Gransnet forums

AIBU

That I have known the sex of my baby since 20 weeks but not told my mum (the grandma)

(75 Posts)
Anonymous1 Wed 31-Jul-13 20:15:59

Story: she only has grandsons and has always made it clear that she wants a granddaughter. Think telling people at weddings, christenings, Christmas - random strangers whilst we were on holiday together - in front of her grandsons! "We don't want any more grand kids unless its a girl"
Repeated a lot, has caused some tension.
Fast forward to me getting pregnant, and its not been mentioned. 20 weeks came along and she was amazed (annoyed?) that we were not finding out. Why does it matter? I asked - she then denied all previous granddaughter statements untill my dad and husband said what are you on about, I've heard you say that hundreds of times...
Anyway I did find out but told no one apart from husband. I have had extra scans for medical reasons and every time she asks if I found out..so AIBU to have known all along and not told her? Baby due in 3 weeks.

Otw10413 Sat 03-Aug-13 14:26:21

Dear Anonymous1, When your children grow up , you will want to share their lives ; you won't get it right all of the time and you will upset them without realising it . But communication lies at the heart of all great things so yes , I can see why you're hurt but your health and your children are all important so with the emotional roller coaster ahead , communicating with your Mum may be a better path as an example that hopefully your boys and girl will follow in the future . I wish you all luck and happiness ! Personally I wouldn't want this to overshadow the joy of little miss x's arrival really but it is up to you. flowers

nanaej Fri 02-Aug-13 18:52:53

My DD2 knew that she was having girls . My DD1 said she did not want to know the gender of her babies until they were born. She had two boys. I love al four to pieces! Even if DD1 did know she was having boys and kept it secret it makes no difference at all! Why would it..her babies, her body , her life.

I am lucky to share in her life and those of her DH & boys so closely. (smile)

Stansgran Fri 02-Aug-13 18:44:40

Anon I hope your DM isnt on Gransnet or are you hoping she is and we will have done your job for you?

vegasmags Fri 02-Aug-13 12:45:56

Ariadne - sometimes it sucks you in, with a force you can't resist even though you know you should grin

Galen Fri 02-Aug-13 12:22:51

I have a lovely granddaughter and it seems that the one on the way is also a girl. I'm sure she'll be just as loved.

Mamardoit Fri 02-Aug-13 11:34:44

YANBU and your mother needs telling to keep her 'wishes' to herself. I can fully understand her secretly wanting a GD but she should never say it out loud and never imply her GS aren't important/wanted/special.

My FIL made it quite clear early on that he wanted GS to carry his name. I gave him 5 so he died thinking his family 'name' would continue. I'm glad he's not around to make unkind comments to my DS, DIL and their wonderful little girls!

The chances are we will have a grandson eventually but it wouldn't bother me or DH if they were all girls.

Ariadne Fri 02-Aug-13 10:44:54

Nearly ended up in the Universe of Frank there! Phew!

Bags Fri 02-Aug-13 08:40:00

ginny smile

ginny Fri 02-Aug-13 08:30:32

I have 3 daughters and it was lovely when my DGS was born but I would have been happy with a girl too. I'm hoping ( quietly , to myself) for a few more Grandchildren and I don't care what sex they are. When I had my third daughter I had people asking if I was disappointed. My answer was ' why try a different recipe when you are quite happy with the original.'

Gally Thu 01-Aug-13 22:55:09

Phew, so am I grin

Stansgran Thu 01-Aug-13 21:45:05

Glad you've all cleared that up.

HUNTERF Thu 01-Aug-13 21:42:40

Galley

My sons in law are Hospital dentists.

Frank

Gally Thu 01-Aug-13 21:39:30

......but are they dentists Frank?

vegasmags Thu 01-Aug-13 21:39:13

I'm sure that was absolutely the case Frank smile

HUNTERF Thu 01-Aug-13 21:36:09

The headmistress of the school said I made an excellent choice when I chose Kim my late wife. She told me Kim was the best.
That must have been correct for the headmistress of the school to say that.

Frank

grin

vegasmags Thu 01-Aug-13 21:12:00

Crossed post Frank - thanks for sorting that out. smile

vegasmags Thu 01-Aug-13 21:10:16

He married the daughter of his headmistress, and I think his SILs were the sons of his daughters' teachers ? ?Frank - where are you? Come and clear this up for us grin

HUNTERF Thu 01-Aug-13 21:09:30

Hi

My 2 sons in law do exist and I married my headmistresses daughter.
I met her on the first day of secondary school and never dated another girl.
My 2 daughters saw what it was like being married to your teachers children but still went ahead and both got boy friends who were sons of teachers at their school and married them. In both cases it was their first boy friend.
My father married the daughter of a teacher at a nearby school and so did my grandfather.
My mother in law said they were very wise to marry their teachers sons.

Frank

Ana Thu 01-Aug-13 20:44:16

He married his teacher' sons? !! shock I'd never have had Frank down as a bigamist...

Aka Thu 01-Aug-13 20:21:38

Yes, I agree Petallus it's good to reach your inner child and keep in touch with him or her. It's what makes Frank's posts so light hearted and amusing wink
vegas I think his SiL's married their teachers, or was that him? No I think it was his daughters who married this teachers' sons and he did too confused

soop Thu 01-Aug-13 16:55:39

HildaW Very well said.

Gally Thu 01-Aug-13 16:18:32

Vegasmags grin

HildaW Thu 01-Aug-13 16:02:11

Its not up to Grandparents to put in requests for grandchildren of any type.
Its not like ordering new furniture FGS!!! Oh I do get cross about this we've had several threads along these lines.
If our grown-up children choose to have children then that's wonderful...we then get a chance to build a relationship with that child and become Grandparents. Becoming a grandparent it something that grows and develops.
I think a lot of it is down to peer and media pressure. There is this myth that becoming a Grandma is some sort of rite of passage....a baby has been born hence you get visiting rights, the chance to push it around in a buggy, take it on holiday etc etc....almost like some sort of designer handbag.
Its a baby, you child's baby and if you are loving and open about it you will be given the privilege of becoming a part of its life in a manner that is as mutually suitable as conditions allow.

vegasmags Thu 01-Aug-13 14:51:53

Thanks Gally I must have missed that. Can it be that I am guilty of not always reading Frank's posts with the complete attention they deserve?

Gally Thu 01-Aug-13 14:36:59

Vegasmags I think Frank has spoken quite often of his SILs. Aren't they both dentists? Or am I imagining it hmm