cut out of thier lives 2

Hello all
My nice D is flying to Indonesia, she's been up there in the skys for 22hrs, so maybe about to land, long trip. My nice D suggested anti-depressants (I'm dead against them!) or to take me to a hypnotist to try and get me to put my D and GC more to the back of my mind, as its been 10mnths now, and no sign of it ever ending. I've started taking 'St.john's Wort' which is a natural mood enhancer, 2 per day, think its taken the edge off a little, but the deep sadness is always there
What TV program was your son on Celebgran?

Hi,

Celebgran I think your right, sorry to hear about your situation, what is it with these kids, I keep asking myself is it my fault or something I did. No I wasnt the perfect mother who is, I tried my best. Sorry if it sounds wrong, but it is nice to know Im not the only one in this situation. I looked at some statistics the other day, there is over 1 million grandparents in this country that dont see their GC and over 5 million that only see GC twice a year. Wow this isnt right.

Thanks yogagirl, I know, thats why I wasnt too best pleased with him, I had to inform phone co. that he didnt live at our address anymore, will have to do the same if anymore come through.

Morning Girls, nice of God to water our flowers and lawn for us today
Celebgran I think your oh should try to have a word with your D, especially as she has just had another baby, all those nesting hormones, she may be missing you. It can do no harm and may start a reconciliation.! I don't agree in sending cards and present, I want my D to miss and be sad at not getting a loveing card from her mum, my GC I will get cards and keep them here for them when ,God willing, I do get to see them again, and money put in bank acc for their birthdays and Xmas, nice D doing same.
I've lost hope now too. Knowing what I know now, I wish I hadn't gone to court, as even though I tried not to say too much against my s.i.l I did feel I needed to bring up his drug addiction, resulting in the rath from both him and his parents. His mother is an alcoholic, so they are an addicitive family, the thought of my darling little delicate Laila (and Jack) being brought up by them is stuff of nightmares! Jack in brackets as Laila not s.i.l child. At the start of all this, it was like I was drowning and thrashing around for air, hence courts.
Mossy you must not let your son and d.i.l use your add. for credit cards and mobile ph contracts, if they don't pay their bills the bailiffs will be round to your house!! Especially if you have the same surname!

so sorry MOssy123 it seem a lot of our children just think it is ok to be as rude as they can to us and use us when it suits them, we hate to admit that is what our daughter has done.

We supported her for 4 years at uni and another year as pre reg pharmacist. Used money from O H PENSION fund to help them buy their house etc etc. We were thrilled to become grandparents and were the little girls first visitors and spent 9 months having lovely time then overnight we were cut out.

it resulted from a text on her phone from her sis in law and best friend running me down and saying dont worry if you fall out with your mum our mum will do anything for you!

I was in bits and we never discussed it, we were just cut off!!
police harassment warning followed, which our local mp fought for us and now we are allowed with my fighting also with police to send cards presents, wonderful, but we have never ever had an acknowlegment.

you can see it does not look good for us!!
We have a wonderful son who refuses to try anymore with her because of her despicable behaviour so it is not all gloom, but she was our world and the little one. now we have 2 more never seen!! one not even sure if born yet!
that is abridged version Mossy!!!

Hi yogagirl,

Thanks for your kind words.. No I havent spoken to my son that had the accident for a year now, he and my other son have stuck by their wives, I do understand that, they are the ones they have to go home to, I feel like a scapegoat tho... I had a sort of text argument with one of them last night, he has applied for credit cards and got a mobile phone contract for his partner at my address, he couldnt see any problem in it, basically said he wanted a credit card and new mobile phone so what is my problem. The change in my son is what really hurts, no-one matters to him anymore, I was hoping to try and at least salvage some sort of relationship with him but he practically told me to get lost last night.

Celebgran, sorry I dont know your circumstances, but what I do know, I feel for you.. Like you I think I am going to have to accept my situation no matter how much it hurts

No he did no go yogagirl bless you for remembering ,!

I was so low on sat night think he worried if did not go well I would be worse.
I felt upset he had insisted on going then changed his mind.

My brother not collected stuff yet so oh now says may go next Monday.
So damn hard know what to do.

We still have no idea if baby born yet.

I do wonder we just got accept that it is end we will never see our daughter again.

My son said was for best his dad didn't go.

