cut out of thier lives 2

there are so many of us in the same boat...ive tried and tried to contact my estranged daughter for the last 4 years ( since her dad died..he was the favoured parent as he always said yes and set no bounderies ) every time ive tried to contact her ive had verbal abuse from her and was told never to contact her again..ive had to be strong for my own peace of mind so i emailed her and told her that im sorry she feels that way and i will leave her alone and never contact her again...and to remember i will always love her....its her 29th birthday tomorrow and yes i miss her like hell but i must get on with my life she knows where i am if she wants to be part of it...

Welcome to Gransnet Cassandra - that does sound like a tough row to hoe. And Christmas makes things hurt more doesn't it.
Well done for sticking to your guns. I hope you will find some comfort here at least knowing that you are not alone in suffering the pain of a family rift.

Hi everyone I hope you don't mind me joining in. I've never done anything like this before. I'm reading all your posts with tears streaming down my face. I am also hurting like I never believed I could. My son and his wife have cut off all contact with our family. And the reason for this? We will not give up contact with our granddaughter who he brought into this world during a previous relationship and who he thinks can just be erased from our family. He now has another child with his wife and has made us choose them or the older child. How can he be so cruel? We can't and won't choose. My heart aches all the time and I think about him all the time. He never answers the phone and doesn't return my calls. Christmas is always very difficult and here we are with a week to go and I just don't know what to do. My husband says forget them they don't deserve anything but I just can't. Any advice please?

Enjoyed reading your post Smileless, my D's chain will certainly be a heavy one, for all the misery she's put me through this year (and my ND) and all the times in the past, before she had her two babies, she was always big trouble, but like that saying "There was a little girl.....when she was good, she was very very good, but when she was bad, she was horrid) maybe that's why I haven't cried till now, as I have cried so much in the past, with the things she has done,(drugs and alcohol) that has effect my, and my ND and S's lives. But with all the things she did, I always loved her, never turned my back on her, always help and supported her, no-matter what, as I could only see my sweet little baby Dand of course little Laila looks like my D, and then like me, at that age.
Not surprised your tired Celebgran with all that merengue?, cha cha and salsa, you are clever, folk dancing too, I'm impressed! No I don't do a blog, don't know what that is, is it like a facebook page, but for your Mollie to read when she's old enough?
For you all

My ND txt me earlier and told me to run to the shops and get the local paper, as there is a 30page special supplement on all the Nativity plays!
It made me feel bad, I thought 'I don't want to get it' and see my lovely little Laila, and know we should have been there to see her first Nativity. Anyway round I went, got two, one for ND, sat down with a coffee and a lump in my throat, 76pics/35schools, so cute and funny, my Laila's school not there, I was strangely relieved It's really upset me though, I wish I had a crystal ball, to see if we will be together next Christmas. Finally after all this time, over a year and I've finally cried, don't feel better, when will this sorrow end?

Hi ladies elegran that is so very sensible and full wisdom!

Thank you smiless. And yogagirl lovely weekend we joint 3 dancing workshops did merengue cha cha and salsa!

Feel so so tired just wanted clock in!

We drove up daughters road on Way home both cars there and we both felt sad. Not sure if we can face taking presents over wed see how we feel after nights sleep.

Got my hearing aid appt Tom can't get used to damn thing.
Also my neighbor asked me do her and her mums nails Tom so busy day.
We made folk dancing party tonight showed our faces and took some bits f party.

Yogagirl do you do blog like I do for mollie online google blogger.
It helps. Way to po sad keeping presents on hand send them or lose them I think. Some people find helps to do box of stuff and keep it but it would depress. Me.

Keep smiling girls heed elegran make most people in our lives who want be there.
So sorry yogagirl that was rough hope tree righted now!
We had niggle as did shop at asda on way home and dunelm oh hates it there!

My lovely son rang for chest and lifted both our spirits Friday,

Union gap were great fri and eddystone lighthouse quite good sat yesterday afternoon entertainment team put on pant was great fun.
Off bed now keep smiling! X

As soon as I read your post Yogagirl and before I read Elegran's wise words my response was Absolutely Not. There is no point in torturing your self with as Elegran says, what isn't happening.

