cut out of thier lives 2

Dear Nanban,
That's wonderful news! We can only think ourselves incredibly lucky and dear Celebgran and others, it's not much comfort but you're not alone in that dark place , we are there hoping for you even when you can't feel it for yourself .

The one thing I have learnt above all things on gransnet is that apologies are unnecessary amongst people who have such understanding.

And a second is that there are many dark times we go through but they are never the end of the story. Small miracles happen all the time.

Fantastic news nanban

I try keep hope but damn hard.

Nearly 5 years and 3rd grandchild on way am in quite dark place at moment.

Since we discovered estranged daughter on maternity leave it opens up all the raw wounds.

My dear oh wants go see her again for last try next week but I am very nervous about the distress this will cause us.

Sorry to sound so gloomy!

Yes, that was true for me, Nanban. I'm thrilled for you - that renewed delight in seeing the children each successive time doesn't fade when you've been denied contact for a significant time.

We never know what might turn things round. In my case, it was a judge's disgust when presented with evidence of parental (and grandparent) alienation. We got occasional contact when money was due to change hands, or ex-DIL wanted something no-one else could provide. Other people find that the end of a stifling reationship frees things up for contact, or a sudden realisation that it's not fair on the children.

I would also say never lose hope. Children grow up and ask questions, and will eventually exercise their own choice. My grandson is 13.1/2 now, and he chooses when he can see his dad, takes holidays with him, and has told his mother he likes dad's new partner - 'she's nice!' It didn't go down well, but she knew she couldn't keep my grandson from being with his dad, not wihout risking him moving out to live with him. Her threats - 'we will be homeless and penniless, your dad will stop coming for you, your nana has got other grandchildren now' have proved to be nonsense, and grandson now has some power. This is what other children can do as they start to examine what has happened, where loving grandparents have been denied contact for no good reason.

Nanban,
So good to hear your positive news, often when contact is regained we don't hear about it, important for everyone going through this sadness to know that good things do happen.

Seeing these sad posts of people unable to have contact with their grandchildren makes me realise how lucky I am. My best thoughts and wishes go to all of you having this problem right now. Hopefully seeing all postings on this thread gives you courage and hope.

That is lovely news, and gives hope to some of us. Thank you for posting.

Hello All, against all expectations we have seen our grandchildren TWICE. Although we must be beyond cautious in word and deed, I wanted to join in and say something that has oh so often been said to me and which I nodded to but was convinced it would never happen - to everyone who is grieving and is in that very dark place where hope seems dead, that it never is. No matter what life is today, one day for you too, it will change for the better. Getting through the time between is so hard but hold hope close. Nothing is for ever.

Dear Friends ( because that's what it feels like) ,
One thing I did find strange but ultimately very good for increasing my Grandmothering self-esteem was the number of local young mothers who seemed so keen to adopt us as GPs in situ. I looked after a beautiful little girl while her sister was being born and as that particular family said , we were family by invitation ( they have a really loving family as well but they live far away) . Increasingly there are numbers of young families who long to have family up the road but there aren't any. I have my GD but I have three other neo-GDs and a GS . I know it's not the answer but the little ones are all simply wonderful and that interaction always enriches a day !
When I was a young mum myself, I lived miles from my Mum. I daydreamed about setting up a grandparent agency - now ten minutes later (well that's how it feels) I realise that that need is still there . There would always be a risk of exploitation but in reality it's easier with non-blood 'family' to say no . Thinking of you all and thank you for your good wishes . .

* Otw10413 * I've only just caught up with this thread and I am truly thrilled for you that contact has been restored.

Very wise KatyK

I was in danger of falling out with my DD because I felt sidelined and left out. I have now decided, after reading all the sad posts here, to keep my mouth well and truly zipped, even when I feel I am being treated badly. Not worth a fall out. I realise of course that those of you who are denied contact have done nothing to warrant the treatment you are receiving. I feel as though I haven't either but at least we are still in contact and I see my DGD regularly.

I never contribute to this thread because it is so heart-rending - but I am thinking of you all and hoping for good news and better times for everyone.

The idea of researching the psychological influence of GPs on their GC is a very interesting one.

So much for me being a whizz on my new tablet, I posted this morning, but it seemed to vanish, so 7hrs later I'm back on my old PC.

I feel for you Celebgran. My next door neighbour's GD arrived to stay with her this morning, she hasn't seen them since last Oct, not from estrangement but distant. My neighbour on the other side has her new baby GS all the time, it seems. Out shopping, all the Gma's with their little GC, looking soooo happy together. When one of the little ones does something funny or cute, the G/ma will catch my eye, for me to smile and coo along, but my face remains frozen, wonder what folk must think of me!
such is my life now

When my first post on here this morning vanished, something came up 'saved on clipboard' anyone????

Bless you otw. Is like a bad dream for us and I guess I will always feel sick inside when I think of the little ones and wonder how my daughter can be so cruel like she had brain transplant.

I have to focus on what I do have and try not to get too down but the latest shock of third one due/born is hard indeed.

Ladies, believe you me , each and every time I have contact with my DD and my DGD , I think if you all and wish things could be different . I haven't a single sane answer because there isn't one . That's the worst part , it all seems so unnecessary in a life . Keeping hope for you .

Try keep hope alive yoga girl but always hear to support you and any other grans in same boat x

Sorry, you too Grannyactivist

Just written that mes. on my new tablet, nearly lost it but whawho!

Im very pleased for youotw you must be very happy to have your D and GC back in your life,welldone.

Looks like just youCelebran*,*Greatnan and me then! I know a reunion will not be round the corner for me, that wont every happen whilst my D is with her cruel husband and his equally cruel family

otw we've had similar experiences. I'm very pleased for you. That yearning feeling when you were deprived of seeing them is something that you won't forget. For me, it was a traumatic event in my life - I often find myself thinking in terms of 'before we were denied contact' and 'since we've got contact back.' My heart goes out to everyone going through it now.

Ots10413, this is such wonderful news. Enjoy all the love that comes with this reconciliation.

So pleased for you otw x x

Huge and thank you, here's hoping for everyone else .

Good news OTW A big relief