cut out of thier lives 2

Otw think what you trying to say is we must. To wast the lives we were given on being sad about relationships which have broke. Down and we are powerless to alter?

It is a good positive way to be.

On that note we booked another holiday for September!
Onwards and upwards I refuse to be victim but sometimes like after going through what we did Thursday it really hurts beyond words.

Dollie - you are right. We haven't fallen out but only because I smile and say nothing. Every day I rack my brains to understand why she treats everyone else as though they matter more than us - even people who have treated her badly in the past. Oh well, it's not going to change so I might as well accept it. Hard though. And Otw, I didn't treat my mother particularly well although circumstances of my upbringing were very different (and difficult).

lovely sentiment otw thankyou...

Otw, thanks for your post

Morning to All of you and a Happy New Year .
As you know, I had two deeply upsetting periods of estrangement with my DD last year but thankfully the hell that many of you face daily ( and nightly) is over .

Most of us are , sadly , living without our own beloved parents and I remembered thinking that ( when energised) that was a philosophical route to valuing the days we have left . Our lives have to be full , for they are the lives our parents gave us . Because our children are 'lost' to us ( hopefully for just a short period of a life) we have to forge our own days , our own relationships and our own achievements . Feeding the all too easily accessible melancholia is a spiral that can swallow up our days , so with the memories of our own parents , I wish you luck in striving to fill your days with love and patience with our 'lost' children .

Much love, hugs and strength to everyone of you !

i dont think it will make any difference katy...when my husband died my older daughter ( when she was speaking to me that is) said she wished she had spent more time with her dad!!! wonder if she will say the same about me when ive one ... i doubt it!!!

There are a lot of us going through this to some degree or another. My DD was telling me recently that someone she knows never visits their parents. She said 'I know you move on but they are still your parents'. I wonder how she will feel when her much loved DD 'moves on'.

I think I have a very similar situation Libra. I'm stunned to find that my DD has gone into what is called Low Contact . It's something to do with toxic parents and narcissism. Evidently I am .she will let me have full responsibility for her children but will not phone text or email me. Her husband communicates or via text through my DH but very rarely.

Ladies, great feedback but; I question it all!

It's 04:29 and can't sleep. Just made tea and toast.

Reading these posts again breaks my heart. I don't think MH (mental health) issues should be used as a crutch. My DD is old enough to know what she is doing to me and my OH, she is 38 this year. I don't know much about MH issues, but I won't accept this as my / her problem.

We have looked after these kids for nigh over 9 to 5 yrs, no problem. Now I am an issue!!

I think life is so fast paced and our kids have lost their beliefs and morals which we've all taught them. Is there anyone one here that would have treated their parents like this? I sure as hell wouldn't have.

Why are we here, what have we done, not done??

S
Dollie and iam64 it is just so very sad for us poor grandparents we must try support each other.

My daughter tried to blame my depression despite me. It having fortunately had it of over 12 years and no of course it is nothing to be ashamed of.

I am heartily ashamed of my daughter however now that she can keep this hate vendetta up for so long for no reason and it sickens my heart I gave birth to such an unkind person it helps in way to think she may be unbalance to behave like this.

We been see our friend who lost his wife last year such nice man he has 3 Grandaughters like us but of course he sees his regularly and they come and stay! He sadly without his wife so that is lovely but it hurts to think we don't have that!

dollie, I am not blaming anyone or anything in my post. I'm acknowledging that some of the difficulties we're all facing my be linked to depression, anxiety or other mental health issues in our children. There is no shame in developing depression etc, it can happen to anyone.

I also acknowledge that some people are simply selfish, unkind and self centred to the extent that they are prepared to use their children as pawns in some kind of war, in which the children can't win, and grandparents are bereft.

have to disagree on blaming it on mental health issues amongst families ....kids fall out with parents and the only way they know of to hurt their parents is to stop the contact with the grandchildren!!! its appalling that our kids have stooped so low ...

Mishap's comments are thoughtful and I think she may be right about mental health problems. I suspect that mental health issues in estranged children are at the root of a lot of the family stories in this thread. Librachick' story is so similar to many of us who were very actively involved, and supportive grandparents but find ourselves in such sad places now.
Sending very best wishes to everyone for 2014, let's live in hope, as best we can.

There are types of depression that can cause psychotic symptoms - my own DD had very severe ante-natal depression and her utterances during that time were far from rational. I cannot begin to tell you how worried we were.