Sorry to new lady must sound muddle but we had clear our loft and so much of daughters stuff we took some over and no one in and her work aid she was on maternity leave.
We not seen her for nearly 5 years and our oldest Granddaughter was only 9 months 2nd one not told about old friend dd told us and now a third!

There is no pain like it.

Keep chin up yogagirl you have your lovely daughter and hope of more gc I know pain will not ever go away but focus on that and good things
Always here if you need to chat we must support each other

Welcome Mossy another sad and heart broken nannie! So sorry to hear your sad story, its lovely you have other GD to love and distract you from the pain of no contact with your other two, I'm longing for my nice D to start a family, but that won't be for another two years, as she is starting a new job, so will have to work a year to get her maternity leave
Your D.i.l's are jealous of you and your close relationship with your sons, do you still see your two sons, of the GC your not allowed to see? How your d.i.l could keep the news of your son's accident from you is very cruel! That is my big fear, that something will happen to my D and or GC and I won't even know their in hospital!!
I was feeling so bad this morning, had to just get up with the birds, even did a little gardening, made me feel better, I was thinking about having a second Xmas without my beloveds, don't know how I'll get through it. Had to tell myself that perhaps by the following Xmas I may be seeing them again, God willing.
I got on here early before leaving for work, hoping I would see a message from Celebgran and good news about OH visiting D, did he go? I'm thinking with no word from you that he didn't Hope I'm wrong, I'll be back on tmrw as v.busy day till abt 9.30 this evening, bye till then xx

Sorry about that... Ive got 5 sons and 5 grandchildren, 3 (1 Step Granddaughter and 2 grandsons) from my oldest son who I see alot of, I look after them every other weekend as my son and his wife work weekends and the two granddaughters from two of my sons... this has all happened in the last year and a half, my sons accident was feb 2012, 1st GD born April 2012 and the other GD born Feb 2013. Trying to keep a very long story short, so much hatred towards me, I really dont know what I have done to make these girls hate me so much, I dont intefer I keep my opinions to myself even when my sons come to me if they have problems in their relationships, I have always been so close to my sons, I was a single mum bringing them up for along time, It hurt that my sons are allowing these girls to treat me like this.

Hi,

Im new to Gransnet, told some of my daughter in law events on another forum and was advised by Celebgran to come onto this one. Its reassuring to know that Im not the only one experiencing this, two of my 5 daughter in laws have told me Im not allowed to see my two granddaughters, one told me she would rather see her family and friends than me and I am appointment only, Ive been waiting for nearly a year, she doesnt answer my calls etc, this has been an on-going thing for quite a few years before my GD was born, my son had a bad road accident last year before GD was born, myself and his brothers were not allowed to visit him in hospital, or if we managed to get into the ward we were just left in the visitors waiting room, she didnt even tell me he`d had an accident, I was caught in the traffic jam that his accident had caused, I was coming home from work and in front of me was a body lying in the middle of the road with the air ambulance that I and everyone else could see, I even phoned my work friends not to travel that way home because of the traffic. I then found out whilst sitting there feeling very sad for this person lying there that it was in fact my son, you can imagine my reaction, she didnt even bother to ring me or his brothers, we had to find out from a friend that was walking past. Im not even sure why Im surprised she wont let me see my GD... the other daughter in law, just seems to only want my money and because I wouldnt give her anymore she wont let me see my other grandaughter... Im sorry Im wittering again, this is upsetting me whilst Im typing.

Thanks everyone, your kind words and understanding do make me feel better. Yes I'm just a few minutes up the rd. from my D, I'm only surprised I haven't seen them before.
Sorry to hear your niece has turned on you Celebgran, I know how you feel, it just twist the knife in your heart doesn't it

Thanks yoga girl he having doubts now! I have new client today try focus on that.

My niece now hates me due to her ex stirring it when will I learn to be harder!

O yoga girl what an ignorant person.

Is hard you must live quite near?

So glad also that you spent day with friend.
. Keep strong but like the other gran said sometimes we need healing power of tears. Big hug on its way!

Yogagirl I hope this awful time comes to an end for you

Just shows what an ignorant person he is "Yogagirl". I'm glad you had a friend to spend the rest of the day with.

