How to talk to little girls...

Yes, it's a shame we don't have a 'like' button. I wonder why not, was it just forgotten when the site was designed?
Jane I remember being fobbed off like that and even at an early age you know that they just can't be bothered to explain don't you?
As the OPoster the reason this article struck a chord is that society still judges women on their looks. The culture is very much alive and well judging by the untalented and vacuous celebrity culture that is celebrated in magazines such as 'Hello' and 'OK' etc.
Of course it's fine to tell someone they look nice, but it's not all about telling little girls how 'pretty' they are all the time. What about those who are not as 'pretty'? What about celebrating characteristics which are not an accident of their genes but ones over which they have some measure of control such as gillybob's kind GD? I have two beautiful GDs but I'm not going to tell them how pretty they are anymore, but I may say instead 'what a lovely smile' or 'that's a kind thing to do'. Looks fade, smiles and kindness last.

My Mother was caring but very good at instilling shame and a lack of confidence into both her daughters. I have still not quite worked out how she did that.

I told my daughters, grandchildren and now great gc not only how beautiful they are, but also how clever, kind, caring, hard-working, etc. There is no need to exclude praise for appearance.
I don't think I ever experienced a single negative comment throughout my childhood and I am sure it helped me to become confident.

Yes, Aka of course little girls are beautiful and we should not stop telling them so, but we should praise other things about them too, even substituting other things for praising their looks sometimes, so that they do not grow up believing that they are not only beautiful but more beautiful than anyone else, or that the most important thing about them is their looks. Unconscious beauty is more attractive then the kind which is always preening and expecting compliments.

Many years ago a friend of mine was talking to one of the BBC ex -newsreaders (I think it was Anna Ford ) and she said she absolutely hated being complimented on her good looks and wanted to be known for her intelligence, personality and being good at her job.

Yes of course it is Elegran

We are agreed, then.

More or less

Challenging stereotypes is almost always a good thing! With the risk of the anti-pc brigade thinking I am a total loon I will say that one of the reasons I often changed words to popular nursery songs when I was teaching was to give girls / boys a chance to have a go at whatever they wanted and not limit their expectations because of gender! e.g 'Five little men in a flying saucer' became 'Five astronauts in a flying saucer' rendering it gender neutral! language is powerful and small changes like that do make a difference. However some aspects of the media used to pick on it and present it as the loony left pc brigade!

My mother didn't focus on my looks but boasted to her friends about my academic achievements. Later, she would turn round and accuse me of being an intellectual snob. I think she was jealous of me because I had opportunities she never had.

I think I was a totally indulged child! I was always told I was beautiful and clever by doting parents and grandparents .... I was not particularly either..but I was a happy child and given enough confidence to have a go at opportunities life offered!

I have just returned from visiting DS and family to help decorate DGC's shared bedroom, DGD, 6, and DGS,3. DGD had most input. She did go through an intensive pink stage, but DDiL tempered it, she might get pink socks and underwear but the line was drawn at the pink Barbie bed in Mothercare and excessively pink girly, in the most cloying sense, toys.

When it came to decorating DDiL thought white would be nice but DGD took over, no, it had to be blue. She and DGS wanted a seaside themed room 'as it is my most favourite place to be'. So they have a red, white and predominantly blue coloured room. However she crumbled slightly when we went to get bedside lamps. DGS has a lamp like a light house with pirate symbols on the lamp shade, hers is pink with a pink patchwork lampshade.

As for answering questions, always answer them, if you do not know say so and then google the answer. Small children need answers but more than anything they need to know how to be able to find things out for themselves. In the past it was reference books and 'Lets go the library and find out'. Now it is google the answer but learn how to distinguish authoritative and reliable sources from those that are anything from the casually inaccurate to the deliberately misleading.

One of my friends is a granddad as well and he was wiring a plug and did not realise his granddaughter was watching from behind.
I think she was about 7 at the time.
She suddenly started asking why one wire was coloured brown, another blue and another green and yellow.
He took the decision to tell her but he did say do not wire up a plug unless Mum, Dad or her grandparents were with her.
A few months later something had to be wired up and she asked to do it and she made a good safe job of it.

Frank

I'm all for that, Frank. All little girls as well as boys should learn basic skills like that, though with moulded plugs on all new appliances, it's not so necessary nowadays. I'd also recommend teaching teenagers how to change a wheel before they take their driving test. My dad did and it stood me in good stead in Africa. Sorry, I've gone off the subject of the OP.

It's a natural drift Anno I think.

I do miss not having to wire plugs any more. I was quicker at it than either of my husbands!

just for fun

Aka

I was astonished when somebody said somebody gave the general impression he was gay a little while ago.
I don't think he is as he is married with 2 daughters and 5 grandchildren.

Frank

You've obviously led a sheltered life, Frank...

My dgd isn't at all interested in dolls etc. she loves rockets, Lego, fire engines iPads (mine) etc!

What has shocked you, aka?

I suspect it was Frank's post.

DGD sees dolls merely as accessories to her role play. starting with 'All Creatures Great and Small' and then to girls of action like Bobby in The Railway Children and Mary Lennox in a 'The Secret Garden'. She has now moved on to real women; Florence Nightingale, Grace Darling, and Mary Anning, oh and Merida, old style. She is clearly getting all the right messages.

Perhaps I should have posted and yes it was HunterF