Heartache grandparents denied contact

Totally agree 1am64 it amazes me the amount of loving cards photos we amassed over 28 years of being hands on parents to dd then wham we are not good enough I am a dreadful person where does it come from ?

In our case we do feel s I law largely to blam but surely our daughter can think of all we had together ?

Wonder if she saw her brother on tv?

It's heart breaking, yet somehow reassuring to know that so many of us have a difficult relationship with one of our children. Otw, your comment about your daughter's need to control the relationship rings bells for me. Also Mossy's comment about constant drama.... Celebgran's comments about the loving letters/cards/photographs that paint a picture of loving and happy relationships, then the move into an adult child cutting off contact with all family members is another one that I can identify with. It's good to know we aren't alone I feel.

Hi I cant find the special thread cut out of their lives, sorry Im new to this.

Thank you, I will take a look.

Heart goes out to you mossy123 you not alone there is special thread cut out of their lives we will all lend ear and try support you.

Sounds classic more we did for our daughter more. S I law resented us I think however they cut us out and her entire family long story but welcome anyway!

Hi,

Im new to this, I needed to talk to other grandparents that have been estranged from their grandchildren.

I have managed to upset two of my five daughter in laws, I can honestly say I dont even know what I did wrong, apparantly Im not making enough effort to see them, not giving enough gifts and not giving them enough money and neither of them will let me see my granddaughters, one says she would rather see her family and friends rather than me and Im appointment only, I have been waiting to get this appointment since September 2012. The other is basically a nasty piece of work, to cut it short, my son (25 yr) was only with her for two weeks when she got pregnant, I wasnt exactly happy but I supported them both throughout the pregnancy, he is 25 not 16 what could I say even though he still lived with me and my husband. All the way through her pregnancy there was drama, she has a very volatile relationship with her own mother, who I must add was not very pleased to put it lightly with the pregnancy at one point her mother had her up against the wall and said she was going to kick the baby out of her...

Like I say, there was constant drama, I brought her the buggy she wanted, then she wanted a different one, I gave them a deposit for their flat, but my son and daughter in law spent the rent money and wanted more money from me but I said no, that didnt go down too well, funnily enough they managed scrape by and get the money for the rent.

My sons are sticking by their partners over this, there is alot more I could tell, I just wanted to know if there was anyone else experiencing the same thing.

Thank you both Katy and otw. Yes have done so much to try build bridges but our daughter wants nothing more to do with us.

If she responds to letter saying she does not want her stuff I doubt will get rid of it all. Just so painful.

Saw little girl as acquacise with her gran who so reminded memory Mollie when I got glimpse last Xmas she smiled at me and its that sort thing that is painful and you can't hide from it

Thanks for kind words ladies means so much.

Celebgran. You are not droning on. These situations are awful. I too have to 'walk on eggshells' with my daughter from time to time. But at least I see my DGD. Sometimes it is easier to 'talk' via forums such as this rather than to those closest. I can sometimes see my DH's eyes glazing over when I try to talk to him about my relationship with my daughter. I find that folks who are going through similar stuff are a great help. Good wishes to you.

Dear Celebgran,
You are strong ; that is clear and you have undoubtedly done all you can to build bridges or make it easy to build bridges with your daughter . Your heartache and sadness can make not doing anything at all beyond painful . I could never part with the books and toys of my children's days because they substantiate a very real time and age which they cannot take away but if that's something you feel you must do , I an only respect and admire you for it . My dear daughter and I have spoken but it is very clear that she needs to control the relationship . She did get in touch out of the blue but only after I'd told her I'd leave her be , respecting her wishes so maybe your move may help but I'd be gentle with yourself dear Celebgran and I wish you peace and happiness today !

Thanks Gorki kind of you!

Thinking of you celebgran .I am sorry to hear about your situation and hope that your daughter will come to her senses soon. It is cruel to deprive children of their grandparents but hang on in there and you never know......

How lovely of you to do that kind post thistledoo

We too trod on eggshells but feel not carefully enough obviously!

Really feel is unfair to drone on About my situation but do appreciate your kind thoughts it is kind words like that which give me the strength to keep going!

Celebgran I am so sad for you, also would it help to post again giving the whole story to us all, you never know someone may be able to give you a bit of helpful advice. Also writing it all down you will find it cathartic and healing. (if that's at all possible) I have a turbulent relationship with my daughter and have been threatened many times with cutting us out of her life, thus depriving DGD of her grandparents. We walk on eggshells frightened to upset her too much in case this happens. (my daughter)
Sending you healing thoughts and feel hope must never be abandoned.
Be kind to yourself.

I too do not know the full history as I tend to avoid the thread, as it is too upsetting. Sorry to be so wimpy. I do hope that one day a door will open and the mess will be sorted. It must be agony. Don't give up hope.

Bless you gillybob I wonder if it may make her think and reason for taking them is also her little girls our granddaughters are 5 and 2 so they may like see mummy's old toys?

Short version our daughter cut off her entire family 4 years ago us, brother, aunts godparents etc etc blames me for upsetting her when her grand dad died and accuses me of all sorts strange whe have drawer full lovely cards and letters from her saying how much she loved me and was proud of me we cannot fathom it.

I never want to give up hope and intend to make it a warm letter always leaving door open

Oh celebgran I feel so sad for you. I confess to not knowing the "whole story" but cannot help wondering if "taking it all over with a covering note" just seems so very final. I know it's none of my business but is there not even a tiny chink of hope while you still have some of your daughters possessions?

How sad for you

Sorry aka! funny enough I am tearful now I can't bear look at the dolly!

I was quite strong while doing it all.

I wonder if my daughter has any feelings at all sometimes not towards us I doubt.

celebgran that made me cry