Celebgran Best of luck on Weds with your OH visit, perphaps you can open your bottle of wine and celebrate when he comes back with good news
You say its only natural to cry, I've never cried! my toes curl, my stomach feels gutted, my heart cries every minute of every day, but my eyes dont tear. I have always been a very healthy person, never going to Doctors, yet since this began, Ive been thinking I have a brain tumor, heart probs, cancer, all not so, my nice D the same, terrible stomach pains and terrible rash on her eyes, all down to stress it turns out. When will this all end

Sorry for you Celebran feeling so bad. I feel the same, saw my beloved GC yesterday! I passed them on the otherside of the rd, I immendiately stopped my car and just sat there looking at my Laila and Jack, they were in their double buggie with s.i.l pushing them, he saw me and stuck his middle finger up at me, my GC didn't see me, Im sure when he tells his family he will get a pat on the back for it!
I feel so,so, bad today and think this will never end, how can I pass my beloved CG in the street and not be allowed to stop and say 'hello' let along a huge and a kiss. My friend was driving behind me (lucky she didn't bang into the back of me when I stopped!) as we were driving to mine and then out for lunch by the sea, which was lovely. She said 'how nasty of him, he didn't need to do that!'

Dear Celebgran and Yogagirl ,
Don't think tgat tears falling is giving way; it's part of a process which allows our body to cope with the grief . I think , when I wasn't hearing my daughter's voice or DGD , I cried almost every minute for at leat 48 hours but I am certain that it helped me to move away from that intense pain.
Heartfelt wishes for a great day for both of you .

I started to say how lovely it is that this thread continues to be of comfort to all sad grandparents but it would be so much better if there were no need for it.

It is a place to offload and to find some solace in the unconditional friendship and understanding of others in the same shoes. And, although the good news stories don't always report back, even the most hopeless situations DO get resolved, nothing is forever and happiness can turn on a sixpence.

Nanban you are so right.
Sadly I have given way,Tom tears this evening .

Can't be strong all the time .

OH still planning visit our daughter next wed and got all mixed emotions over that.

Finding another load upsetting memorabilia in loft did not help either.
Even lock of her hair over 20 years ago! Lifetime of memories.

Still wine in fridge and we are ordering Chinese can't wallow in sadness!
Accept at times I will cry it is only natural.

Yoga girl keep your chin up you are not alone.
Nanban praying your good news continues

The loving kindness and thoughts from gransnetters was and is sometimes the only comfort and I have been so grateful and starting this thread was one of the best things - I hope it helps everyone who is suffering the same sadness.

Yogagirl there is no right or wrong way to try and resolve things, we parents can only do our best with what we have. Sometimes it works, and sadly, sometimes it doesn't but never stop trying and be kinder to yourself.

Thank you * Whenim64* and celebgran
Yes I do think of you Celebgran when I say I did the wrong thing going to court, as you stayed quiet, 5yrs years later, still no joy for you
I have said all along, that if the boot was on the other foot, I would never condoned my s.i.l mother being 'cut out of their lives', I would have def said to D + s.i.l " you can't do that to her, if you don't want to see her thats up to you, but let her see the GC once a week for a couple of hours" even though she is not my Laila's blood nannie, just her stepdad's mother. Yet they have taken immense pleasure in pushing my D to 'out' me and my other D, Jenni's big sister and are proud that the Judge believed their lies!

Thanks otw and yoga girl please don't beat yourself up yoga girl I envied you going to court and we have been 5 years nearly now so doing nothing not worked for us.

Whenim is right the relationship may not last and like me as sure you would not have approved to cutting out the other family.

Don't ever give up, yogagirl. As you say, this relationship may not last long. She will resent him for what he and his family have done, and this could yet backfire on them. I imagine you would not condone her taking the children and denying contact with them, despite their hostility to you.

Morning Girls
Nice to hear from you Nanban glad alls going well for you.
Im in a really dark place too Celebgran I can see no hope for me. Going to court was a wrong move, I've made it a thousand times worse and def burnt my bridges with s.i.l and his family, I would have had a better chance keeping silent and waiting.
Having said that, I didn't do or say a single thing wrong, apart from helping my daughter when my s.i.l did the same to her and she came to live with me (he barred her from their family home and from seeing her babies, eldest not even his!) He wanted me turn against my daughter, which of course I wouldn't do. So it will not be till they break up that I will reunite with my beloveds, it could be years, but I and my other daughter (who is also 'out') am sure they will. In the mean time I think and grieve for them constantly