Doing people a favour.......

They see us coming, don't they, Felice?

My DD tells me to tell her to P***s off

A notoriously mean colleague kept asking me to visit her for tea. I was warned that she was doing this because she wanted me to invite her round to my house for a meal. In a weak moment, I caved in and went as arranged.

I took with me a lovely hand-tied bunch of irises and a good bottle of wine. She thanked me and put the wine in her bottle rack, then arranged the irises in the centre of her lovely table, set with linen napkins, china side plates and water glasses.

She put a jug of iced water on the table, then excused herself for a moment whilst she made some fresh hummus. Oooh, I thought, nice starter! This turned out to be blended chickpeas, water, salt and lemon juice. She toasted some bread, cut it into fingers, and arranged it on a platter with carrot sticks and celery. Et voila! Dinner! That was it, no dessert, either.

Next day, another colleague popped his head round my office door. 'Told ya, but would you listen? No!'

I am at the moment in the middle of a very sticky situation,,,,AAAARRRGGGHH,,,,,,,as a keyholder and 'kitchen person' in my local church, I am a retired chef, I, we have been 'booked' by someone to hold a 60th birthday concert in the Church, she wanted a few canapés and drinks in the interval, no problem, but she has to pay me for that. Now what was 5 hours, 4pm to 9pm, then off they go I lock up and go home. Has turned into, or she is trying to turn into a full dinner after the concert, which of course she will provide so she doesn't have to pay me, she wants to bring 'special lighting and large potted ferns and palms into the Church to create 'Ambiance', which will be collected later,,,!!!!, Wedding the following day so no way, when i try to talk to her she is really rude and cheeky, I am doing everyting by email so i have a record of her comments, arrrgggh, sorry I really neede a rant,xxx

Steel yourself, Petra. She offered the petrol money, so don't let her play on your feelings. What a cheek!

Meriotgran. The garden centre is 10 miles away. There are a lot nearer, in fact there is one at the bottom of her road but this one specialises in herbs.

On the giving and receiving. My late MIL taught me a lesson in this because I was always refusing things from her. She sat me down and explained how I was taking away her pleasure of giving. I passed this on to a friend the other day. Her very very rich brother wanted to pay for her new kitchen and she refused, even though she has it on finance.

On the petrol thing. I sent her a text asking if I could pop round tomorrow and pick up money. Done in a very nice way, I must add. Had a very curt reply back saying: How much What time. I replied that I had told my DD that there would be petrol money for the journey. As of now, no reply.

If a choice between being treated and being taken advantage of, I'd choose the first, gracesmum - there is a difference in giving and being ripped off.

A former work colleague and very good friend and I often have lunch or a coffee out somewhere on her day off from school. She always insists on paying - she says "While I am still working, it's on me" to the point where I feel like refusing an invitation because she won't let me pay my share! Yes, she and her husband are on excellent salaries and I would probably do the same, but it's different when you are on the receiving end. It may be" more blessed to give than to receive," but it can also be harder to receive with good grace and not feel stingy!!

Some people just don't know how to behave do they?

The word NO comes to mind Petra. I have a good friend who gets a bit 'over herself' from time to time. She is on a small pension and still has a dependant 21 year old, but lives beyond it..... Last weekend she asked me and another friend to lunch and then qualified the invitation by saying it would have to be at my house as her kitchen was full of paint pots and then added that she had no wine to bring along with the casserole. A bit nonplussed, I agreed but said I was back on the diet so wouldn't be drinking. Oh, says she, but some of us would like some wine - you have plenty Gally we can drink some of yours. When she arrived, wineless, I offered soft drinks much to her dismay, however the other friend arrived with the necessary so she was happy and I was glad I had stuck to my guns!
(It sounds as if I was a bit mean but she has history when it comes to drinking her way through my wine cellar!)

How far away is this garden centre?

I don't want you to think that this Is just over Fiver for petrol.
She would always find something interesting on the pavement when we were parking, so it was me who paid.
Always had an alcoholic drink when we split the bill and I was driving.
Many times I would go to her house for coffee and it would be, oh, while your here can you take me to so and so to pick something up.

Oh dear. You are both obviously too nice and kind. Consider yourself hugged.

phoenix (((hugs)))

Petra that's not a friend .

What is it with bloody people. Here I am at 5 in the morning worrying about a problem with a ' friend'
We had a thread some time ago about 'friends' who don't pay their way. At that time I told my story about a'friend who never contributed to petrol costs.
Last Monday I thought we had had a break through ( on the subject of petrol)
She phoned and asked if I would run her to a garden centre AND OFFERED TO PAY THE PETROL. I was so pleased.
Yesterday was the day we went. As it turned out, OHs car had to be in the garage and he needed a car. I phoned my DD and asked if she would take us.
No problem, as I would be getting the petrol money. All went well until when my DD dropped me off home and asked if A had given me the money. Ofcourse that was a no. She went ballistic, OH went ballistic. DD insisted that I text her and ask for it, something I just can't do, but I did: No reply.
The worst part of this is that she used to live a car drive away from me and now she is round the corner.
Why do people do this. I bend over backwards to help people. OH and DD don't see a problem. Theire attitude is: just ignore and forget them.
Bit of a rant, I know; but as I said its 5 in the morning and it's on my mind.

kitty that did make me !

J hasn't phoned tonight, which is a slight worry. But seriously only slight.

I will phone her tomorrow, bit of an effort as have the "black dog" at the moment. Can post and email ok, but phoning anyone is a bit of an effort. I realise that it's totally stupid, but................

That's awful phoenix considering how good to them you have been. you must feel really let down. [sad Do you want the GN hit squad to intervene?

Set a time limit e.g. 1st october? You don't have to have a reason.

That's exactly right JessM and that is what I want.

Time to ask for it back in the condition it was in before I'd say.

I doubt their insurers will give out information to anyone other than the policy holder.

How about you offer to call the garage or the insurers. Then you will find out the true story moderator another.I suspect it will not be what you want to hear and this couple have you dangling on a string.

Ridiculous! DD's insurers came out the next day to take photos and booked her car in for repairs at the same time.

Even if she cancels the insurance, the accident would still be covered under the existing policy so what's the point of that threat?

Dodgier and dodgier.....

Well, we've just a conversation, and after the usual "what have you been up to today, what are you cooking tonight" stuff, I "casually" asked when the Suzuki was going to Tavistock for repair. I was told that "they" (the insurance company?) came out last Tuesday to take photos but nothing has been heard since. Apparently J is going to phone them tomorrow and say that if they don't get a move on she will cancel the insurance (????) and get the job done "privately"

This could mean the chap in the village that she referred to previously.

It is a month since you posted about your car phoenix and you are still no further forward. You are still doing favours for these "friends" and they are still lying to you