It really does sound as though your DD is unwell and I feel for you. Maybe if you can think about this as her being ill rather than "cruel" it will help you to come to terms with what is happening.

I do hope that things will settle down for you in time.

Thank you Celebgran, Yogagirl, Mishap and Dollie. I have never felt so desolate in my life.

Sorry to hear your news Celeb regarding pressies. Our 3 GC didn't get their's either, they're still at ex's house. Wasn't very much, as we usually just spend around £20 each and put £100 NS&I bonds for each, but haven't the bonds this year.

We moved up to Scotland in Nov 2006 to help my DD & SIL, with their growing family. No 1 GS, nearly 2 & DD was pregnant with No 2 GS, we had 1 GS for 2 whole weeks whilst she got to grips with 2 GS. Then we used have them nearly every single Friday and then took them back on a Sat at 3pm, when SIL home, unless there was a Rangers game on, then we took them back after church on a Sunday. When GD was born DD was in hospital for nearly 3 months with SPD, we got the boys into a nursery (& paid) as SIL was working (they have a family farm), looked after them, to & from nursery, SIL would pick them up on Sat around 1pm take them to the hospital, then keep them overnight and we got them back after dinner on a Sunday for the week.

I did all of the boys and DDs washing, took sandwiches in daily, (I worked at the hospital she was in) as she didn't like the hospital food. I took Thursdays pm and Friday am off on annual leave for the three months. didn't work Friday afternoons.

Then when GD was born, found out DD had Post Natal depression after no 2 GS & couldn't cope with the 3 GC. We went to a carers group, to try and understand PND, which was seemingly now depression. SIL wanted nothing to do with our suggestions, told us "she needed to sort her head out, as nothing wrong with me". We tried to help, had the GC all the time, OH would go over during the day if she called and DD would go to bed.

DD made an ultimatum to me 12.11.13 via my OH, if I go to counselling and get help with my drinking problem, then she will come and discuss her appalling upbringing with me and my counsellor!!! You could have knocked me over with a feather. I called my ex and asked if he could speak with her (his princess) and find out what the hell this was all about! He doesn't want to get involved, I said but you were there, you know I didn't drink, you were the drinker, but he wasn't a problem drinker. However, still no from him. Hell I only had my first drink (Sauternes wine) when I was 27yrs old!! If I've ever had a problem it would be since just before Christmas Day 2013!! I'm totally and utterly gob smacked.

I spoke to a very older wiser friend, she said is DD going to counselling, I said my ex said she is and she's fair coming along. She said this happens a lot and usually it will sort its self out!!

This is a girl I've doted on all my life, sent to private school, had a very expensive exchange student placement in USA, spent my life giving her everything I didn't get. We played barbies, shops, hide and seek, built tents, had pretend tea parties, read books, cooked etc etc, all the things that Mums do.

I was a bit strict, I was the disciplinarian, I had to be as "Daddy" worked long and hard, and when he was there, she wrapped him around her little finger, and still does.

I'm at a loss, I don't know how to move forward. It upsets me that, what if the GC's think we don't care anymore, what would she have told them, grandma doesn't want to see you or something like this. We got to call GS 2 and GD on their birthday, but GS1 birthday was December and she wouldn't less us call and say happy birthday. They are now 9, 7 & 5 and I don't know if we'll ever see them again.

How can your own child be so cruel. My mother wasn't the greatest mum, but she did her best. I would never have treated her like this.

Mishap, maybe that's a good idea of yours. I don't have a vast amount of friends, but of those closest to me, three are suffering from the total estrangement of their daughters or sons.
There are some very despairing and desperate posts just now on this thread. It's quite a concern that some of the posters are feeling so terribly low.

So sorry to read these posts - can only send all sympathy for those in such difficult situations. Is there a dedicated online support site for people in this situation who are estranged from their families? Maybe someone here should start one with input from lawyers in the field and a phone line for when things get too tough.

Morning Girls
Hello LibraChick and welcome to the house of sorrows! You have a very sad story, same as us all on here, but being your only child must make it even worst (never thought I could say that!). I do have my NiceD to keep me going, but I've also lost my DS to my narcissist s.i.l, so I've lost my D,GD,GS and S for no reason other than my s.i.l and his mothers spiteful jealousy as they are no blood relation to my beloved Laila and that's where it all stems from.
Dear Celebgran well done on delivering the presents and at least your GD's did get them from you, so that's good news. As for drawing the curtains on you, my D did the same thing to me! There must be a book out there entitled "How to cause as much pain and suffering to your Dear Mother/Father"
I still have my Christmas deco up Smileless will be taking it down tomorrow, ND coming for a cuppa later and then I'm meeting up with the 'girls', one of which is the one who's hubby of 20yrs, suddenly said he didn't love her any more and is moving out, he has actually gone to stay with friends in Cambridge, she's in bits!
No cake or wine today girls!

sending you much needed hugs celebgran and librachick.. xx

So sorry libra hick pain of losing a daughter is like no other.