Of course our darling gc aren't given a choice are they, but one day when they are old enough to make decisions for them selves, who knows what they may decide to do.

We all need to have the best Christmas Day we can have. Enjoy the company of family and friends who want to be with us, and not waste our time and energy thinking of those who will not be spending the day with us because they have chosen not too.

I know it's awful and the nearer we get to the 25th the harder it seems to become. I'm trying to avoid listening to Carols as I end up in tears. I'm still trying to not look right! and am having more success. We put our decs up yesterday; the house looks lovely and is more or less cat proof although we have to be extremely vigilant in the evening when the boys are in the living room. Especially Eddie; you just know by looking at him that he's looking for something to get his little paws in to or on to.

I'm dreading Sunday when Father Christmas does his tour of the village. I know my little gs will be looking out of the window, just like his daddy used to do when he was little.

Watched one of the many versions of 'A Christmas Carol' at the weekend. How many are there . Any way it got me thinking and wondering what would happen if my s was visited by 3 spirits. I imagine the ghost of Christmas Past would remind him of the happy family Christmases he had as a child, teenager and adult. The ghost of Christmas Present may well show him the misery we go through by not seeing him and not being allowed to see our gs. And the ghost of Christmas to come, if things don't change, as well as seeing our misery may be he will see his own. May be he will see him self trying to explain to his s why he denied him our love and being able to do with us, the things that all gc love to do with their gparents. May be he will see all those wasted years, and all the love that we had for him, which he foolishly through away. I wonder how long the chain he is making for him self will be, and how much it will weigh. It will no doubt be 'a ponderous' one.

Keep those sacks of gifts some where safe dear Yogagirl but out of sight.

Hope you had a good week end Celebgran

Let's all do our best to keep

Have a good Christmas, Yogagran and all the rest of you.

Thank you Elegran I will take on board what you've said xx

Well said as usual Elegran.

No Yogagirl, don't. Concentrate on what is happening on Christmas Day, not on what is not happening.

Build your own strength and happiness. Don't undermine it by placing such a tangible reminder in your line of sight, by doing so you are not helping either the situation or your own well-being.

If you are concentrate on them, would you be any closer to them? Would you be able to greet others with a smile or would you be beyond that because you had no joy in other things? You need a Christmas Day that feeds your inner sense of your worth, not one that feeds your inner misery.

Concentrate on what is good in your life for this life-enhancing day.

Where is everyone?
When I came on here this time last week there was a big line of posts!
Oh well, here I am...Went out for lunch after my morning Yoga, with my ND and her friend and baby, such a lovely little chap, six months old,adorable, I had a lovely cuddle and he was cooing and laughing
I don't know about you, but the nearer it gets to the 'big day' the sadder I become. Do I put all their gift sacks by the Xmas tree? (gifts from last Xmas and their B/days)

Morning!
Sorry it was pygmy hedgehog, not guinea pig, she does also have two GP though. Its nice to hear you let yours run around the house Smileless, as I hate to see anything living its life in a cage. When the children were little, they had two Guinea pigs and we let them run around, but mostly outside as they weren't trained. I did have a little rabbit when I lived in Africa and I trained that to go into the toilet where there was a tray for her, amazing!
Going back to Friday the 13th, my s.i.l and his dad where both born on Friday 13th !! da,da,da,da!!
We managed to book for New Year it was 75pounds per ticket! The strange thing is that its where I lived before here, on the river. When I lived there the pub was lovely as it was right on the river, but other than that nothing special, but its been done up and is now very up market, there will be a pianist and champagne, so should be good.

Oh Yogagirl you poor thing, what a frightful day you've had. May be you should stay in bed when the next Friday the 13th comes around.

Can't believe your tree fell down during the night, and knowing that you banged your head retrieving your Christmas decs from the loft, not sure if you should be wobbling on ladders. If our tree comes down it will be one of the cats who is responsible, Eddie most likely.

for your ND, how sad losing her pygmy guinea pig. I love guinea pigs, always kept them when I was a child their proper little characters; I used to have mine house trained so they could run around to their little hearts content. Don't think my mum was as thrilled about that as I was.

