 08-Mar-13 18:33:14

Perhaps a little light make up at 16 surely!!!!!!! Not for a 9 year old no way. shock

Jadey Fri 08-Mar-13 18:51:02

I totally agree with lullydully

Ana Fri 08-Mar-13 18:56:49

While I agree with all the concerns raised on this thread about little girls wearing makeup, I think it's a bit optimistic to hope that they'd wait until they were 16. Peer pressure is a powerful thing!

LullyDully Fri 08-Mar-13 18:59:57

I just thought 22 was too old to wait for Gran to say you could wear make up however much the head of the house she was. wink

annodomini Fri 08-Mar-13 19:17:17

I was wearing a bit of lipstick 56 years ago when I was 16. I often 'inherited' stubs of old lipsticks from my two grown-up cousins. Even my matriarchal granny wouldn't have told me not to wear make up and my mum would have taken it very much amiss if she had interfered. I was out to lunch with my 21-year-old GD who seemed to have rather more make-up than usual. I did comment, but with a smile and she took it in good part - she knows me all too well. And finally I wouldn't dream of calling myself the head of the family nor would I dictate to my two DSs and their OHs how to bring up their families. If they want/need advice they know where to come.

positivepam Fri 08-Mar-13 23:05:04

Annodomini, I totally agree with you I think that to think that we have the right to dictate any views on the upbringing of our DGC is a very arrogant one. Just because we may have given birth to the parent does not mean we are right or have the right to tell them how to bring them up. I would not have been happy if my mother had called herself the head of the family and told me how to rear my children, (not that she would have done though). We are a different generation and they have the right to bring up their children how they think is best, unless of course they are putting them in danger of course and lets face it, how many parents would actually do that deliberately? No, I don't like to see little girls out in make up or with pierced ears and so my DDs didn't do that. I am always there if advice is wanted and many times they will come and ask, but I would never push my ideas on them, I love them too much and also trust that they will choose the best way to go.

Yummygran Mon 11-Mar-13 09:54:33

I agree, I don't dictate and don't push my views too much. Neither my Mother or MIL did that either and I appreciated them for it. I often asked their advice on matters, but they left us to raise our sons as we saw fit and that is how I try to be. I tread carefully, particularly with one DIL!

Ana you're right, peer pressure is powerful and I quite understand my GD wanting to wear make-up when a teenager, I did when I was that age, probably wearing a little eye shadow from about 15 onwards. But my GD thinks she should be wearing it now and her Mother has actively encouraged her!

annodomini Mon 11-Mar-13 10:48:23

Does anyone else think that recycledteenager's post was something of a leg-pull?

Elegran Mon 11-Mar-13 10:52:01

Her post sounded very much like my grandmother, but she has been dead since the mid-sixties. A lot of things have changed since then and most of us have caught up.

Ana Mon 11-Mar-13 10:55:49

Well, I can imagine the reaction I'd get if I told mine 'in no uncertain terms' to sort themselves out! Or that they were 'going off the rails' with the GC! grin

Grannyeggs Mon 11-Mar-13 11:28:41

Secretly I would sometimes love to be that person who runs the family and is used to her word being listened to and obeyed, but in reality I would never be spoken to again if I tried it! It works better if I tell them they are all doing a great job and will only give advice when asked and even then not expect it always to be taken.

maxgran Tue 12-Mar-13 12:19:02

Recycled teenager,
I feel the same as you do. My children don't always agree with me and they allow their children to do things I probably wouldn't - however, they all know if I disgagree with something ! and especially at my house or when with me, the grandchildren follow my 'rules'

The funny thing is - that my grandchildren also always want to come to my house or go out with me because there is no confusion - whats acceptable or not has long been established and there are no tantrums or shouting. We just have a good time. I notice the minute they are back with their parents - the moaning and the tantrum like behaviour comes out again!

Yummygran Tue 12-Mar-13 15:26:41

Children need to have clear boundaries, and I believe when they do have they respond to them positively. It is often the case that children behave well when with the carer who sets such boundaries, but then when they are with the carer who doesn't have such boundaries their behaviour is not so good.

During the war you would often see families run by a forbidding Matriarch, I couldn't be as dictatorial as Recycled teenager however, I would never see my family again!

GrumpyOldMan Mon 08-Apr-13 12:00:52

I agree wholeheartedly that makeup for a young girl is bad, inappropriate and enticing paedophiles.
However I am even more interested in getting rid of makeup from everyone.
There is no need to cover up those beautiful wrinkles, bags under the eyes etc and young women just do not need it.
Thank goodness my better half has agreed with me. I really really dislike the taste of grease and chemicals when I attempt to kiss a woman ( or girl?). and the stench around some women (and occasionally men) is thoroughly offputting!

whenim64 Mon 08-Apr-13 12:26:14

GrumpyOldMan paedophiles are not necessarily interested in children wearing makeup if it makes them look older. In those cases where they have rationalised that the child was behaving in some way that led them to believe the child was inviting an assault, the child has done absolutely nothing to warrant this. Makeup would make no difference. Any child should be free to dress up like mummy or wear sparkly Barbie eyeshadow to a party in complete security.

I don't like to see children in makeup, either. There's time enough for that when they are older.

harrigran Mon 08-Apr-13 22:12:11

I think that is a little harsh Grumpy stench around some women I bet you are popular around ladies hmm