We have to try to accept our daughter does not want or need us anymore.

Feeling in Bits today as you know smileless present delivery was disaster other than dd took them Off step when we drove off.

She drew curtains as we walked up drive and s I law was not there. So dreadfully low wish has let oh go alone I will never go again as now feel it was because she saw.me.

What on earth did I do opp deserve this? Way to upsetting my eyes like footballs today! So puffy.

We due visit fried tonight who lost their wife last year only found out I. Xmas card so can't let hi. Down. So very low!

Well that's the holidays over. Christmas 2013 is the worst Christmas EVER. First time not seen our 3 grandchildren. Gave ex husband prezzies for the GC but DD would not take them, so GC didn't get them.

Have done nothing since, except sort bedrooms out and cry at every minute. no NY outing, we went for a meal yesterday out. My husband of 3 years, does not know what to do.

We had a bedroom and a playroom for the GC but now made into one room in case DD lets us see her pawns this year. Balled my eyes out doing all this room moving this past few days.

Took lots of clothes, ski suits etc over to ex, who gave them to DD, she took them, but not Christmas presents.

We've taken all photos of DD down, got a couple of GC still up.

Through all this moving/changing came across letters, notes, cards from DD, only child. What a great Mum, best friend etc etc. Now, I'm the worst mother in the universe. Tried to ask ex to speak to DD, as he was there, but he's not prepared to do this, doesn't want to be piggy in the middle!!

Reading all the comments on here, breaks my heart, I thought it was only me, until last week when I made a comment about my DD beating me up in June 2011.

So sorry to rant. Hubby just gone to work, first day back and all I can do is feel sorry for myself and sit here crying actually sobbing and wiping eyes, nose as I type this!

H x

Oh booooh the little Christmas hats have gone . It was lovely to read your happy ending glammanana there are so may stories like yours that don't end so well. As you say in the EU at least things have changed but it still goes on in other countries and is terribly sad.

Hubby has just emptied the dish washer. We got in in the summer of 2012; our first don't know how I managed with out one. Oh yes I remember now, hubby did most of the washing up . How things change close to home too, he commented on the fact that not every thing in the machine was dry. So it suddenly dawned on me, this is the first time he's ever emptied it must be losing my touch.

Hope you Celebgran and Yogagirl are fully recovered from all your celebrations, and all of you for that matter. Hope the pressie delivery service went OK Celebgran

Getting excited about going to Aus. Keep telling my self I'll be seeing my lovely boy This Year

Have a good evening every one.

Glad you both enjoyed NYE Smileless and Celebgran It was an emotional farewell to 2013 for us all I think So glad to be in the year of 2014, let's hope it brings us all some happiness
Thanks for your input glammanana very interesting story with a happy ending, so very pleased for you and your DD and DGS's - Happy New year to you and yours

I hope the next year brings you all peace and happier times,I went through a dreadful time when my DD was married to her OH and only got her and my DCSs out of a Country that would given custody to him and we would have lost them altogether,they got out on a flight 20mins before her OH arrived at the airport so I know the pain involved and pray for you all. x glamma x This was from a Country which is now part of EU so things have changed dramatically over the years.

Afternoon ladies (whispered for Yogagirl's benefit). Glad you and Celebgran had a good New Year's Eve, so did we and I hope everyone else did too.

I was never so pleased to hear those 12 chimes bringing to an end the worst year of my life. Like you Yogagirl it all got a bit emotional.

It's wet, windy and horrible here today as well Celebgran is it your fault for pegging out some washing . Upheld my family's tradition of putting away all the Christmas decs; always do it on New Years' day.

Wonder if its generations of my family putting away Christmas decs before 12th night that's resulted in all of this bad luck! I'm quite pleased to have the house back to normal and am looking forward to getting back in to a normal routine, well as normal as it can be anyway.

for us all. l don't know about all of you, but I've probably had enough for a while.

Here's to 2014 lets hope it's a good one.