Still trying to keep the sadness at bay, although struggled today. I don't know what's worse, the day itself or the run up to it which seems to take for ever.

Hope you enjoyed your Chardonnay, you certainly deserve it after the day you've had.

Hope you're enjoying your self Celebgran and having a good week end.

I agree Yogagirl it's Friday so more and for us all.

FRIDAY 13th!!!!
Xmas tree had fallen down during the night, baulballs, lights and angels everywhere! Couldn't open dishwasher, little bit at back of basket off, stuck fast! Instead of going shopping as planned-spent all morning on tablet (slow) looking for a nice place to go for New Years Eve, rest of morning into early afternoon trying to set up another router upstairs for my slow tablet, wires and plugs everywhere, finally phoned Broadband people to be told 'can't have two BB in same house'!! wobbling on ladder putting outside Xmas lights up, finally sat down for lunch at 4.30pm to realize its FRIDAT13th!! explains everything
You're right, It's a terribly hard time of year Celebgranand Smileless, TV full of little children in wonderment over Xmas, makes me so very sad to not be able to see my beloved little ones
Enjoy your w/e away Celebgran, try to push your sadness to one side and give your heart a rest from this sorrow
I'm feeling sooo sad, really missing them all, with the run up to Xmas. My s.i.l's mother, who is no blood relation to my little Laila, has had the joy of 3 Xmas's with her and two with Jack. Laila's first Xmas was with me, as they were still living here at the time, her second with his family, so the next should have been with me, but I had been cut-off by then. My ND has said ''wonder if he did it as it was their turn to come to us for Xmas day?"
My ND just phoned me, all upset, her pygmy Guinea pig has just died
Friday night so and for us all, just going to get my glass of Chardonnay now!

Evening ladies. I was saddened to read your post grannyactivist so many sad stories of pain and suffering being dished out to grand parents who just want to be able to love their children and gc. Like you, I have never blamed my self for what has happened and nor should any of us. I've also tried to understand my son's reasoning but gave that up as a bad job.

There is no explanation or justification for the way we have been treated.

Well done Yogagirl for risking injury to retrieve your Christmas decs; glad the tree looks good. It's so hard isn't it trying to get in the Christmas spirit with a heavy heart. Hubby spent all yesterday afternoon putting up lights out side. Bless him, we never bothered until last year but he was so desperate to try and give us a good Christmas as it was our gs first and we knew we wouldn't see him, that he pulled out all the stops. The lights looked good last year but the day was the worst Christmas ever. Lights look even better this year and I'm determined that the day will be better too.

We'll be putting our decs up on Sunday, hubby will be the one climbing in to the loft so no risk to me . I hope your head is better now. I'm doing my very best to keep looking left so why does my head insist on turning to the right .

Oh Celebgran don't despair about you oh working on New Year's Day; add some indulgent bath salts and scented candles to your Christmas wish list, and spend New Year's Day relaxing with a large . And good for you, enjoy looking around the shops; have a good weekend, you and oh deserve it.

Your post gives hope Kiora thank you for sharing your positive outcome. You're absolutely right, no one wins, not the parents/grand parents, the children and least of all the gchildren who are being deprived of their own family who simply want to love them.

for us all. This is the worst time of the year to be going through what we're all going through. But we can get through it ladies. All of us. We have people who love us and we have each other.

Sleep well all you gransnetters.

Oh yogagirl just read your post you are brave.
Glad tree looks good, you deserve [drink] [cake]

I felt so low after row with oh about new year but my friend said well is only from 11 to 3 even though she understood is painful in our situ.

Hope you have good day we away for weekend will do us good d day is next wed our elderly neibor offered come and someone else advised us not to go as would make difficult for our daughter ???
We still going and on to ipswich afterwards for [drink] and look round shops I won't let her destroy me.

GrannyActivist this time year hard for us. Very strange that your daughter cut you out similar to mine except we believe is s I law. I try. It to blame myself but she has blamed me my personality etc etc.

It is nt ice place to be however he husband cut her godparents off too and now she has no one at all from her family in touch with her. It seems her husbands family is all she needs.

