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why do some people always land on their feet?

(16 Posts)
seasider Fri 05-Apr-13 22:54:10

Ex-DH left me some years ago for my best friend. He took all our money from the bank, left us in a house with no furniture, refused to pay child maintenance and generally made my life miserable. They are still together and in recent years relations have thawed a bit due to weddings, christenings etc. He is a good earner and they have a lovely home, lots of nights out and exotic holidays whereas all my money went on children, university etc and I am still playing catch up. Ex MIL died a few months ago and they are to inherit a sizeable sum. Is it unreasonable to feel a bit peeved?
Incidentally ex-DH has a great relationship with his children, who are now adults, but this is partly due to my refusal to criticise him to them even though he treated me so badly

glammanana Fri 05-Apr-13 23:02:41

seasider well done you on a good job with your DCs you sound just like my DD,her x left her in a financial mess which she has cleared herself and she is also helping with our support to fund DGS1 at uni and she has never spoken about her x in front of the little ones (little ones are only 9 & 11) but there is a well known saying I'm sure you know well that "it all comes to those who wait " so it may all come back on him and bite him on the backside,one never knows what is around the

gracesmum Fri 05-Apr-13 23:08:15

You can hold your head up Seasider be proud of the way you have handled things and brought your children up. I know sometimes there seems to be no justice in the world, but your self-respect and strength of character are worth more than any windfall, exotic holidays or whatever. You know what a sh*t he has been in the past and you have not sunk to his level. Be proud of what you have done and who you are flowers

Galen Fri 05-Apr-13 23:25:27

Hear hear!flowers

seasider Fri 05-Apr-13 23:56:03

Thanks so much everybody. You have made me feel better. Guess I am just a teeny bit jealous! It is a sad way to come into money as well. I am sure he would rather have his mum back and she was very generous to her GCs smile

Joan Sat 06-Apr-13 00:52:03

I agree with the others, seasider. You have something that is priceless - your pride, and your peace of mind, knowing that it wasn't you that did the dirty on anyone. Your ex and your ex friend will always have a nasty conscience, however much they try to bury it.

Here is a nice story about someone who always lands on his feet.

Our youngest lad seems to get away with everything: we sometimes use that old expression. 'If he fell off the Co-op roof he'd land in the divvy'.

He first left home after graduating, to live with his girlfriend and her parents. Turns out they were wrong 'uns, into crime, so he left them all after a couple of weeks and came home. As he was pulling into our drive, the bloke next door but one offered his Mum's house to rent at $100 a week including utilities. This was a third of the going rate.

He stayed there for a few years, saving for his own home, and working at a local firm where he met his wife-to-be, a beautiful, highly qualified Chinese/Australian girl.

To get more money for his house, he volunteered to go to Afghanistan. He is an officer in the Australian Army Reserve. Instead, they sent him to East Timor.(a safe draft). Well, I regarded that as good luck, even if he didn't.

There's lots of other stuff - life works out for him, and all the while he is a true hedonist, ensuring he gets as much enjoyment out of life as he can.

Eloethan Sat 06-Apr-13 01:06:16

I would feel exactly the same seasider - since you have worked so hard and he made no contribution, it's perfectly natural to feel a bit jealous. I hope it's some consolation to know that you've done it all on your own and have behaved with dignity and decency throughout.

gillybob Sat 06-Apr-13 08:37:39

I agree with much of what everyone else has said seasider my grandma always says "what goes around comes around" meaning eventually you get your payback for something that you have done in the past whether it be good or bad. I have found that this usually doesn't happen at all. Good things often go to bad people and vice versa. I think we all just have to make the best of what we have and what you have in abundance is pride and decency. It would have been easy for you to bad mouth your ex possibly to the point where he may have lost contact with his children but you didn't you held your head high and good for you. You are the better person because of it. smile

sunseeker Sat 06-Apr-13 10:40:24

seasider I agree with what has already been posted, you have your pride and dignity - and the knowledge that your children have turned out well despite your ex's lack of support.

You don't say what his relationship is like with his wife, but I knew a similar couple, a man left his wife for another woman (known locally as the village bike) they have a lovely house, nice holidays and a seemingly blessed existence - except, they argue continually, she shouts and throws things and the last time I spoke to him he said he wishes he had stayed with his wife - who has now moved on and is living with a really lovely man.

Thistledoo Sat 06-Apr-13 14:11:31

Seasider, you are a woman of courage, feel proud of yourself you have made a wonderful success of your life. I felt very humbled reading your post, so much so it bought tears to my eyes. I am sure your children are very proud of you also. Well done, sending you hugs. flowers

j08 Sat 06-Apr-13 14:17:28

It'll come back to bite the bugger seasider. You'll see. flowers

Mishap Sat 06-Apr-13 14:27:02

seasider - be proud of what you have achieved; and don't beat yourself up about feeling angry that he has now had this money fall into his lap.

My friend is in a very similar situation and works all the hours that god sends (and will have to for many years to come) to keep her children, pay the mortgage and see them through uni - while her ex is rolling in it from legacies and general penny-pinching in regard to his responsibilities to the children.

But she has something that is more precious still - the respect of her children and friends who hold her in very high regard - whereas we think her ex is an unprincipled s**t!

bookdreamer Sat 06-Apr-13 20:41:36

I do hope it comes to bite the bugger on his bum. And it can take a bite at my ex husband's bum as well. Left in much the same situation as yourself but at 60! He's now flashing his cash around to pay for his son's wedding and all that entails whereas I can just about afford the air fare and a new frock.

Still I have lovely children as I'm sure you do.

FlicketyB Sun 07-Apr-13 16:21:12

Seasider, it is a cliché, but it is true, that money isn't everything. You have your self respect, loving children and I would suspect that you have built yourself a happy life built on your own friends and activities.

Your ex may have all the material things but his behaviour to you does suggest that there is a dark side to him and the fact that he and second wife are still together, does not necessarily mean that they are as happy in their lives as you are in yours.

Movedalot Sun 07-Apr-13 16:38:57

seasider no one can see inside someone else's marriage, he may not be as happy as you think. After all he is hardly likely to admit anything is wrong to you. You can face yourself each day with a clear conscience which is worth much, much more than mere money.

I really do hope that what goes around comes around as I hang on to that sometimes. flowers

seasider Wed 10-Apr-13 00:21:54

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and comments. I feel quite proud of myself now! On reflection I realised I have things more precious than money. I have the love and respect of my older children and a younger son with DP. When I told ex-DH I was pregnant his face was a picture! he said he always wanted more children but his wife , who had one child from a previous marriage said no way! She eventually made him have the snip!

Bookdreamer I can only empathise . It must be so hard to start again at sixty. Rest assured your son will just be glad to have you at his wedding. When DCs were young ex-DH used to take them to the cinema, shows, theme parks etc. I used to get so upset that I simply could not afford to spoil them too but now they are adults they have just as fond memories of our cheap & cheerful days out smile