We love our Grand daughters and will not give up on them. I know she is torn as she argued with s I law whe her dad tried to see her this happened twice most recently in September. We taking gifts over but unlike you we never get acknowledgement and she won't let us have photos.

Yogagirl keep strong!
Smileless hope cold improving!
Had good day with client old friend yesterday my daughters godmother.
This year she just sending card as last year they too did not get thank you so sad the little ones miss out.
Have good day all.
We away tomorrow for warners weekend.
Had bust up with oh agreeing work New Year's Day. Have got over it, still bit drained from virus nt going acquacise today dont think still got pack!

Morning Girls
Third time lucky, I keep loosing this page!!
Maybe your ex influenced your D against you GA!?
Nightmare; Got up into the attic to get my Xmas deco, light wouldn't work, so banged my head hard on the beams, then had to balance boxes on sore head to get them down Tree looks lovely now though, with all the lights on, cheered me up a bit. This is the first year I havn't put up my children's Xmas stockings by the fireplace . I made each of them one when they were born for their first Xmas and they have been put up every year since. I thought it time to pack them away for posterity

I don't blame myself for my daughter detaching herself from her family; I never have. I have often wondered about her reasoning though, but no-one has any idea of what might have caused her to take such a drastic step. She has stayed in touch with her father though - we divorced when our daughter was in her early teens and although he wasn't ever close to her she came to idolise him in absentia and re-established contact with him after she'd left home. He lives almost 200 miles from her so their contact was mostly by phone.

Thank you Kiora I'm glad your now in a happy place with your D

I really do know how you feel.I well remember the despair and desolation I felt. Things have turned around for me now.my daughter and I are now close but our estrangement went on for a long time.( i posted the details on this thread so won't bore you with the details) all I can say is don't loose hope but try not let it dominate your lives. Honestly I really don't think its anything to do with skunk. My daughter did and still does it (I really really disapprove but have learnt to put up and shut up) it doesn't affect our relationship. It does make people lazy and lethargic and can make them depressed/miserable. I think these situations are very very complex. The adult children probably would be at a loss to explain their reasons. Family dynamics, sibling rivalry, silly long held grudges, who knows. But all the heart retching pain for what no one wins everyone looses. Don't blame yourselves the guilt will eat you up. You too have lives to live. I hope each of you can find some joy this Christmas and are able to manage the pain.

Oh! GA my heart goes out to you, 7yrs is such a long long time. All of us on here have all said we did and said nothing wrong, I just cannot understand why our beloved D/S would choose and be happy to 'cut us out of their lives', I really do not understand it! The only thing I can think of is drugs! Is this the link, smoking skunk/pot before the brain has fully developed at age 25yrs? The last thing to develop is empathy, so this would make sense of it all.
My nephew (by marriage and adoption, no blood) who I got to know when he moved near to us (D still living with me then) and would quite often pop in for tea and chat. He went off to Afghanistan for his first tour of duty and had both legs and an arm blown-off. It was touch and go if he survived, his dad (my prev. f.i.l adopted son) was barred from going to his bedside! He said he didn't know why his son would do this. My nephew survived and went on to marry his sweetheart and mother of his two children, I went to the wedding, where his dad was a guest (but put on a table right at the back, whereas I and my D were right at the front!) but his mother that had sat at his bedside when he came back from Afghanistan had not been invited!! To my knowledge she is still 'out' and has not seen their new baby. My D and s.i.l are best buddies with my nephew and stay with them often, so I know from them that he smokes skunk/pot all the time. My ND and I have often said 'I wonder if there is a link between nephew cutting his mother out of his life and my D being encouraged to do the same',...don't know. But I do know that all of them have smoked skunk including my S!
Celebgran pass those tissues to Rudolph sorry I mean Smileless and keep looking left Smileless

to GA. I so hope they contact you this Christmas. I feel so blessed that I am with my 2nd daughter and her family in Sydney and will be joined by my 1st daughter and her family tomorrow. I can't imagine how it would be to lose contact with my 3 and all my gc's. {{hugs}} and to you all.

To you ga and I'm sad for them that they are missing out on so much of your love.